Can I refuse to have my mother stay with me?

It doesn't matter if the person needing care doesn't have a penny to their name and the spouse has a million in the bank. The care cost is for the person that needs care only. The marital home is protected while there is still the other person living in it. If for example your husband went into care they couldn't take the value of the house into consideration. If you were to die while your husband was still alive then he would inherit your half of the home and it would then be taken into account and sold. Another scenario is if you also needed up care then the marital home would be considered shared and half the proceeds would be used towards each persons care.

If this person was from social services they are wrong.
The Care Act 2014 puts those in in need of care and their careers on an equal footing.

In any case, you can refuse to have her back. And the hospital will likely make a social care referral. I would imagine the local authority would then make the suggestion to the hospital that your mother needs to be considered for Continuing Healthcare. In no way will you be expected to pay for your mums care.

Unless you're living in your mother's home the answer is 'yes' you do have a right to refuse.

If you cannot cope with her care needs tell the hospital. They cannot just discharge her.

Oh, I thought that household income would be used in the calculation. Suppose one spouse is a high earner and other has no income at all; would the first spouse's income not count? Presumably half the value of the family home counts if the couple co-own it?

Oh they can be asked......but it cannot be enforced.

No, only the person needing care has to pay. Their spouse does not contribute towards the care. If a couple have joint savings then only 50% can be used towards care. Nobody can be asked to pay for another person's care.

The owners of the care home where my DM spent her last years are seeking to expand the home by another 60+dementia beds. Never let there be said there’s no money in care homes. It’s just that the carers doesn’t get it.

This whole situation has become ludicrous- just like we have social housing - in my view the state need to start building ( or taking over) some nursing home settings to be run as not for profit - simply to stop situations like this- Not many 97 year olds are up to looking after themselves fully ( yes a few are) and it's falling on families, particularly where there aren't huge assets to be liquidated giving families 'choice' - not only in my opinion is this not ideal for the family ( usually the woman too that it falls to ) but not really great for the elderly person either whose families still in most cases need to earn a living and have a life and not spend vast amounts of time acting as another unpaid nurse/carer

So we are in a slightly different but similar situation at the moment. It is so hard @Wheatlands and the fact you have managed to care for your Mum for 12 years is amazing.

In principle you do not have to take your Mother back and the system needs to pick her up. The Social Worker was not correct re: your Mother's needs not yours counting the most.

Social Services has a legal duty to assess your Mother's cares needs in England and Wales. They should do this based on her ability to carry out activities of daily living, the safety of her home environment and access to care and support within her home. Based on whether they assess her as having met the criteria for care, they will then do a financial assessment to see if she is eligible for state funding or has to self fund. The financial assessment does not take place until her care needs have been assessed and should not influence what level of care they recommend.

Does your Mother have any legal claim to your house? Eg co-owner etc? If not, then it should be fairly straightforward, but expect to have to keep repeating the fact you can't have her at home. You need to be clear you can no longer provide care based on what you have put here, and then the state will pick this up.

If she is entirely funded by the State they will sort this for you, and should do this in conjunction with you and your Mother. If she has any element of self funding, they will expect her to contribute to her costs. But they will not expect you to pick up any tab.

Have you had a carers assessment? If not, then you need to get one as soon as possible. If you have one, but your needs have changed you need it updated. Legally, in England at least and I think from memory Wales too, you have a right to support as a carer and if the carer support "breaks down" (or in this case needs to stop due to exhaustion), then your Mum's care assessment has to factor this in.

Good luck and keep.us posted.

Maybe it needs an ITV drama made about it. Seems to be the only thing that works!!

Remember Breathtaking, The ITV drama about how the medics fought Covid.
Well for balance how about one made about this. Perhaps one of us should submit a script!

Christ on a bike. Such angels eh!

I don’t think the OP should get involved in any financial discussions, this situation is totally down to the state to sort out

If this practice isn’t illegal, it certainly should be

The State.........................dont overeat smoke or drink and keep your weight down. Protect the NHS!!
Also The State.................Fuck up your health and run yourself ragged caring for elderly relatives!!

Op rents the house which she lives in

Not read full thread, is it your house? Does she have any legal rights over ownership of the house?

The answer is "probably yes" even for a person who has no access to public funds, under the Care Act 2014 and the various National Assistance Acts.

yup

I think there may be some misunderstanding here. Your mother's care plan will absolutely be about what is best for her but only wrt the options available. You need not be one of these options. They will however update the care plan according to her needs not yours. So fi, if care home X is considered more suitable but you'd rather she lived in care home Y because it's closer to your gym then they wouldn't take that into account.

I just want to send you a virtual hug. All of this sounds so incredibly hard.

Completely unbeknown to any of the family, my late Aunt then 97 was brought to her daughter's house by ambulance whilst her daughter was out.

She was actually at the hospital meeting with the discharge team, and then they sneaked her mum out whilst she was distracted!!

The op is under no obligation to financially provide for an elderly relative.
They have no powers to know anything about the op's finances and when the mother is put in a care home, the op should not sign anything at all.
A neighbour's mother went into a care home, they gave the neighbour a form to sign. It later turned out that this form obligated the neighbour to pay a top up fee to cover the shortfall in council funding

You've been absolutely saintly, and I echo everything that's been said by pp. She needs a social care assessment and a care home place. Savings and pension income etc (hers not yours!) are taken into account to calculate her contribution, and social care have to make up the shortfall.

You've had some great advice here about keys etc. MIL was once discharged after a fall and 6 week hospital stay, with absolutely no notice - the ambulance team simply got in via the key safe, tucked her up in bed, hooked up her oxygen tank and left her there, despite zero mobility and requiring all personal care and feeding. They didn't even switch the lights on. We live 200 miles away and both work. Thankfully DH managed to get her at-home care package restarted the same afternoon, but the discharge was a shambles.

They may also try "we have to discharge to the address where she's registered with the GP," backed up with "she will be discharged to the street, it has been done." That was the one that did for me and I wasn't even a relation. I was in tears and the discharge individual just pressed on. So follow all the advice. They cannot impose on you, you are not a slave of the state. I have been told that ambulance staff have taken patients back to hospital if they can see that the place is not fit.
They seem to have a Victorian view of duty.

I haven’t read all the replies. Am I correct in thinking that no one can be fired to look after an elderly parent, and if that parent has no assets, the state has to fund care, including a home?

Theres no way someone can make children pay for their parents care out of their own pockets is there ?

So if an elderly person has no assets , no property, the authorities must pay ?