Help please not sure what to do with my parents,

Your parents clearly don't have the physical capacity to remain in their own home. If they would accept that you and your sister could work together to again find the best place possible for them. If they still have mental capacity though it is sometimes difficult to get frail elderly to agree to move into care, even if it's in their own best interests. POA allows you to make the decision for them only if they have lost mental capacity. If they are still mentally capable you probably have a careful persuasive job on your hands which will work best if you can get your sister on board to work with you Your other problem is if your sister doesn't agree. I'm thinking she got persuaded to get them home without thinking of the likely long term effect. Once they had to come to her home, after a while she's realized she's bitten off more than she can chew and is now maybe mentally on the edge herself. Not your fault or problem of course, she took the decision which has landed you all in a big problem. Hopefully she will now be able to see that she made a bad, probably knee -jerk decision in getting them out of the care home and will get on board with you in finding a new place pdq. If so, try to swallow your natural irritation at where you now are to work together. A new normal, where you hopefully can take turns to visit her in the home will happen far more quickly if she is on board and you are working together. 💐

Not read the full thread but she has made her bed by letting them stay with her. While she's away they go into respite whilst either waiting for her to come back or for a care home place. Do not allow them to move in with you. If they need 24 hour care a live in carer would be extortionate at home.

Tbh if they don't have capacity I am not clear as to how they simply upped and left the car home? You can't suddenly up and walk out of one if your a resident.

You can’t bring them to your home as your Dad has already demonstrated that he’s not safe on your slippy floors.

You really couldn’t bring them to your home if you happened to have the decorators in when your sister was away, or if the toilet stopped working.

Social Services, emergency, breakdown of care.

Once they’re in your house they’ll be stuck there for good

Sounds very stressful and unsustainable for you,

I don’t know about Australian social care systems but the basic fact is that your parents needs are only going to get higher, they are going to deteriorate more. They are going to have to go into a home as sounds like their needs are already beyond what you or your sister can do.

maybe it will help if you/she think about it in terms of it is inevitable.

Here in the UK you could call on social services for help finding a bed in a care home urgently, presumably that’s an option there too?

a shame if they can’t go back into the first choice home but as you’ve said, that’s your sisters fault really.

Put your foot down.

Is the issue your sister won't invoke the PoA? If so, your parents need to go live with her if you can no longer do it. She's passing the buck.

If she is named as joint PoA, she needs to step up or revoke. It's decision time, those decisions are hard and come with a personal cost. Head in the sand is not an option.

Assuming you are in Australia, can you talk to ACAT?

Or Dementia Australia? Even just to chat? Ask about safeguarding because your sister is not acting in your parents best interests? (Clutching at straws). Based on the ABC’s reports over the last year, try everything you can to avoid giving them to state care.

Philippa Perry is much quoted in similar situations when she talks of choosing guilt over resentment, and she makes a lot of sense. Your parents need to be in a care home. Your daughter needs and deserves the calm and stability she knew before they moved in. Your sister has acted outrageously to leave you in this situation. Have a very straight talk with her about moving them as a matter of great urgency.

If they don't want to move, in all honesty that's too bad, they need a level of care you simply cannot offer. Things are only going to get very much worse and unless your sister wants them at her house tomorrow, for as long as the poor old souls survive, (and cancels her holiday) then she needs to get on board with moving them into a home asap. Back to my original point, if you feel guilty about moving them to a care home, living with that guilt is 100% preferable to trying to look after them at home.

You need to be firm, and say no. If they ‘hate you’ at least they will be cared for, and you still have your own family to think about. Sounds like your sister is the problem - if she wants to provide care let her crack on. Or a care home. Either way you are not doing it. There’s no way I would have had my mum stay with me - work ft, unsuitable house, etc. You need to set your boundaries op.

I was also going to suggest a live in carer. Otherwise you have to involve social services.

Completely empathise, it's so difficult.
Would a live in carer be an option at their house? I appreciate this brings many other concerns.

As much as you love them, they need to be cared for 24/7 and that means a care home. Be firm with your sister and flatly refuse to take them in when she's away, tell her that she lost the last place so needs to sort another one asap. Tell her that you'll be supportive, help settle them in and be a point of contact for the home but you won't participate in this pillar-to-post care plan she seems to want as it doesn't work for your parents or for you. Be firm 💐

This is going to sound awful but you need to have a word with your sister. Your parents need to be safe in a care home and if she won't join you in insisting that they go back to the home then you need to let her fail.

We had issues with PIL who ended up living with us for a few months. If I had done my usual thing and run around after them, making it easy for DH to work etc they would probably still be here. Instead I made DH deal with the consequences of his decisions. He had to deal with wee on the sofa and poo on the kitchen floor etc so we found a lovely care home for them.

Talk to your sister. If she chooses to have them live with her, it is her decision but you won't bail her out when it gets too hard. They need to be somewhere where they will be safe and have a whole team of people looking after them.

I think you have to decide between them or your own family doing the hating. Personally I'd ask.thf sister which home they'll be in while she's away so you can visit and leave it with her to sort. If you step in and take them in you may find there's ongoing reasons they "can't go back just yet".

Do your parents have capacity?

Its obviously very difficult but If they do have capacity then you can't enforce them staying in a care home they don't like...