FIL wants to go into a home - but he’s medically fine!

some Nursing homes do a day care facility once or more a week. Where people are there for the day, meals and then go home, having to pay a daily rate. Can he do that?

or look for a housekeeper to do what he needs, if he can self fund.

there are elderly groups he can attend - U3A ones, church ones etc. can he fill his week up with activities.

He must be absolutely terrified. He's probably not thinking beyond the short term

I don't think he could afford a long cruise either. These are super rich people's solutions.

I do feel for him. He's fed up. I wonder if he might benefit from.a Home Share arrangement where a young person who needs somewhere to live has a room.in his house for a low rent and a number of hours' companionship a week. Plus a patchwork of bits and pieces like a lunch club or two perhaps, ready meals, a cleaner?

Not sure this is true if he has no medical need for a care home

Many homes have a lot of residents with dementia or conditions that confine them more or less to their room. I think he might be more lonely than he thinks in a care home, even without the problem of funding.

Yes I came on to say this. He is unlikely to find much company in most care homes.

Also, physical health tends to deteriorate after moving into a care home - possibly for exactly the reasons your FIL wants it - not doing any of the usual daily tasks and spending a lot of time sitting in a chair and being brought biscuits.

If the money runs out while he is in a care home the local authority would step in to either pick up paying for the home, or possibly move him to a cheaper one. He wouldn’t be chucked onto the street.

He only has money for 18months!

There can be a substantial price difference between the cost and features of a nursing home vs a care home.

It sounds like your MIL needs the medical care of a nursing home but your FIL is thinking of the support and social life of a care home. He would, presumably, have to pay nursing home fees if he were to move into the same one as your MIL and I'd be surprised if his money lasted a more than a year (unless homes are substantially cheaper outside the SE).

Would your FIL feel cared for in some hotels or service apartments that cater for permanent residents?

https://www.kayak.co.uk/news/can-you-live-in-a-hotel/

Just an idea though, could he book himself in for a couple of weeks over Christmas to be with his wife at the end of her life. Poor bloke must be going through hell.

Ok OP, he can't afford a nice residential home unless he is prepared to accept that in 2 years time he could be homeless.
A lot of people think that once the money runs out the state picks up the tab but this doesn't happen.
In your situation I would work with him to try to work out how you can improve his current situation. He sounds depressed, not surprising given that his wife is very gravely poorly, but has he seen a GP re this?
There are a lot of services targeting wellbeing these days, even things like NHS volunteers who will ring him regularly and befriend him. There are also services like lunch clubs, home carers, older person's day trips, all sorts!
Have a look online at what's available in your area.

I was thinking a cruise might be preferable at this point. I read an article a while ago about people paying a significant amount (can't remember what it was) for a permanent cabin on a new ship. Most found that it wasn't the ideal housing solution they were hoping for as, despite the travel, a number got bored after a few years and were then stuck with a cabin that they either couldn't rent/sell back to the company.

But OP, if he wants to be looked after and he has the money, why not suggest a 6 month cruise? He'd be around people, would see new places and have entertainment on top, access to medical care on board in case of emergency etc. He wouldn't be waited on hand and foot, but if that's truly what he wants, he could hire a housekeeper and a companion.

His wife is in a care home, while he's at home alone.

I'm not surprised he wants to go and be with her. It must be awful for him.

@ttcat37
Why does it bother you so much? He wants to be looked after. He has the money. Let him be looked after.
he can only afford 18/24 months max, he has no need.
He's refused every offer to alleviate loneliness, he sounds very spoiled and lazy and far too used to being waited on.

Who made you the thread police?

Yes, we can all read that he doesn't have funds to cover more than two years but that's not to say he wouldn't get continuity of care provided by his local authority after that. If you read OP's other thread, it sounds like he's in a lot worse shape than she has said on this one.

He sounds lonely. However he doesn't have the money for a home. The finances you describe wouldn't cover it for the rest of his life. He can't live with family? He sounds quite high maintenance so I would imagine that would be tricky. House keeper/companion? In London I think there's a scheme called homeshare, not sure if that's nationwide.

Many homes have a lot of residents with dementia or conditions that confine them more or less to their room. I think he might be more lonely than he thinks in a care home, even without the problem of funding. As previous posters have suggested, sheltered accommodation with some kind of communal space would suit him much better from the sound of things. He’d still have to take care of himself though. Of course, he might not want to do anything because he is depressed. That is worth exploring if you haven’t already.

Would he have enough to pay for a housekeeper? Someone who comes in the morning, makes breakfast, prepares something for lunch, does the laundry and a bit of cleaning and then comes back in the evening to make a meal.
If he went into a home expecting to his personal care to be done when he’s capable I think he’d get a shock, as carers would encourage him to do what he can for himself.

He can’t afford it, are the any day centres he could go to a few times per week?

If MIL is dying in the next few days he doesn't need to go I to her home.

He can go into a home with more independence.

There's nothing wrong with him wanting this though..

He is probably very lonely.

And given his wife is about to die of course he's thinking ahead.

Post after post by people who didn't read the OP 😱😱😱😱 is everyone on the sauce tonight?

it's like "cancel the cheque" again

Try and find a home for your fil, him wanting to go in a care home is the biggest hurdle sorted.

My late mum was double incontinent, couldn't walk, talk, feeding was by a tube.
Dementia didn't know who anyone in the family was.
Yet she didn't qualify for free care.
How did your mil get it.

This is what annoys everyone that there is no consistency in who gets or doesn't get help.
Mums house sold for £137k. When she died and probate was sorted.
My 2 brothers, sister and I received £125 each.
Yes I'm glad she was looked after so well as some of the homes were awful.

That sounds a better idea than a care home.

How about sheltered accommodation? He'd have his own small place but help on tap if he needed it and could employ someone to clean for him once a week. There would be a communal lounge, sometimes a restaurant, laundry.

It might even give him a new lease of life.

My aunt moved herself into a care home for similar reasons and had to fund it entirely from her income/savings. It was costing £1600 a week almost.
She actually did not like it after about 3months - it was not half as 'caring' as it appeared. By then she had been ill and was unable to return to her house, even with care going in.

A social worker had to be assigned to assess her who said she did not require care in a care home and was suited to an extra care facility- where she now lives. She has a lovely one bedroomed flat and a care package from very nice on site carers- agreed with social services that meets her needs. They do her housework, washing and ironing and help her shower/bath dress daily and help with meals and medication. It costs about £2300 a month including energy/rent/shopping bills etc. It is mostly covered by her income- pensions and attendance allowance. There is an onsite cafe, lovely social areas and she has made some friends. Her physical health has deteriorated this year but she manages reasonably well there. There is a wide range of abilities amongst the residents- some require very little input at all from carers.
As a person she is difficult at times and demanding but has settled and they deal with her fuss and mini-dramas very well. If her savings money does run out, the council will meet any difference between her monthly income and the costs because they have assessed her as requiring that level of placement.

Yes it does. Problem is, he can’t afford it for more than 18 months.