I can't do this anymore

OP, please call the ambulance- tomorrow am first thing, or even tonight.

If you carry round this very frail and in pain old lady she may fall, you may fall, your husband may fall down the stairs. If her bed is not changed, then she will get bed sores/have urine on her skin, she needs two people to lift her and two people to move her in bed, change her, wash her and so on.

You can't do this any more and it's reached crisis stage (by you I mean all of you together can't do this, let alone you as an individual person).

It’s time you all started thinking of the sick old woman, confused and in pain and not these petty things. You’re setting up horrible trauma for your DCs too.

I work in this area and would be ringing and would be ringing an ambulance myself if it knew where she was. I can’t actually believe this

Op you are under enormous pressure. Ask sil to leave and it can be discussed tomorrow. Call an ambulance once she has gone, and the drs at the hospital can assess her needs properly.

My thoughts are with you all. This is the hardest situation 💐

Quite

You have such a lot of your plate at the moment. I sincerely hope that your DS's ultrasound goes well and that 2025 has something very nice in store for you.

What is your SIL's objection to your MIL returning to her home? Is she worried your DH wouldn't pull his weight and would leave her to it? It doesn't sound like you're getting the best versions of either of them at the moment, so perhaps better to keep your expectations low and not rely on either of them. Neither have the capacity to consider your needs at the moment, so you will need to be your own champion.

How does your DH feel about his mother potentially passing in your home? I think you have more than enough going on and are well within your rights to say no, but I also know that end of life is exceptionally unpredictable. My advice would be to either take immediate direct action to prevent it (and those options seem very limited to either hospital or her own home at this exact moment in time) or start to think about how you will make peace with her passing in your home if it does happen unexpectedly before a hospice bed becomes available. Sorry, I don't think you should have to face that, but I also think that having a mental plan of how you'd cope should it happen would be wise. For example, you could plan to buy a new bed and rearrange your room. Nothing will make it ok if it's something that is distressing for you, but having a plan helps us continue.

Can you take the kids and go to your MIL's bungalow alone OP? Leave your husband and his vile sister to it. I think you mentioned it was nearby. Even if not ideal, it would give you headspace. You are going through horrendous stress with your child atm too, that alone would break some people. Doesn't your SIL care about that? She sounds horrifically selfish.

On the off chance that there is a bed, is it not a chance worth taking?

The OP and SIL are going thirteen rounds as if their beef is the only important aspect of this situation.

It is not.

Agree. That poor old woman.

You are having the worst time, OP. I hope your MIL gets a hospice bed very soon, a reassessment by the district nurses is urgent. So sorry.

I’m so sorry to read about the awful time you are going through.
Is there any way that your MIL can go back to her house (I think you said it was 10 mins away) and your DH and SIL stay there with her, so that you and your children get your home back. From what you’ve said it seems that it wouldn’t be for long as sadly your MIL seems to be deteriorating very fast.

Well done 👏 👏 👏. You are important. No one is advocating for you x

From updates, the only real solution for you is to leave with your kids and go elsewhere, because from stupidity/grief/intransigence/whatever you are getting nowhere with your husband and SIL.

I feel extremely sorry for the dying woman in the middle of this, above everyone else, because she is being failed horribly by seemingly practically everyone involved.

ETA a safeguarding referral to social services would not in my view be uncalled for, for her, not anyone else.

OP has previously said it is a rental and given she and DP have two kids, I presume they have a joint lease. So how is she supposed to throw SIL out and what do you think the police will do if one person living in the house wants SIL to be there and SIL is not breaching the peace in any way.

What is the point of these outlandish comments?

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld the last thing the OP wants, it seems, is to bring her MIL to A&E and have her languish there for hours, days even. And yes the SIL sounds impossible, but bringing the police in is hardly going to help matters!

@ChristmasGrinch24 is this your house or your dp's house??? throw her out!! call the police to eject her or charge her for breech of the peace or assault if necessary!!

@ChristmasGrinch24 throw your sil out of your house!! cheeky lazy barsteward!!! your partner needs to take the bull by the horns before your whole family falls apart!! she needs to be taken to hospital where they will find a bed for her!!!! you dont seem to realise that they always always always manage to find beds in these circumstances. you are not even getting help in the community!!!!

District nurse has said she is not eligible for daily visits, even if living at home. She will not yet meet the criteria for drugs that are given in the last few days.

I am not sure of your background, but OP won't have prescribed these herself, so why do you say they aren't the right drugs? GP and district nurse are aware of the situation.

Tramadol and morphine are not the correct drugs for her now. She needs professional help probably a syringe driver. So cruel, please get help.