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Elderly parents
Original poster

What a day to die!

61 replies

cheesecurdsandgravy · 25/12/2024 19:51

FIL died today at noon. He had been on end of life care (diazepam and morphine) since yesterday morning following a sudden decline and admission Monday morning due to heart failure and a chest infection.

practicalities and problems… 5 days to register death. Death certificate won’t be issued until Friday as whoever organises paperwork at the hospital is off until then. Can’t book a registrars appointment until that paperwork is done. I presume that in cases like this (when everything is rightly closed!) we aren’t going to add to our stresses if we can’t get an appointment booked until Monday?!

MIL getting antsy as “nobody is returning her calls”. Again, I don’t see why funeral directors aren’t entitled to Christmas off and I think the vicar is busy today…! But, I get that she needs to feel she’s doing something - she knows that FILs body will remain at the hospital safely, but it’s not where she wants it to be, and she can’t see him as (you guessed it) the mortuary is closed for Christmas! I’m deep breathing through it and providing regular food and hot drinks…

anything else I can do?!

OP posts:
fudgesmummy · 25/12/2024 20:19

My mum died on Boxing Day 2 years ago.
We had a hell of a problem finding a doctor to sign the death certificate

iwishihadaname · 25/12/2024 20:17

cheesecurdsandgravy · 25/12/2024 19:51

FIL died today at noon. He had been on end of life care (diazepam and morphine) since yesterday morning following a sudden decline and admission Monday morning due to heart failure and a chest infection.

practicalities and problems… 5 days to register death. Death certificate won’t be issued until Friday as whoever organises paperwork at the hospital is off until then. Can’t book a registrars appointment until that paperwork is done. I presume that in cases like this (when everything is rightly closed!) we aren’t going to add to our stresses if we can’t get an appointment booked until Monday?!

MIL getting antsy as “nobody is returning her calls”. Again, I don’t see why funeral directors aren’t entitled to Christmas off and I think the vicar is busy today…! But, I get that she needs to feel she’s doing something - she knows that FILs body will remain at the hospital safely, but it’s not where she wants it to be, and she can’t see him as (you guessed it) the mortuary is closed for Christmas! I’m deep breathing through it and providing regular food and hot drinks…

anything else I can do?!

Sorry about ur loss

justfornow1 · 25/12/2024 20:11

My auntie died in May, on a Friday. It still took til after the post mortem to be able to register the death, which was 6 days. Everything was really slow.

I'm sorry this has happened today for you all.

SporadicMincePieMuncher · 25/12/2024 20:11

Oh I'm sorry that's proper shit for your to deal with.

I think all you can do is tea and sympathy for MIL and kindly broken record: "he's safe when he is. There's nothing that can be done any sooner."

She's probably fixating on that as a coping strategy right now. Xx

NinjaOfEnnui · 25/12/2024 20:09

I'm so sorry for your loss 💐My dad died last Christmas Day - got the call from the hospital at 5.30 am, so that was fun. I was worried like you about the practicalities. Seriously - as long as things are set in motion, it really doesn't matter if it takes longer than strictly allowed. The funeral director did move him on Christmas Day, but that all started again on the 27th. I think the doctor called me to go over the death cert then too, but the registrar didn't get back in touch until early Jan I think (it was a phone appt and I think I was back at work) as there was a bit of a backlog from Christmas eve etc, and the previous weekends. I kept phoning the funeral director in a panic but they are really calm and kind and know who to chase to get things moving.

shellyleppard · 25/12/2024 20:04

Op so sorry for your loss. Maybe your mil is coping with the grief by being busy. Some people just cope better if they feel like they are doing something xSending hugs x

katcatkat · 25/12/2024 20:03

Death has to be registered within 5 days of the medical examiner saying you can not 5 days from the death.
My dad died on the 14th in a care home under palliative care due to issues at the GP surgery the medical examiner did not deal with it until Friday and our appointment to register the death isn't until the 28th due to christmas.
Don't stress about that

user87349287657 · 25/12/2024 20:02

Sorry for your loss.
However - I don't think you’ll find things would move much quicker if it was a Monday morning in June! Since Covid registering a death and all the ongoing admin has been a much slower process. Funerals round here are routinely a month or more after death even if there are no PM’s or other extenuating circumstances.
I know it feels like you should be doing something, but really, there is no rush. Condolences to you all.

WimpoleHat · 25/12/2024 19:58

Oh gosh - that’s an added layer of stress that nobody needs. Hopefully you will find more open tomorrow and then more again on 27th. So sorry for your loss.

EVHead · 25/12/2024 19:57

So sorry to hear this. My dad died on 31 December and I felt so bad pushing my mum to phone to make an appointment to register the death before everything shut down for two days, followed by the weekend!

It’s a horrible time - can you offer tea and sympathy, meals for the freezer, practical help phoning family and friends?

laundryobsessed · 25/12/2024 19:55

SO sorry for this loss especially on Christmas Day; holding you in mind. Thoughts and prayers. Xx

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