I can't do this anymore

Ignore that poster accusing you of neglect. That's clearly bollocks. You are doing everything possible and you have explained everything really well during the thread.

As you say, how could the GP be trying to arrange palliative care if they were unaware of your MIL.

How is your MIL getting dressed? how is she toileting? attending to personal care? or are you just allowing her to live in her filth? which is neglect by the way!

There are shortage of beds in Hospice however, Care Homes are an alternative and can provide 24/7 end of life care. If OP is refusing to admit her MIL into a care home or hospital, this is neglect and potentially a safeguarding.

The local authroity have a duty to the MIL however, if they do not know about the situation (it sounds like they dont know) how can they support this lady?

OP and her husband should be contacting adult social care for support.

or until families actually seek proper help

Sorry you are going through this. As you described her performance status is unlikely to meet the threshold of chemotherapy. I’m so sad to see the decline of Pall Care services in this country and that we are in the situation of charities providing such basic and important care such as dying well. This is why the assisted dying bill cannot go through until palliative care services are properly invested, otherwise we will have people opting for suicide because they have no other option.

Do you have Hospice at Home in your area? The local hospice may know this as the district nurses may not. You need a bag of JIC meds which are injectable or through a syringe driver, not just morphine pills for end of life care.

So hard OP and you are doing a wonderful job of caring for her in less than ideal circumstances, and it sounds like everyone is just hoping they don't have to do anything about the situation. Keep being the squeaky wheel.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this OP, you are doing so well in absolutely crap circumstances. Don’t listen to the rubbish about your son and safeguarding him. You’re doing your best and trying to get alternative solution’s for her care.

I was in a similar situation but luckily they found a hospital bed quickly and she got the care she needed and what I couldn’t give her. I know she would have preferred to die at home but it would have been awful for this to happen as she would have been in a pain whereas she passed very peacefully in hospital either her family.

Ignore them, this isn't a safeguarding situation. You are doing all you can and those of us who have been in such a desperate situation can see that and can sympathise with how difficult it is ♥️

Oh get a grip, the child is 13 fgs. A simply chat would eliminate the need for further action.

Ignore whoever it is harping on about safeguarding.

What a load of nonsense.

Hope you're doing ok, OP.

@SheilaFentiman well, from my experience of safeguarding whilst working in a school and in voluntary roles in the community, you take what the child says at face value, record concerns and pass them on so that SS can build up a picture of what's going on.

What is stopping your H from wrapping his mother in a blanket, carrying her downstairs, putting her in the car, and ferrying her to A&E? She weighs five stone, right?

They’re are other drugs too. Let me see if I can find some info. It’s not just for pain relief

www.mariecurie.org.uk/professionals/palliative-care-knowledge-zone/symptom-control/anticipatory-medicines

The op does not know this as no one has checked.

Delirium in an elderly frail person merits hospital admission to keep them comfortable and ease pain and distress.

OP

I think you are at this stage now. You haven't got a hospice bed or pallitaive bed, though you have tried your hardest. It is also possible that the hospital would be better equipped to nourish her and manage her weight - though it may be the case that eg tube feeding is not worth the distress for the small chance of her improving enough to have chemo.

I think your DP is deep in denial if he is still talking about chemo and the kindest thing would be for MIL to be in a place where she is secure and can have 24h care on call.

Thinking of you

Your OH sounds like a catch - he needs to sort his Mum out not you

Also are you sure she hasn’t got a UTI or something if symptoms have suddenly changed

The sudden deterioration indicates a UTI. She needs urgent medical attention.

If the DC goes into school and tells someone there that the grandparent ended up sleeping in their bed then it would end up being flagged as a safeguarding concern without you doing anything.

I honestly doubt it would, if it came with the full information of grandma being close to death and waiting for a hospice bed. Unless you work for social services and know differently?

And I also doubt DS is telling his teachers this sort of detail anyway.

You need to try this.

It's shocking that she doesn't have palliative care. She will die a horrible, undignified, and very painful death unless the NHS does what it is supposed to do.

She needs pain meds and 24 hour personal care.