Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

Visiting care home with cold

31 replies

user163296648 · 21/12/2024 09:53

I've come down with a heavy cold or flu overnight, achey limbs, headache, upset stomach etc. I'm meant to fly home tomorrow and visit dad in care home over christmas. Would you go? I think I shouldn't go, my sister says go. Am I being over cautious?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Baileysandcream · 22/12/2024 16:48

user163296648 · 22/12/2024 11:26

@MereDintofPandiculation the way i feel today they can all just get stuffed while I wallow in flu-ey self pity. Not a single one of them has asked how I am and I feel SHIT

It's definitely flu not a cold. It's a struggle to even get out of bed so I'm going nowhere. Screw Christmas 🤒

Hope you feel much better soon, look after yourself and rest up !

MereDintofPandiculation · 22/12/2024 16:40

user163296648 · 22/12/2024 11:26

@MereDintofPandiculation the way i feel today they can all just get stuffed while I wallow in flu-ey self pity. Not a single one of them has asked how I am and I feel SHIT

It's definitely flu not a cold. It's a struggle to even get out of bed so I'm going nowhere. Screw Christmas 🤒

Take yourself to bed with a flask of the hot drink of your choice and just stay there. Hope you're feeling better soon. (But don't be too quick to advertise the fact if you are).

Original poster
user163296648 · 22/12/2024 11:26

@MereDintofPandiculation the way i feel today they can all just get stuffed while I wallow in flu-ey self pity. Not a single one of them has asked how I am and I feel SHIT

It's definitely flu not a cold. It's a struggle to even get out of bed so I'm going nowhere. Screw Christmas 🤒

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 22/12/2024 10:17

user163296648 · 21/12/2024 11:52

Thanks all, I think that's pretty clear. I'll get moaned at for not "bothering" to visit dad and he'll be upset I'm not there, but I'll stick to my guns.

I feel guilty for upsetting him but it would be wrong to risk making him and others ill. I like the idea of calling the care home then I can tell sis that I was asked not to visit.

Edited

Send him a nice card saying how sorry you were, but you’ve got a cold/flu/pneumonia (amplify as necessary) and WEREN’T ALLOWED to visit.

Repeat the message loud and wide around your family. Ring the care home manager if you feel you need the weight of evidence on your side.

AInightingale · 21/12/2024 13:08

If you're talking about 'flying home' to the UK, every other person here seems to have flu/RSV/Covid/noro right now. You won't be the only one forced not to see a loved one in a care home at Christmas so don't feel bad about it. If your dad has dementia, Christmas won't mean as much as it did in any case. Can you postpone to the NY?

PermanentTemporary · 21/12/2024 12:51

See if you can (also) join an activity by video call (if he ever joins in). Seeing your dad distracted and perhaps enjoying himself could be really reassuring.

Not if he can't join in of course.

Gazelda · 21/12/2024 12:48

user163296648 · 21/12/2024 12:34

@Gazelda no she visits about as often as me. She just wants me there because he doesn't want to be in a care home (dementia, he can't understand why he's there) and will complain non-stop so it's understandable she wants someome else there. But I'm not going to make him - or her - ill to do so.

Dementia is so sad, isn't it.

Don't feel bad about not going. It's the right decision.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 21/12/2024 12:43

Do not! Arrange to facetime.

Original poster
user163296648 · 21/12/2024 12:36

@Baileysandcream yes I'll try and go after new year's. It's not a long flight, I could have got the train but the ticket prices were ridiculous.

OP posts:
Original poster
user163296648 · 21/12/2024 12:34

@Gazelda no she visits about as often as me. She just wants me there because he doesn't want to be in a care home (dementia, he can't understand why he's there) and will complain non-stop so it's understandable she wants someome else there. But I'm not going to make him - or her - ill to do so.

OP posts:
Baileysandcream · 21/12/2024 12:32

You can't help being poorly, it's just really unfortunate timing which is such a shame.

I wouldn't travel either if you're feeling so unwell, it'll just make you feel worse. Is there any chance you can postpone your trip and rest up?

Gazelda · 21/12/2024 12:26

You're making the right decision. And I hope you're feeling better very soon.

However please don't take what your sister is saying to heart. I imagine she's frustrated that you're unable to visit Dad which presumably is not something you're able to do often.

It's a shame you're a flight away. But try to understand her perspective. Does she live near Dad meaning is able to visit more frequently than you are?

Candleabra · 21/12/2024 12:20

I wouldn’t travel at all if you feel that unwell. Rest up and arrange to see everyone in the new year.

PinkBuffalo · 21/12/2024 12:18

My mums nursing home has a sign up asking if you be unwell at all to please no visit. It is hard, but it is to keep everyone safe xx

hope you feels better soon x

Feelsomuchbetter · 21/12/2024 12:18

Please don’t go on the flight or to the care home

temperance81 · 21/12/2024 12:16

Please don't visit a care home when you are unwell like that.

Original poster
user163296648 · 21/12/2024 12:07

@Rosa I feel quite ill tbh and I don't want to travel, not that anyone in my family has even asked how I am. Grr! I'll see if I can go after new year.

OP posts:
Original poster
user163296648 · 21/12/2024 12:04

@Baileysandcream well yes but some people like to pick faults with everything others do...

Unfortunately my ticket back is on Boxing Day so I don't think i'll be over it by then.

OP posts:
Rosa · 21/12/2024 12:03

And you have the flight first ... Think about the people sitting next to you ( unless you mask up ) - And agree dont go to the care home as what maybe light for you maybe worse for someone else ! Can you postopne for a week and go afterwards?

Baileysandcream · 21/12/2024 11:59

user163296648 · 21/12/2024 11:52

Thanks all, I think that's pretty clear. I'll get moaned at for not "bothering" to visit dad and he'll be upset I'm not there, but I'll stick to my guns.

I feel guilty for upsetting him but it would be wrong to risk making him and others ill. I like the idea of calling the care home then I can tell sis that I was asked not to visit.

Edited

It's not that you're "not bothering" to visit, it's that you have an illness that could have a serious impact on your dad, the other residents and the staff working in the nursing home. So you're doing the right thing by being protective and not risking anything.

Are you home for long - can you wait until you're feeling better?

visitbreakfast · 21/12/2024 11:56

Can they facilitate a video call with you, I'm not sure if you do this anyway but if not it might be a bit of a halfway thing so you can see each other still

Original poster
user163296648 · 21/12/2024 11:52

Thanks all, I think that's pretty clear. I'll get moaned at for not "bothering" to visit dad and he'll be upset I'm not there, but I'll stick to my guns.

I feel guilty for upsetting him but it would be wrong to risk making him and others ill. I like the idea of calling the care home then I can tell sis that I was asked not to visit.

OP posts:
visitbreakfast · 21/12/2024 11:50

No definitely not.

catofglory · 21/12/2024 11:46

My mother is in a care home and they ask you not to visit if you have a cold or similar ailment.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/12/2024 11:44

Stay home. Your sister is wrong.