Would it be unkind to visit on Christmas Day

Not Saint cows sing carols voice text is a nightmare

Maybe visit them earlier in the day on Christmas day and have your Christmas day and lunch a little bit later than normal presents with Saint cows do all that stuff maybe take mince pies or sausage rolls but do it earlier

Oh come on. That sounds like a meaningful saying, but it just isn't, is it? Or we wouldn't have the hordes of threads on here where adult children dutifully look after their aged parents even though those parents were neglectful or even abusive to them. Platitudes do not necessarily sum up the complexity and difficulty of dealing with elderly parents, and we shouldn't pretend that they do.

let them come to yours but keep the session short. Maybe to get back to whatever is on in the home.

The way you treat your parents will be reflected in the way your children treat you.

Exactly, I can't imagine my DF x 2 ....

I would absolutely visit them in their nursing home. Remind them that they didn't enjoy Christmas at your house last year and that they asked to leave early. I suspect they'll have a much nicer time if they stay where they are and where their mobility isn't an issue.

In general I agree but in this case there are two of them working as a team and it sounds as if they are successfully dominating in a negative way, which is worse than the usual situation.

I mean it depends if there's any fondness there....I've had plenty of elderly and/or difficult relatives but I still have a fondness for them and I kind of think they added something to occasions...even if they were hard work

YANBU. You're not abandoning them, you're still going to see them on the day, and if they can't behave themselves it is reasonable to decide they shouldn't ruin a lot of people's Christmas day.

Spend a good chunk of time with them on Stephen's day and let them hold forth with fewer hostages.

Hollow laugh at the idea that visiting relatives in a home doesn't require any patience.

If I'm honest it doesn't sound as if they enjoyed it that much now being at yours. It's perfectly possible to overestimate your ability to cope with events and to keep doing so every year. Go and visit them, ideally a few short visits over the season, and/or multiple people dropping in, and they can stay in their routine and comfort while enjoying seeing you and having your attention. At yours they wouldn't have that.

Why should anyone have to put up with cantankerous family just because they're old?? I've got one of those and will be quite happy when he's not around at Christmas anymore if I'm honest.

I think I would host them for a quiet but festive meal at your house on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day with a few family members to pander to them. The day itself I would visit in the morning taking Buck’s Fizz, mince pie and presents and then spend the rest of Christmas Day at home enjoying the mayhem!

90 year olds hold outdated views? Stop the press!

90-odd years of life, they could have learnt to show some patience too?

Late DM was in a lovely nursing home for nearly 6 years following a stroke which left her paralysed, non verbal and with epilepsy and dementia. The home organised a lovely annual christmas lunch halfway through december so residents and their families could sit down together for a meal. Does your parents place have this option? It sounds like they'd feel overwhelmed at yours?

We visited DM either on christmas eve or christmas day and opened her presents with her and her grandchildren. It wasn't possible for her to leave the home due to her complex medical needs but we did feel judged and got snippy comments (from "friends" who visited her maybe once a year!) about why we weren't having her at our house (no wheelchair taxis available, we live up a flight of steep steps and have no downstairs loo) over Xmas day. I also feel it would upset her too much to come round and then have to go back as she didnt understand her physical limitations due to the dementia. I miss her so much this time of year as she loved christmas.

If your parents have had 75 years of getting their own way at Christmas, it's more than time somebody else got a say.

I’d host them, they won’t be around for much longer but I’d plonk them in front of a TV with programmes they enjoy and then you all play games / chat etc.

I’m a big believer in everyone making space for the generations - from babies to the elderly - so I think we all just have to try and adapt.

Defo time for a change. Sounds the ideal compromise so the parents still see you but don’t ruin things for other family members.

OP- reading your original post, can’t believe why some posters think you should still entertain them on Christmas day! You’ve done your bit, and been very long suffering. I wouldn’t let them blight the day any more. They’d be better off in their familiar surroundings, expressing their views to all the other residents , who probably sympathise with them, and enjoying the festivities laid on for them. It’s your turn to enjoy the day!

My DM is in a home, and she very surprisingly announced that Christmas wasn't just one day, when we said we'd try and visit as close to the day as possible - it's a 2 hour drive from us. She was very level headed, and she enjoyed all the activities that the home laid on throughout the month, rather than focusing on one potentially busy and tiring day.

Of course, do it!

Everyone has relatives with different opinions, you just agree to disagree and don't turn it into a battle. That doesn't mean everyone else can't enjoy the day
that is easier said than done if the views being expressed are racist or homophobic for example , some things you can’t just ignore .

How awful and mean. I hope your children never treat you like that.

You’ve hosted them for years and sound like you’ve done a very good job of it. Time to ring the changes! You can explain that it’s too much and just visit them on Xmas eve or Boxing Day instead. Say it’s your age and energy levels, all the driving etc!!