What a day to die!

Wishing you all the best op 💞 my mum died very young in February and her death wasn’t registered for 2 weeks! I worried and worried after reading about the 5 days but our registry office didn’t physically have any available appointments. When I worried about it they said I wouldn’t be in trouble and couldn’t be as it was them that didn’t have appointments and it’s there as a guideline so people register as soon as possible. I hope that gives reassurance to anyone else in the same situation

Having done this recently, our funeral director reassured us that the 5 day rule has been officially a thing of the past since Covid. It took around two weeks to get the death registered, IIRC. In the end, because of holidays and so on, it was nearly six weeks from the death to the funeral, but we were all glad of that time - it meant there was enough time to think about music and readings, visit potential venues etc.

I do slightly disagree with a PP about copies of the death certificate, though - I was surprised how many organisations demanded a paper copy, so it was useful to have plenty. I think we had ten, and definitely needed at least half of those.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't offer much advice but I did find that walking, especially near water really helped my after the death of my DF.

I don't know if you get DMIL to go on a walk with you tomorrow? A change of scene and being outside might help her a little

Sorry for your loss. Please don't worry about any delays this time of year. DM died on the thursday eve before Easter which delayed the necessary paperwork to get her death certificates and transfer her from the hospital mortuary to the Funeral Director. The FD was very supportive. The registrar did raise an eyebrow at the delay but they had a waiting room of grieving relatives in exactly the same position as us.

Don't stress about the timings. DH died over a holiday period and we weren't able to get the death certificate for a couple of weeks. The registration appointment took even longer. No problems at all. It will be fine.

You don't need lots of certificates these days. That used to be the case, but the majority of things can be done online now. We've only needed 2 (and could have got away with 1, but wanted a 'main' copy immediately filed and never touched and 1 to take out and about for the few places that need to see it in person) for the most recent death we dealt with.

To add to the good information already provided we had a family death a few years ago on Christmas Eve, the coroner was briefly involved and a PM but we were not able to have the funeral until the second week in Feb. As others have said, we seem to have a problem in England and really things should be able to be sorted out far quicker. Ireland its two days which is quick but surely 10 days if there are no complications is feasible. And get lots of death certificates it makes things much easier.

Sorry for your loss. Just here to say the same about the five days to register the death. My DM passed away last month, the hospital registrar said the five day ‘rule’ was written many years ago and hardly anyone registers within that time scale. The timeframes from getting the go ahead to getting an appointment to register the death doesn’t happen that quickly. Please don’t worry.

Aa explained several times upthread, for a death in hospital the countdown does not start on the day of the death but on the day the hospital issues the medical certificate. Please do not post info.that is likely to alarm the OP and is misleading in these specific circumstances.

Registering the death
Someone needs to register the death within 5 days - unless a coroner is investigating the death. A relative should usually register the death. It’s a criminal offence not to register a death.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/what-to-do-after-a-death/

Nodancingshoes

the 5 days is to register the death and obtain the death certificate, it’s different if a PM is required by the coroner

The 5 days is after the death certificate is issued not the death, don't worry. We had to wait until a PM was done so it was over 10 days until we could book an appointment with the registrar

@havalona as I understand it, having a time limit means there is a route to do something in cases of prolonged fraud or neglect - or perhaps where the institutions involved are being excessively slow. I don't think for a minute that a bereaved person who went a few days over due to bank holidays and slow responses would be in trouble.

Sorry for your loss OP, theres no good time but around Christmas time is particularly difficult.

On a general note to those who.might know, what is the penalty if the death is not registered within the correct timeframe?

Does one want efficiency from a funeral, or would one rather have some time to remember, to grieve, to organise a fitting tribute or just to come to terms with a loss? Every society is different…and there’s no ‘right’ or wrong way to go about it. So that’s a spectacularly unhelpful post!!

Had to register a death a few weeks ago.

Can confirm, the system is now:
a) you wait to be told the MCCD (medical certificate cause of death) is ready, then
b) you go online and book an appointment to register the death.

They email the MCCD through to the registrar so you don't have to pick it up from the hospital any more.

In my case they said, "oh wait a couple of hours before you try to book" and then there were all of 2 appointments left both before 10am. Which was tiresome, as it was a 90 minute drive away. Very early start that day... :[

They offered to let us notify the death from our local registry office, but that wasn't helpful. You don't get the certificates then and there, they're posted to you, and in any case we didn't have his birth and marriage certificates, passport, driving licence etc, they were all at his house.

And it was a good job we did gather them up. Because it turned out there were three variations on his name used on official documents. His death certificate reflects all three, which will help with sorting out his affairs.

I think a backlog got built up during COVID and never cleared. 5 years ago when I lost Mum it was the old 5 day system and was much faster. We managed to bury her within a week and I was quite proud of that!

Sorry for your loss

Since nothing much can be done today, perhaps you could help your MIL choose the photos she wants for the order of service. It would be a nice way to remember him, and to do something useful too.

Start the phone calls and arrangements again tomorrow.

I am sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one over Christmas is hard. But there are always allowances made for issues around holidays. You will be able to get advice and support from the HCPs who were managing your FIL's end of life care. The fact that his passing was expected means that processes should be straightforward.

My son died suddenly over a bank holiday weekend. We had the police, the ambulance service, the hospital, the coroner, it was extremely stressful for a couple of days, but once people were back to work, we did get support and help.

I suggest that one person deals with all communications and writes everything down, and others focus on supporting MIL, as you are doing. There will be someone to speak to tomorrow. Does she know which funeral director she wishes to engage? They are usually very helpful and know how everything works.

MIL getting antsy as “nobody is returning her calls”.

I remember my MIL was utterly stressed after FIL's death. I'd been expecting it for weeks, but she seemingly was utterly floored and not prepared at all. It's just a lot to deal with at any time, but throw in a quick decline and sudden death plus Christmas and it makes it all worse. Everyone involved in registering a death will understand the delays and difficulties around Christmas/New Year bank holidays and getting things done in a timely manner so I wouldn't worry about that.

Please thank your DH for his efforts time and care. I have no religion but my heart warms at practical kindness, which the world so sorely needs, and it sounds like your DH is offering that.

@OneRubyRobin theres a time and place for arguing on the internet and I really don’t think this is it. This is someone who is grieving. Just let it go.

@cheesecurdsandgravy im so sorry for your loss. Hopefully things will start moving tomorrow but i totally agree with others about try not to worry about any delay. It is what it is and can’t be helped. I’m sure all the registrars, etc will have come across this before.

If you say so.

Might I suggest a difference of opinion, my mother died on Christmas day and the primary emotion was shock, any stress around the arrangements was rooted in distress, shock and disbelief. I find "antsy'" dismissive , its a complex situation and the processing takes months if not years. If you post on a. Anonymous forum expecting input from strangers on an emotive subject expect then to have lived experience that may be both similar yet different and not necessarily " wrong" as you phrase it.