I can't do this anymore

If the DC goes into school and tells someone there that the grandparent ended up sleeping in their bed then it would end up being flagged as a safeguarding concern without you doing anything.

I do think you should get on with calling an ambulance and get her out of your house. What would have happened if she'd also wet your DC's bed and you ended up with another mattress out of action? Or worse, ended up dying in the DC's bed?

Safeguarding isn't just about physical or sexual abuse but also emotional or neglect. It looks like you're caught in a terribly hard situation but the last thing you need is a SS safeguarding investigation so I'd get on with ringing that ambulance and getting her transferred to hospital.

Having just lost my mother in law last month to cancer and my mum last November. I'm absolutely disgusted at the lack of support and care she and you are getting. It sounds like she should be on end of life care. I appreciate you not wanting her to go to hospital however the truth is, shel be far more comfortable and settled there with people attending to her needs 24 hours a day. Whilst one of our mums was in hospital for end of life and hospice was a better experience with the other. The truth is, as things progress it could become distressing for all of you and her, as you be at the hands of the district nurses who have so far proven to be useless and could be waiting hours if you call in the night.

Has her doctor prescribed a just in case bag, for if she needs stat doses of pain relief or to calm her if agitated for the district nurses to attend and administer. Has she been prescribed oramorph for pain? Has she been prescribed fortisip high calorie drinks by the gp?

If she can't attend her hospital appointment and isn't lucid, your dh could call and ask if he can attend in her place if he has power of attorney in place.

Your sister in law sounds useless and whilst it's so hard in the moment, I found it easier when grieving knowing I had no regrets and had done everything to support my mum, as you have done.

I'm so sorry @ChristmasGrinch24 you're between a rock and a hard place. It's clear you're desperate for help, your MIL is dying, why no one seems to be taking that onboard is a mystery to me. My Father died of cancer, the Dr wanted to put him into a hospice but there was no room and he died two days later, he just quietly went to sleep so your MIL may be closer to the end then you think.
At least when she does pass you'll know you did everything you could

If you think she is suffering then call 999.

Has the GP prescibed end of life drugs?

Sorry I wasn't saying to put a lock on. Simply saying that was the likely outcome of reporting a safeguarding concern. It wont hurry things up.
Can you just tell her she has been referred for chemo but has to wait? I know it is a lie, but might be easier just to placate her.

@ChristmasGrinch24 it is sadly very common to have confusion as people are nearing the end of their life.

Exactly. No one would be worried about this being a safeguarding concern for the child. The only action would be to recommend a lock for the sons bedroom door.

This is very traumatising for the DC

Call an ambulance

thank you @AnotherVice ,I had no idea that such medication could be carried by paramedics.

A great example of how people like to use 'buzzwords' without either thinking or understanding what they are actually saying.

Hmmm. Personally, I would doubt whether a confused, frail, elderly lady getting into the wrong bed would actually be safeguarding, and would think it would just rain complication on OP at a time when she least needs it.

Just In Case medications. They are specifically for end of life and usually include morphine for pain relief and breathlessness, hyoscine for respiratory secretions, an anti-sickness medication and a sedative for agitation. They have to be given by injection or syringe-driver so can only be given by a healthcare professional. This would usually be a hospice nurse, district nurse but can be a paramedic. The drugs are usually prescribed by the GP but Paramedic Practitioners carry emergency supplies.

@AnotherVice what are JIC meds please?

IME nothing gets action like a safeguarding concern.

OP, I work for the ambulance service and seldom say this but please do call 999. It may not be what we are primarily for but we do deal with this sort of thing a lot. We can stay for hours and make all the calls and have a duty of care to not leave until it is sorted one way or another. If you request a Paramedic Practitioner for JIC meds they will likely send one if a car who can administer morphine, hyoscine for her breathing etc....Good Luck.

That would not seem likely to get OP’s family what they need, but would just bring down more stuff to deal with.

You need to flag a safeguarding concern on behalf of your son.

It's worth pointing out to the family (and bearing in mind yourself) that if she were hospital/a hospice the people looking after her would be on shifts. It is not possible for 1 person to care for a sick/dying person 24 hours a day with no respite.

It's a cliche I know, but you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help others.