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Elderly parents
Original poster

I can't do this anymore

560 replies

ChristmasGrinch24 · 04/12/2024 15:57

My mother in law has stage 4 cancer, caught it late.
I've been running around non stop for two months straight while also caring for two kids with disabilities.im also unwell myself with a disability.

Shes now at the point where she's not well enough to be living on her own, and she's moved into ours. And I just cannot cope.
This morning she wet the bed, so I can to clean it up. She doesn't know where she is half the time. Shes at risk of falling.
It's to much. To much on top of my other caring responsibilities. I haven't showered in over a week.

My partners sister is the biggest selfish known to man, she doesn't give a shit. She doesn't even ring up to ask how she is.

I can't have her staying with us, it's just to much constantly, what can I do?

OP posts:
Wobblecushion · 04/12/2024 18:28

DH needs to step up and get appropriate care in place for MIL. Her needs are only going to increase.

SauviGone · 04/12/2024 18:16

Whatever your partner is doing while you’re busting a gut to care for his mother, he needs to stop, and take over from you.

cestlavielife · 04/12/2024 18:09

How did she move in without carer support?
Dh needs to arrange housekeeping support to change beds etc and carer support
But main point
Tell dh she moves out tonight As you cannot provide the care she needs

ChaosHol1 · 04/12/2024 18:04

Does she not have a palliative care team involved if she's stage 4 who you can speak to and ask if there is anywhere she can go to be cared for. Having just lost my mother in law and my mum last year to stage 4 that progressed quickly I know how tough it is, you have my sympathy.

Womblewife · 04/12/2024 18:02

Where is your partner in all this ? It’s his mother ?

Comedycook · 04/12/2024 18:02

As harsh as it sounds, she's not your mother and you have enough on your plate. If your DH won't step up to sort this, what I'd do is tell him and his sister that you are refusing to provide any more care and you will be telling adult social services that they will need to step in if DH/sil refuse to look after their own mother.

Tuhlula · 04/12/2024 18:01

That is so much to deal with. No wonder you can't do it all. You've done more than enough already. Please call social services.
Why are you blaming SIL and not your partner?!

Christmaseason · 04/12/2024 17:59

Call social services, tell them you can’t do it anymore, tell them she will be laying in her own mess from now on, filthy dirty and hungry.
Lay it on thick and they’ll step in, this is what I had to do with my DM.
Before I did this I was getting know where fast with her care.

unsync · 04/12/2024 16:32

This is your partner's mother? Shouldn't your partner be doing all of that?

However, as they aren't, you need to take action to look after yourself. If she's EoL, she should be NHS funded. If not, is she self funding? Otherwise you need to get SS on board as suggested by PP. Who has PoA?

countrygirl99 · 04/12/2024 15:59

Call social services and tell them. Carer breakdown is the phrase to use