Saying they are poor but they are not?

Why does it matter? Elderly people get more anxious about things and, with the cost of living so high and a fixed income it's understandable that she is feeling the pinch like most other people. The elderly are more likely to voice this stuff (or 'moan' if that's how you see it) because they have less in general to occupy themselves.

Smile, nod and empathise. Stop taking it personally and accept how she's feeeling. It makes for a happier life.

My gran does exactly this ! Has an absolute fortune in bank. Owns house outright, full state pension, attendance allowance and my grandads private pension. She acts like she’s on the breadline. She’s got well over £1000 left every month after her outgoings.

No one in the family understand her constant moaning about being poor etc. I believe it must either be delusional or the fact everything costs a lot more and they just can’t get their head around it.

Yeah, I know a retired couple who have heating off , lights off, don't go out and spend much money, no holidays really, brand new bmw and big 4 bedroom house, most rooms not used. Both good pensions, asking where's best to put money, moan about heating allowance that has gone and cost of living.

I think lots of older people - like my own parents - are only just managing. Mine are definitely poor, and put just over the limit for some benefits by their teeny savings. I think they'd be worse off if they owned a house (they are in a HA property) as they could be wiped out by a maintenance issue.

They are in their late eighties, prices are going up and up, and one of them is quite disabled. It's not like they can go out and earn more money! They are claiming everything they are entitled to (including the higher rate of attendance allowance) and still feel very worried about money.

Is your husband concerned about his mum

Does anyone else have access to her money?

mil was like this, constantly complaining she had no money. Turned out someone had got hold of her bank cards…

I think there is a kind of disconnect with some older people where they believe themselves to be worse off than they actually are. There have been a few similar threads on here, where people's well-off parents have been incensed about losing their heating allowance and saying they won't be able to heat their homes etc., despite actually having quite a lot of income. Delusions of poverty is interesting, I do think it is probably linked in some cases to early dementia and other health problems.

Or she is just a bit unhappy she isn't getting the fuel payment and making it known she hasn't got a lot to go around. You don't need to medicalise this.

Her husband's pension may not be that much, the spousal pension is 50% of the original pension amount if you're lucky, and can be a lot less. She'll be having to run a house that's the same size as before but with that cut in income. The utility bills don't halve when one person passes away - you could check she's getting the single person council tax reduction and is on the cheapest tariff for gas/electric.

Yes, by the sounds of it she's paid off the mortgage so doesn't have that outgoing but difficult to access the money that is the house without moving or taking equity release. Is downsizing to somewhere cheaper to run a realistic option?

The price of things now must be horrifying to her. I know I'm shocked at the prices in shops and cafes so it must be worse for someone a lot older. I understand the reasons for it, but she may not have any idea what minimum
wage is now or that businesses will be paying higher NI contributions.

Is she getting free or cheaper things she's entitled to? Bus pass? Is there something she does regularly that is now too expensive eg meeting a friend for a coffee?

@Orangesandlemons77

No, she didn't get it, that was what she was complaining about.

I don't know how long she has been a pensioner but the winter fuel was introduced around 25 years ago. I don't think it's wrong for pensioners just short of the 'low income' bracket to have a bit of a loan about losing it.

She’s probably noticed, as everyone has, how much more expensive things are now, and feels poorer by comparison to how she was before.

Depending how much she gets from the husband’s pension, it doesn’t sound like much. Owning the house is irrelevant. And she’s running a house all by herself with an income that isn’t likely to rise. That’s scary for people.

My Nanna gets state pension and £300 of my late grandads. It's not a lot and I do think when they are alone it's normal to be worrying about the future.

I didn't know how your MIL husbands pension gives her but I think if you are 2 adults trying to live on similar per months as my Nanna you are doing something wrong or not claiming something you could be

I don't think AA is that much. My mother gets about £70 -£80 a week at the lower rate. Your mil is probably living on about £350 a week, just over the threshold for pension credit/ WFA with her husband's pension. I'm not surprised she's pissed off at that. It's just about manageable in the better weather, but add in things like your winter electric bill arriving, a broken appliance, Christmas presents to buy for family...she's not well off, unless she's got a mountain of savings and doesn't want to touch it.