Saying they are poor but they are not?

I work in benefits for older people and they are absolutely all moaning about the loss of the wfp. I regularly come across people who own their own house and have upwards of £500 a week to live off and are still going on about how they will manage. I guess if you are on a fixed income it just plays on your mind but sometimes when people call our help line saying they are struggling on £500 a week I just want to ask them what they are exactly spending it on ! Even if they had to pay out £100 a week for extortionate heating bills, it still leaves a lot.

Most older people are thrifty and dislike prices rising even a little. Lots of people moan about money, some more justified than others. If she owns her own home yes that makes a difference and no, paying for 2 repairs a year is not the same as paying a private rip off rent to own nothing after your entire life. If you can see the figures or know the figures with confidence and know she can manage then it's just a moan, shut it down gently if you can, or put up with it if you can't or don't want to challenge it.

Really? The other people I know on a final salary pension get the same as their final salary was!
Maybe I'm wrong in my parents case then, although when they've talked figures they still have a higher income than me. Not saying they shouldn't have, or they don't deserve it, but to hear them always saying how poor they are grates a little

My mum was like this. V poor growing up and well into our childhood. She just couldn't comprehend she had plenty of money having spent most of a lifetime worrying about it.

We just tried to reassure her she was fine - her income, although not masses covered her outgoings, she owned the house and had some savings.

It was just such an ingrained mindset, which is horrible when she was absolutely fine. Mind you I do think many older people do just like to worry about things as they have plenty of time to dwell on it!

My mother does this regularly - despite having 80% of my dad's private pension, plus a widow's pension, plus the house paid off etc. She also has tens of thousands in her bank. I think as my parents struggled for years, it has been hard to adjust to the fact that she is now very comfortable. She grew up poor, so it might just be a mindset.

My uncle also said the same for years, now he will have to go into assisted living and we are helping to sort it out for him - well it turns out he has two pensions totalling nearly €3,000 a month, and almost €150k accumulated in his current account from never spending money. This is a guy who wouldn't buy a new washing machine when his old one broke because they are too expensive and washed his clothes in the bath, wouldn't buy a new phone when he lost his old one (we had to buy him one), wouldn't spend money unless he absolutely had to, and acted like he had nothing. He doesn't have dementia or cognitive decline he's just miserly.

@Orangesandlemons77 if you feel there is an issue with dementia, I think you need to start looking at it with that angle.

Yes some older people like to moan about money. There are many reasons for that. But what you want to look further are symptoms of dementia like repeating themselves and not remembering theyve told you before. Maybe the frequency of those grumbles etc…. But more importantly if it happens with other subjects.

Id try to step back from your annoyance and try to look at it as an enquiry, with curiosity.
So Mum is telling me about money again. Is telling me the exact same thing, with the same words than yesterday? Does she remember my answer (maybe ask her?)? Etc….

So if her pension is more than the tax free allowance of just under £13000 she pays tax....but just over £1000 a month isn't a lot. How effective is her heating mines shit, she still pays other bills all be it reduced like council tax and water rates. They may have borrowed etc.
I think you have to stop comparing your situation to yours we can always find people we go appear better off than us. It's a waste of energy.

I would say young and poor is worse. Likely to have children, more outgoings, more likely to be in insecure housing and run ragged from working all hours with nothing but poverty to show for it. Children growing up in poverty can suffer the consequences their whole lives and I'd like to bet the poor elderly were poor children.

💯

I have this , my dad has just passed away she has lost a lot of money but still has the same outgoings in regards the house the will is not sorted & has to go to probabte. A lot is panic, she have not had to worry about money they worked until they were 71. Just give them time rather being against her explain to her what she has, help with looking best energy fix for her things to bring her outgoings down.

@Meadowfinch have you tried being disabled/chronically ill like the OP? It’s not fun either. Esp when you have 2 children dependent on you.

And I can’t talk about the OP but I can do much less than my parents in their 80s. I’d happily take being old like them.

Also you might to read tye OP posts where she explicitely says the injections are advised by her GP to deal with side effects of medications.
But ofc it’s only for weight loss right? Not about diabetes etc…

ps. re. said relative - when they complain about the total outrage of losing the fuel allowance i say nothing. As I said they have huge savings, virtually no out goings, large private and large state pension and AA which they don’t even spend! I am on minimum wage and say nothing 🤐 as this will only inflame them further and they have no sense of reason (no dementia, just only see themselves as hard done by regardless lol).

OP, have you tried being old? It's no fun. She needs to keep her house warmer to stave off arthritis. She needs to plan for going in to a home at £1,500 a week. That's £72k a year. How long will the value of her home last then? Perhaps that is playing on her mind.

Attendance allowance is to pay for attendants to help her wash, dress etc., to keep her out of a residential home. To qualify for that, she needs help cutting her toe nails, finding the energy to cook, lifting shopping. It's not for champagne and world cruises.

That she owns her own home is irrelevant, she can't eat it or wear it. Has it been properly insulated, double glazed, had a new boiler recently? What are the utility bills like? Are her appliances modern and efficient or old and power-hungry?

I think you need to walk a mile in her shoes. You can spend £200 a month on weight loss pills so you clearly aren't struggling. And you can always work more/differently. She doesn't have that option.

I think that her financial anxiety is quite common (and understandable to a degree), but your concerns about her "stories" regarding being kissed by random strangers do raise some red flags.

Has she been seen by a GP recently? Bloodwork checked for vitamin deficiencies (B12 in particular)? Screened for UTI? Even just a cursory memory screening test?

If she's agreeable that's where I'd start.

My relative has plenty of ££££ in the bank, plus large state and large private pension and virtually no out goings (mortgage paid off).. But yet complains bitterly about the government withdrawing her heating subsidy!

Why she expects to be subsidised by the poorer taxpayer, I have no idea. I don’t really know the reason. I guess it varies person to person. Some of it may come from an old idea of the pensioner living on sardines in an attic with nothing; however, those ideas or stereotypes do not stand up to current circumstances of many of the elderly. Maybe there is just a self involved mentality at play. They may also have been poor once, so fall into a hoarding mentality. But, honestly, in some cases I just think it’s pure selfishness.

There seems to be zero empathy or understanding for elderly people at the moment.

Imagine OP your life in 30 years time. Your husband is dead, your adult children are desperate for you to sell your house, you know the one which you and your dead husband bought and made into your home- but who cares about that - it’s just bricks and mortar right ?

Your income is fixed now and everything is going up in price- you don’t know how you will manage if prices keep increasing because you can’t increase your income.

Add in you are starting to find that things are starting to ache, and it’s getting a-bit more difficult to do things, and your social circle and activities are decreasing, And you miss your husband. And you are worried about talking to your adult children as they don’t seem particularly interested in what you have to say , or have much patience for conversations with you.

What do you think your life will feel like then OP? Hopefully your adult children and their spouses will be more understanding than you seem to be.

My mum does this!!! She owns her own flat, can comfortably pay the fees associated with the flat, eats out regularly, goes away with friends, shops in expensive supermarkets.
Insists on making out that she's destitute. I have pointed out to her that she can pay her bills comfortably, eats what she wants etc so she's not destitute. But it falls on deaf ears (literally and metaphorically!!!)

She'll be rolling in it with her state pension and attendance allowance. I can't even imagine what she'd spend all those riches on!

My parents are by no means poor but did go through a phase of saying they were. I think having a fixed income is worrying for some older folks especially if they are having to think forward to big bills they may have coming up. Or if they are alone. Very worrying if a single older person has the upkeep of their house to think about. As someone has said older people don't seem to have access to deals for big bills or the energy to shop around. My dad's car insurance is very expensive, obviously all car insurance is but if you were young at a time when your car insurance was £42, a bill of £900 seems unbelievable.

Final salary pension doesn't mean a pension the same size as your salary. It's usually around half if you've been in it for your whole career. Less for shorter service.

This!

My parents are the same. They're retired on final salary pensions, so their income hasn't changed. But you'd think they didn't have 2 pennies to rub together!

Or perhaps she's concerned about paying for help in the future when she needs it.