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Elderly parents
Original poster

I can't do this anymore

560 replies

ChristmasGrinch24 · 04/12/2024 15:57

My mother in law has stage 4 cancer, caught it late.
I've been running around non stop for two months straight while also caring for two kids with disabilities.im also unwell myself with a disability.

Shes now at the point where she's not well enough to be living on her own, and she's moved into ours. And I just cannot cope.
This morning she wet the bed, so I can to clean it up. She doesn't know where she is half the time. Shes at risk of falling.
It's to much. To much on top of my other caring responsibilities. I haven't showered in over a week.

My partners sister is the biggest selfish known to man, she doesn't give a shit. She doesn't even ring up to ask how she is.

I can't have her staying with us, it's just to much constantly, what can I do?

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BruFord · 03/01/2025 14:32

How is everything now@ChristmasGrinch24?

ChaosHol1 · 30/12/2024 11:09

I'm sorry for your loss op, you did all you could for her against alot of adversity. I hope there's a slight weight off your shoulders as there was for me when my mum was finally at peace. I'd sit back now and let her children arrange the funeral and sorting the house. You have done enough and it's now time to concentrate on your own health, that of your children and getting your ds biopsy out the way. I hope all goes okay.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/12/2024 15:52

@ChristmasGrinch24

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's probably only a little comfort, but she's past suffering now and at peace. And remember that she loved you and was loved by you. And was well cared for, by you and by the hospice staff.

After all you've been through, please take care of yourself. Let others do what needs to be done now. You need to rest and decompress.

WTFMartin · 29/12/2024 07:45

So sorry for your loss. It was quick but that was probably a blessing as she’s no longer suffering, but won’t feel like for you all. Take care and look after yourself.

BruFord · 28/12/2024 14:50

Sorry for your loss, @ChristmasGrinch24 💐. She’s at peace and pain-free now. Treasure your happy memories of her- and let your DP and SIL sort everything out, you’ve gone above and beyond already.

Anjo2011 · 28/12/2024 14:17

Sending condolences OP, she’s at peace now. You went over and above, remember that.

funnelfan · 28/12/2024 10:18

Flowers @ChristmasGrinch24

CaveMum · 28/12/2024 07:29

So sorry for your loss @ChristmasGrinch24. you did your utmost for MIL and can hold your head up high. As others have said, take some time to to reevaluate your relationships with your ILs once things have settled down.

Getupat8amnow · 28/12/2024 07:06

I am sorry for your loss. You have been amazing OP. You did the very best you could in difficult circumstances. Your MiL was lucky to have you.

Over the next months reset your boundaries with your DP and his family. Put yourself first - you cant help anyone else if you are falling apart. It is the aeroplane thing - put your own oxygen mask on before you help others put theirs on.

I wish you all the best PO for you and your children. I hope your son's tests come back clear.

Twiglets1 · 28/12/2024 06:02

Sorry for your loss. You did your best for her and she died in the best place. Sorry for all the stress you endured. In a while you will be able to remember her as she used to be & they will be your strongest memories not how things were at the end ❤️

SheilaFentiman · 28/12/2024 04:07

Sending love, OP

DPotter · 28/12/2024 03:31

So sorry Grinch. No consolation at the moment I'm sure - however you did your level best for your MIL and can hold your head high on that.

Flowers Flowers Flowers

Original poster
ChristmasGrinch24 · 28/12/2024 00:53

She passed away at 11pm. Sad

OP posts:
Lostcards · 28/12/2024 00:34

sorry for your loss OP, 💐💐💐

Weenurse · 28/12/2024 00:31

I am so sorry 💐

Flustration · 27/12/2024 22:38

I'm so sorry @ChristmasGrinch24

Big hugs to you and your family

AInightingale · 27/12/2024 21:25

Your predicament was hellish and you were clearly frustrated but your fondness for her was also obvious. Your SIL behaved abominably. Hope you have happier times going into 2025 OP.

MyrtleStrumpet · 27/12/2024 21:23

ChristmasGrinch24 · 27/12/2024 21:20

I just wanted to say thank you to each & every one of you who supported me & gave me advice over the past month.
If it wasn't for all of you, I wouldn't of known what to do so from the bottom
Of my heart thank you because she really did get the very, very best care in the end.

It's what we're here for, to support you xx

Take care of yourself xx

OnlyinBlackandWhite · 27/12/2024 21:22

So sorry that it is all ending now, but glad you had her somewhere peaceful. You did right by her, OP, always know that.

Original poster
ChristmasGrinch24 · 27/12/2024 21:20

I just wanted to say thank you to each & every one of you who supported me & gave me advice over the past month.
If it wasn't for all of you, I wouldn't of known what to do so from the bottom
Of my heart thank you because she really did get the very, very best care in the end.

OP posts:
HoundsOfSmell · 27/12/2024 21:00

I’m so sorry to read this, despite all the complications you gave her so much care and consideration. She will be at peace OP and it sounds like everyone will have said goodbye.

I hope your SIL is still blocked phone wise, what a cow

Mum5net · 27/12/2024 19:48

I’m also sure she would have heard. If I remember correctly you said DMil was positively smiling when you got her into the hospice. DMil would be well aware you were the one who made that happen. Remember that radiance you sorted for her.

Mummapenguin20 · 27/12/2024 19:35

So sorry op. I’m sure she could hear you. X

Original poster
ChristmasGrinch24 · 27/12/2024 19:35

I just can't believe how quick it's gone. She was diagnosed by a&e on 1st November.
57 days..... is all it took. Fuck cancer.

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Original poster
ChristmasGrinch24 · 27/12/2024 19:32

Well I got a call to go over & say goodbye, I think the adneraline kicked in!
I've seen her (dc went into the family room) she's not going to last the next 24 hours. 😭
I had a good long chat with her, I like to think she heard me.

The nurses called his sister up, so when she got there I left dp with her and took dc home.
I'm heart broken.

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