Saying they are poor but they are not?

Perhaps come at it from the angle of the complications if she doesn't set it up before she needs it.

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/power-of-attorney/what-happens-if-you-dont-have-a-power-of-attorney/

If she gets attendance allowance then presumably she is either quite elderly and/or has significant health issues which require supervision and help. Is she actually financially able? Many older women left the finances to their husbands and she might be unclear about her income and outgoings.

Even if she previously was financially competent she may be losing that as she ages although not to the extent that you have noticed it. My mum who was a sharp as a tack in her younger years went through a stage where she must have felt very insecure about both her memory and the finances as she would repetitively ask dad or me about what would happen 'when the money ran out'. We drew up a summary of income and expenditure to try and alleviate the fear but it took a lot of patience to keep reassuring her.

You also say she is making up stories about people kissing her on the bus. It could be that she is craving affection and is making the stories up. But do you know for sure that she isn't overstepping boundaries and hugging and kissing people she regularly sees on the bus? Losing understanding of social norms can be an early sign of some kinds of dementia. My mum now lives in a care home and I have seen her hug the staff and heard her telling them she loves them. It's a lovely home and the staff tell her they love her back as that is the easiest thing to do.

One thing is for sure - she is ageing every week and you don't know what is around the corner. Strokes, heart attacks, accidents can happen without warning. She needs to set up POA asap. Perhaps your DH could say you and he are also getting them set up for yourselves 'just in case' anything happens to one of you and it is a sensible thing for her to do as well?

My gran is like this! Extremely similar situation. She sits in the cold moaning that she can't possibly afford to turn the heating on due to the increased costs. I cannot see how it could be so expensive she can't afford it when she has savings. Nothing is worth sitting in the cold. I've tried to tell her. Offered to pay it myself. She's still bloody cold.

A 'final salary' pension is calculated based on a fraction of your final salary. What that fraction is depends how many years you have in the pension, and the scheme rules.

Id happily take this however it’s calculated! My company closed the scheme whilst I was at uni

Another thing, the 'poverty' only seems to apply to certain things e.g. food she will be rooting around in the discount section of the supermarket, whilst easily buying e.g. a new handbag which is worth quite a bit. Would this be a dementia thing?

Id say not, more a case of thinking certain things should not cost what they cost.

I have plenty of older relatives who plead poverty but who definitely aren’t however one was hiding money and that was the start of dementia, we found thousands stuffed around the house!

I don't think that's a dementia thing. I know loads of people who do that. Claim poverty until they want a holiday/ car/ handbag

I would ignore it seriously. If I had a pound everytime my in laws (who are sitting on huge savings) said they were poor, I would never have to work again!
they say things about not putting the heating on and only eating meagre meals when they have a stash in the bank. It’s sad really to live like crap to save a few pence - I often want to shout out you can’t take it with you when you go!!

And yet you suggest she has symptoms of dementia like the strange stories she is telling. Maybe she has an inkling of that and is aware of how expensive dementia care is. I'm nearly 70 very fit physically and mentally so far. I don't plead poverty but I'm very aware, having had a mother who had to go into a care home, of how much these things cost.

A 'final salary' pension is calculated based on a fraction of your final salary. What that fraction is depends how many years you have in the pension, and the scheme rules.

For example in the old NHS pension you earned a pension worth1/80th of your final salary for each year you worked - so if you worked for 40 years you got half your salary (and it was capped at 45 years, so you couldn't get much more than half). The university scheme is I think around 1/70th per year. Civil service and teaching are the most generous at around 1/50th, so with those you could just about get a pension equal to your full salary if you joined at 18 and worked there with no breaks for your entire career.

My mum.was like this whilst taking home more than me a month a senior programmer. I get your point that your income has to go four ways more than your mums. I to have to upkeep my house and do whereas my mum let hers fall into disrepair. She had no money. But 200 times what I had in the bank. If bought a cup of tea for £1.50 she told me I had more money than sense. That's why she had so much money, she spent none of it. Maybe she is terribly poor and you are as a pp said just poorer. How can you then help her? Just say "I know its sad isn't it" and move on. My mum.just wanted to complain

to be honest being a pensioner is very scary at the moment. my partner is retiring in two months time and it is very scary. our idea a year ago was his private pension he put a sixth of it into my business then when I am 65 in 5 years time, that would be our retirement nest egg. sadly due to circumstances beyond our control my business has just crashed leaving us with nothing. it is scary how really low the amount of money in the pension is if we are talking 20 years for us it will leave us desolate. there is no way of knowing how we will cope. maybe this is the problem with your mil though in theory it sounds like in theory she is ok own home benefits etc but at the moment things are so uncertain it must be very worrying for her

Yep. My DF pleads poverty then gleefully admits to being able to Save 400 pounds a month. When we ask him what it's for, he says "well it's what I've always done."
We have no designs on getting our hands on his money, we'd far rather he spent it all on having a lovely life instead of penny pinching.