I can't do this anymore

But I could have been told thst. Instead of the cruel remark back. How does that make it any better than what I apparently did! Which was nothing in comparison.

As per my later post, what you said was cruel and certainly not nothing.

Leave it. Walk away from this thread. You aren’t helping yourself, OP, or her MIL. I won’t engage with you again on this.

I didn't wade in just to be critical. I like you and other commented on the ops post with my thoughts. Which I am allowed to do on here. It wasn't an attack. It was still my allowed thoughts on this whole week for the lady in the middle of this who's own children weren't doing what was needed for her(as the op was so upset about herself)
I'm sorry if I was too harsh. I have watched this thread and like others got extremely sorry for the suffering mother as the time and behaviour went on. And did think it could jave been halted by the op at certain points. As other posters were indeed telling her too.
And no it probably wasn't helpful. But I could have been told thst. Instead of the cruel remark back. How does that make it any better than what I apparently did! Which was nothing in comparison.

I didn't put anything near that level of directed venom.

Telling an exhausted, drained woman - who has been working her socks off trying to do her best for a a dying loved one, whilst she is being berated by other family members, and who is still looking after her own kids and not even sleeping in her own bed - that the dying person would not have felt loved is a very high level of “directed venom”, to use your phrase.

If you casually kick someone when they're at their lowest and most vulnerable sometimes they will bite back. It's not nice, it's probably not fully deserved but it is hardly unexpected.

There are real human beings on the other side of your screen.

You were a bit of a dick. Sometimes I'm a bit of a dick. It happens, we're only human. Best to just say 'sorry, I was having a bad day and it read differently in my head' and then move on with your life.

@Itsgottobeme OP is not obliged to respond to everyone who has been unkind to her if she wants to respond to a few posters who have been so.

And those saying unkind things to OP earlier at least had the excuse that they were trying to push the situation to change.

You waded in after things had been resolved, simply to be critical, and doubled down on it when asked to stop.

So no, we don’t know what your life is like, but honestly, did you think your contribution was helpful or considerate in any way?

There is zero reason for you to come on and make quite a horrible personal attack. You know nothing of my circumstances. You've no idea. And that much vicious wording is cruel.
Others have said similar to me and I don't see you once going at them like that.
I didn't put anything near that level of directed venom.
You yourself were berating and going at your dp and sil over their horrific behaviour. So much so you were breaking dkwna and about to leave!
Being stressed does not mean you jave free reign to say what you have to me. My reply to you was barely a whisper of what you ans others on here have said. I was merely feeling for the woman in the middle of all this for a week.

My experience of hospice care is that the family can breathe a big sigh of relief and then get on with properly being with their loved one, rather than frazzled and shouty and upset because the caring tasks end up too much for one person.

As for consent, consent can fluctuate when people are confused, it does not mean it's gone for ever unless someone has done a consent assessment and even then that only reflects that time. People with brain mets can end up quite lucid at some points and with it, and confused and seeing or saying odd things at others. It is not the case that once you reach a certain stage you just can't consent, they do try to get consent of the patient where possible, it's not always possible but they do try.

I am so, so glad you've got it sorted, end of life can be so stressful when people aren't on the same page.

I don't think people really have an understanding of being IN the situation, rather than objectively judging from the outside.

OK, I haven't understood OP as having said that but maybe I have missed it. They seem to have got over that hurdle though, which isn't a bad thing.

@ChristmasGrinch24 I understand WHY your SIL reacted the way she did, but it’s still not good enough. As adults, we have to grit our teeth and deal with losing our parents, not make it worse for everyone. I’m assuming that she’s middle-aged, not a young adult.

@Topseyt123

They do have to have the agreement of the patient.

Only if the patient has an understanding, which given what OP has said here, she definitely does not have.

You are doubling down on your jabs at the OP, who is in a very shitty situation - so why shouldn’t others express their agreement with the OP? Honestly, telling someone to shut up is miles less offensive than berating someone with a dying loved one trying to do their best. Maybe just leave it, eh?

Good for you. That was needed wasn't it? For you to add a jab aswell. For no reason whatsoever do you need to reiterate that point,it's not your issue. But I gather it mist make you feel good, so yay.

Just over a week is really good going to get a hospice bed.

I agree with the shut up.

They do have to have the agreement of the patient. Not ridiculous at all. My mother has one a DNR too. OP hasn't said that her MIL is unable to give this consent or that her mind has completely gone.

OP, I'm relieved to hear that you finally have a hospice bed sorted. I do hope that things start to ease up as much as possible for you now, and that they are able to keep MIL as comfortable as possible in her final days.

How could she possibly consent/understand a DNR? The GP is utterly ridiculous.

You made this thread. You can't expect smoke up your for all of it. I get you've been put in a horrific position. But for a week? All from the outside is a week of this woman getting worse and noone stepping up. When it is your home so at that point it was your decision. *and when the 2 in-laws kept going round and round at about day 3 you stop them, surely!?
Because your mil would be hearing all this and it couldn't have felt nice. But telling a differing opinion to shut up isn't OK.

I'm glad you managed to get things sorted though I hope with what comes next your all OK.

I am so pleased that there is a hospice bed available, that really is the best outcome. You have been amazing btw x

Glad she's been moved, OP. I think you are right, people resist the truth, which is their parent is dying, can't be kept at home, and need to go into palliative or hospice care (or hospice at home which is mostly very good). They struggle to accept that truth and that's a very difficult time then because the person can deteriorate whilst they are coming to terms with it all.

I hope it's a good visit and that you are not too exhausted, let everyone else carry the load for a little while, it might be you can pop in and then come home and rest, let SIL and your husband step up at this point, as people also need peace and quiet towards the end as well, so don't feel guilty if you are not there all the time. I also found going into the chapel in the hospice very calming.

Don’t know how to, as it happens!
Have read update now, though.

Could you click the option that says 'see all OP's posts'?!

Call 999, she needs to be in hospital. Once there, put your foot down and refuse to have her back in your home.