Help please not sure what to do with my parents,

Gently, the previous 2 posts wrote a lot of sense OP. This is your clarion call. Prioritise your 12 yo and yourself, don’t sleepwalk into becoming your parents and loading your DC

All of this. It was never going to end well. I literally wrote in capital letters weeks ago don't let them move in. Your husband has the patience of a saint, l would go berserk if my husband did this to me. It's not fair on you, your children, your husband or your parents. You need to put your foot down ASAP

OP, there seems to be a bit of a pattern of people not facing up to responsibility on other people in your family!

Your DP won't face up to their care needs and have dumped this on you and your sister.
Your sister has facilitated getting them out a care home and has now dumped on you.
You now can't cope with sounds like quite a lot of responsibility and now your parents on top of that.
Your adult kids are having to step in because you can't cope and it sounds like a grim situation for your 12 year old.

I'd work out what your major responsibilities are (your 12 year old, your DP, your living environment), and whether or not you can realistically keep on all your animals, and whether it'd be better for your family overall to get paid work, even if it's to stop yourself being a dumping opportunity for your DPs and DSis.

And then start refusing to take on tasks that belong to other people - your DS sprung your parents from the nursing home, she can sort them out. You might need to play hardball to do this but it will be worth your health and worth it to your children.

Otherwise - and I don't want to sound too harsh - you're just going to be part of a cycle that will end up with your kids having to sort out you when you're sick and also the clutter and animals, which will take their resources away from their kids, and so on and so on. Break the cycle.

I am so pleased for you. I imagine you were immensely proud and I also imagine ds was immensely proud to be inducted in front of you. You have all worked very hard to get to the day.

You are not a lazy sod, you are struggling and if help is offered please grab it with both hands. Who knows when the shoe might be on the other foot and they might need help in future. For now please stop beating yourself up, you deserve some help and support, you are worth it.

@mnisawasteoftime what a wise post 😊

Take them up n the offer. We all have times I life we can't cope. Helping people in that state is what we should be doing. Don't reject the help, accept it and have fun with your DC and fiancée whilst it's happening. Don't isolate yourself, connect.

I'd swallow your embarrassment with the cleaner. Explain your struggling due to injury and things have got out of hand. It happens. So she'll gossip and everyone will know you're a human being not superwoman. So what? Hold your head high, struggling isn't a failure or a character flaw. Your home will soon by clean and tidy again and you'll develop routines to keep it that way (the thread I mentioned will help), then the gossips will move onto talking about someone else and you'll be forgotten.

It's very kind of them to offer, but it feels a bit like history repeating itself. Honestly it sounds as if you are so hard on yourself. If everyone kept a perfect home, there would be no need for cleaners to exist.

Get yourself into better habits than your DPs, pay the money for a cleaner to do the basics, use the extra time to get a bit more on top of the tidying. If you have a junk room that everything goes into for a period of time - that's absolutely fine. But far easier now to pay someone for their time and then you won't be so resistant to it in your later years.

It’s not that you can’t cope. It’s that your day/week/head has been filled to overflowing. Something can be handed over to someone else for a bit. Would it be so bad for your neighbours to know that you are at the end of your tether?

Ask a few mates who is good and discreet.

No advice but wanted to send support! I'm not surprised you are overwhelmed. Hope things improve sooner rather than later

Get the cleaner OP. Just tell them to tidy first and clean in whatever time is left. This is what I'd do -

Get some kind of crate/tub/basket for the living room and label it "electronics" so any chargers, phones, remotes etc she'll know to put in there and later you'll all know where to look for your stuff when you need it. Everything else can be kicked to the side of the room and she can vacuum the middle.

Tell her to make the beds and put everything from the floor onto the beds then vacuum. Worst case scenario, you go up to bed and sweep it all back onto the floor again. You'll be no worse off than before and at least the floor is clean. There's also the chance you'll put some of it back where it belongs.

Tell her to collect up and fold any clean clothes and put in a pile somewhere suitable, eg table, kitchen worktop, bed, sofa etc just anywhere clean. If it's already in a pile you'll be more likely to put it away.

Tell her to put any clean dishes and cutlery away in cupboards and drawers. It doesn't matter if she gets it wrong, there's a limited number of cupboards in your kitchen and you'll find what you want soon enough. Then tell her to load the dishwasher and start it or fill the sink with water and pile dishes in. If someone has started the job it is far more likely you'll finish it.

Then with whatever time is left she can clean whatever seems worse.

There's a Flylady thread in Housekeeping section of this forum called Fledgelings if you want cleaning motivation with others.

Please, please stop listening to your sister and take your mum to hospital tomorrow. She shouldn’t be having blood in her knickers at her age.

I agree with this. Stop asking your sister's permission for everything, just decide for yourself and then do it. You can inform her later when she's back off holiday.

With blood in her underwear it could be something non serious like piles or it could be something bad like cervical cancer. It needs investigation.

For the "where's my handbag?" issue can you get her a cross body bag? IDK if that would help.

I just need something to make the day go by nicely.

Have you seen the adult colouring books? Maybe they'd engage with that. I get ones called Relax With Art and Zen Colouring. I do half hour before bed. They're relaxing and calm the brain, you should get one for yourself too.

Do they listen to the radio? Do you have a channel that tells stories? Or would they listen to those sleep stories on YouTube or on apps like Headspace? They're really peaceful too.

Is there anything they like that can bring them comfort. Eg my MIL had a cat. She never had one all her life but in the care home they gave her a cat and she loved it. It turned it's head and miaowed when you entered the room and it purred when you stroked it. It was very fluffy. MIL thought it was real. Some of the others had baby-dolls they thought was their baby and cared for it. Is there anything like this they enjoy which could be as if it was a comfort blanket to them?

Maybe games need to be more basic like playing Snap with cards or board games like Snakes and Ladders or paper games like Noughts and Crosses (Americans call it Tic Tac Toe I think so maybe you know it by that name instead).

If they don't have capacity and are in a state.
Call social services and arrange an emergency placement until you find something nice for them.

I feel sick all the time and walk, like a 100yo.

It could be pain making you feel sick. You've hurt your foot. Go to the pharmacy for some strong painkillers and see if it helps. Don't injure the foot by walking on it more though, sorry to state the obvious but just in case you need to hear it - all the painkillers will do is mask the pain, they won't actually make your foot better, you still need to rest it.

And I agree with others, get your 12yr old doing some house chores, cleaning it's good practice for later in life and also learning compassion for unwell people. An hour once a week spent emptying bins, vacuuming and sweeping floors, putting on some laundry and hanging it out after it's done and doing a load of dishes or running the dishwasher - it won't harm the child and it's not a massive imposition it's only an hour. It won't entirely fix your house being a tip, I expect that would need a lot more than an hour if it's got out of hand, but it'll help.

OP you're not a terrible person for not looking after them. Keep your boundaries strong. Your parents are upsetting your child and making it so your child's home isn't a sad place for your child. This isn't ok. Your parents should not be in your home, end of. Take them out for lunch instead or if that's not possible don't take them at all while sister works, she'll have to get a carer in instead. Tough luck if she doesn't like paying for that, she's the one who chose this situation of her being their carer.

Ask your sister why she's given you notice of her holiday. Make her spell it out to you that she wants you to care for them while she's away. Then tell her you're not taking them into your home under any circumstances. Neither will you be moving into her home to care for them, or visiting them daily, or paying for a carer for them. Your sister decided to take on their care, against your wishes. She doesn't now get to delegate her responsibility for that care onto to you. If she wants a break she needs to arrange respite care for them.

If she doesn't arrange respite care and goes on holiday I'd call the police and tell them there's vulnerable people alone because their carer has gone on holiday. Hopefully they can do something, make a referral somewhere appropriate so your parents can be taken into care against their will because there's no carer, they're incapable of looking after themselves and they lack capacity. Hold firm and let them all hate you. You can't control how others feel.

What you can control is your child's welfare and keeping your child's home a safe place for your child to live. You can control your own welfare and not burning out so you can't be a good mum and wife. Your nuclear family who you created comes first, not your extended family.

I suspect a full time carer would go round the bend quite quickly too! The advantage of a care home is the care is a team effort. If a client and carer are not getting along so well assignments can be shuffled around a bit.

Neither am I! Not a single bone in my body 😂 it’s just about your breathing, slowing yourself down etc I’m not into sage and god but it I find it helps.