How to help our children/loved ones in the future when we’re old and hopefully lovely and manageable

• What level of in home care they need to be independent and the types of places that could offer this. This has been invaluable and is now keeping dad independent at home through a home help / cleaner who now does the washing etc
• What they want as their health declines. We've had very honest convos about different types of illnesses and scenarios and what they want / don't want i.e residential home care, whether they want resus if they have a heart attack, whether they want us to continue to agree ti treatment if they're in a coma etc.
• Who their bank and solicitors are, where they keep the documents and passwords etc
• Back up / recovery of Apple ID etc; we've set this up, along with the apple new service of being nominated in the event of someone's death
• Making the house elderly friendly - i.e. walk in shower, dwonstairs loo etc
• Find out services available locally, and get their numbers - i.e. boiler, tv repairs, taxi firm etc and I started investigating disability shop helps locally for stuff like stair lifts.
• Another one for decluttering. Mum died in '23 and we've systematically gone through cupboards etc with my Dad and there's been so much stuff we've got rid of, but there is so much more!

Accept when you need additional help, a cleaner, gardener, frozen meal deliveries etc, even a carer to support your social life if you don’t need personal care.
I am determined that I won’t sit in a chair and not move all day other than for the toilet as I’ve seen this happen and it’s no life for the sitter or their family.
Get comfortable with the likes of Alexa to play music, audiobooks, close the curtains, control lights, order food/gifts, set reminders for meds/birthdays/appointments. This helps to remain present and not fall into a stupor.

You don't say how old you are but I think one thing that is important is to think about your future living arrangements and staying in your home. Assuming you are in the home you will continue to live in, every time you do improvements, do it with a mind for the future when you might be less mobile or your vision/hearing might be poorer - those things come to us all. Think about how you might use the house differently when you are less able or inclined to go out

I'm not suggesting you put in ramps, grab handles, etc, but you might think about things like a walk in shower, brighter lighting and so on. My Mum had a lot of (overdue) work done on the house when she was c80 - and still very fit. However, at that point we had the bath exchanged for a walk in shower, a higher toilet put in, bright lighting as well as lamps put in the rooms and we specifically redesigned the kitchen so she had a little dining area at the front window, so she could see out, but with a TV so she could keep up with her news addiction.

Now she is 90 and still at home (fingers crossed this continues for a long time!). One of the neighbours came to her party and was telling me she worked in adult social care and was very impressed at the small things we'd done in advance so that Mum was still comfortable in her home.

I think decluttering is very important. My mother is a hoarder. I am an only child and I absolutely dread the task of tackling it all some day. I anticipate it perhaps taking a year of weekends.

In my own old age, I will sadly have nobody to help and support me as I have no children or extended family. I am only late 30s but am already thinking about getting rid of some of my own possessions to lighten the load. I plan to move to a retirement village with different levels of care, have minimal possessions and arrange for a charity to pick up my things after I die.

Passwords.
Medication lists.
Family history and stories.
Keys labelled.
Photos labelled with who is in them.
Upgrading/refurbising house to make it safe if moving/downsizing is not an option.
List of maintenance jobs that need to be done regularly.
An agreement regarding care around various differing scenarios.

I'm live-in carer for my remaining parent. I'm happy to do this. We have an agreement though that when/if I can no longer cope (medical needs become too great or behaviour becomes a danger), then residential care will be the way forward.

My parents and I had many conversations from when they were in their seventies onwards about aging and how they saw their future. I think it is important to normalise aging and needing help. You all need to be open and honest about expectations and capability. We also talk about dying and death, and what I will do when remaining parent has died. They know that I have planned things and they don't have to worry about me.

Losing the first parent though does bring it all into sharp focus. The fact that we had already discussed a lot of things, made everything easier.

Downsize and declutter.

Be realistic about your financial needs and care needs.

Keep moving, keep independent for as long as you can - when it's gone, it's gone. Doing something slowly, or with help is better than putting that onto someone else because it's hard.

Plan and pay for your funeral.

Communicate.