Page 4 | Saying they are poor but they are not?

Orangesandlemons77 · 2024-12-29T15:18:40+00:00

I keep getting told by elderly MIL how poor she is 'on the breadline' but she really is not. She owns her own house, gets her state pension and her husbands from when he was employed, then also gets attendance allowance, which adds up to quite a bit. Bit she keeps going on about every penny and how much things cost, the winter fuel allowance etc - she has quite a bit more than we do and we need to budget for four. Anyone else got this? What is it about I wonder?

ByTidyLemonDreamer · 29/12/2024 16:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ByTidyLemonDreamer · 29/12/2024 16:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

lleeggoo · 29/12/2024 16:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I may have misunderstood here but OPMIL would not be getting her husband's pension if he hadn't passed away, he would?

Original poster

Orangesandlemons77 · 29/12/2024 16:30

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 29/12/2024 16:29

Does your husband have a financial power of attorney set up? Could he/you offer to help her with her budget/ looking at outgoings etc?

She won't do a PoA

OP posts:

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 29/12/2024 16:29

Does your husband have a financial power of attorney set up? Could he/you offer to help her with her budget/ looking at outgoings etc?

Original poster

Orangesandlemons77 · 29/12/2024 16:28

I think I'll leave this - it is not just this I am a bit concerned about but a few other things and I thought this board was the right place to turn, it seems not.

OP posts:

Spirallingdownwards · 29/12/2024 16:28

Orangesandlemons77 · 29/12/2024 16:12

She was saying about paying tax on it so must be over the tax threshold and that was before the AA which at the higher rate is about another £500 a month, with no payment going out for housing costs etc

Show quote history

She would still only need to get a really small amount on top of state pension to pay tax so that's a moot point. Indeed one of the issues is that even just state pension is aniut to lead to being a tax payer.

ByTidyLemonDreamer · 29/12/2024 16:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Spirallingdownwards · 29/12/2024 16:25

She may feel poor compared to the amount they received as a couple on pensions compared to her as a single person with the same or very similar outgoings.

The same way you feel poor but another poster has indicated you have unnecessary outgoings that you choose to make.

P00hsticks · 29/12/2024 16:25

jannier · 29/12/2024 16:06

How did they get winter fuel allowance if they have the income you say?

OP clarified later that she didn't - one of her 'moans' was that she wasn't going to get it....

lleeggoo · 29/12/2024 16:21

She was saying about paying tax on it so must be over the tax threshold and that was before the AA which at the higher rate is about another £500 a month, with no payment going out for housing costs etc

AA isn't taxable so doesn't affect things.

A small extra pension of around £100 a month is enough to put your MIL into paying tax.

Doseofdopamine · 29/12/2024 16:20

Owning the house is irrelevant.

That is just not true. A 1 bed in my city is around 1k p/m now. LHA is nowhere near that so if she didn't own a property she would, like many who don't own, have to use several hundred pounds of her pension just to meet the rent. So yes, owning a property outright is huge benefit. She can sell and downsize somewhere smaller and cheaper freeing up cash for a start.

Owly11 · 29/12/2024 16:17

It's impossible to say without knowing her income and outgoings. You sound not very nice.

Original poster

Orangesandlemons77 · 29/12/2024 16:13

bluelavender · 29/12/2024 16:12

Does she watch a lot of GB News? We have noticed that some older people who we know who watch this seem to have a very negative outlook of the world. Is there something in particular that she is worrying about; such as a big bill (eg roof/ boiler?)

Reads a LOT of the Daily Mail, which is similar

OP posts:

Original poster

Orangesandlemons77 · 29/12/2024 16:12

jannier · 29/12/2024 16:09

Sounds more like dementia.
Do you actually know the amount of pension she gets my pension is shit my husband's not much better so state pension will be most of it.

Show quote history

She was saying about paying tax on it so must be over the tax threshold and that was before the AA which at the higher rate is about another £500 a month, with no payment going out for housing costs etc

OP posts:

bluelavender · 29/12/2024 16:12

Does she watch a lot of GB News? We have noticed that some older people who we know who watch this seem to have a very negative outlook of the world. Is there something in particular that she is worrying about; such as a big bill (eg roof/ boiler?)

Original poster

Orangesandlemons77 · 29/12/2024 16:10

She's late 70s

OP posts:

CulturalNomad · 29/12/2024 16:09

nokidshere · 29/12/2024 16:01

@CulturalNomad I've been thru this countless times with various elderly relatives and it's my impression this fear of running out of money is very common.

Absolutely.

And elderly people are very aware that all assets can easily be depleted by care home fees.

It can be very frightening to realize that you are vulnerable and so much is out of your control. I think it's hard to understand until you get to that stage.

Original poster

Orangesandlemons77 · 29/12/2024 16:09

jannier · 29/12/2024 16:06

How did they get winter fuel allowance if they have the income you say?

It used to be given to everyone regardless of income but that stopped this year. As far as I know.

So they don't get it now as they are not regarded as being on a low income.

I didn't say they got it, I said they were moaning about it.

OP posts:

IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 · 29/12/2024 16:09

I haven't read your other posts, so quite happy to take this one at face value. How old is your MiL? I'm in my 60s and many of my friends 60+ into their 70s, almost every one is complaining they are "poor". It's been quite upsetting really because I don't have any friends that age who don't own at least one property outright, and many are receiving 2 or 3 private pensions on top of state pension! There's something called scarcity mindset, but that normally affects people who have genuinely been through poverty, not enough food etc., I'll have a read of that link you posted.

Overall, I do think it's a trend to be complaining about money, when you have enough to live on; not limited to over 60s/70s etc. However, I find that those people who REALLY don't have enough to live on don't say anything. And don't get me started on the winter fuel thing - woman at work is receiving so much in pensions that these payments alone take her into the higher tax bracket yet she is complaining bitterly about the £300 as she needed it for "Christmas presents for the grandchildren". But I think there'd need to be other things for you to suspect dementia rather than a common case of pleading poverty-itis.

jannier · 29/12/2024 16:09

Orangesandlemons77 · 29/12/2024 15:59

Yes DH is a bit concerned. he doesn't spend as much time with her though.

Another things is she seems to make up stories about people kissing her and telling them they love her? For example at the bus stop / on the bus?

Another relative thinks this might stem from missing her husband or a needing to feel loved.

Nots are if any others have seen this in elderly relatives, or with dementia?

Sounds more like dementia.
Do you actually know the amount of pension she gets my pension is shit my husband's not much better so state pension will be most of it.

jannier · 29/12/2024 16:06

How did they get winter fuel allowance if they have the income you say?

nokidshere · 29/12/2024 16:01

@CulturalNomad I've been thru this countless times with various elderly relatives and it's my impression this fear of running out of money is very common.

Absolutely.

CulturalNomad · 29/12/2024 16:00

Thanks for the replies, she is fine regarding money, I am wondering about 'delusions of poverty' and possible early dementia perhaps

I wouldn't jump to conclusions regarding dementia.

I've been thru this countless times with various elderly relatives and it's my impression this fear of running out of money is very common.

If you're on a fixed income yet living costs keep getting higher every year there will be some worry. Couple that with feeling vulnerable knowing you can't bring in any extra income and are somewhat dependent on benefits that aren't guaranteed, you have a recipe for financial anxiety.

Original poster

Orangesandlemons77 · 29/12/2024 16:00

I guess it matters if it is to do with depression or dementia which might need treated?

OP posts: