So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die 4

My DM passed just before 3am today, almost the exact time of day as my father did many years ago.
What a journey we’ve had @GoldenSpraint, it’s been so similar and oddly comforting for me, almost as if I wasn’t alone.
Mom had been put on the syringe driver yesterday afternoon and had no breakthrough pain or anxiety after that. My younger son sat by her until midnight whilst I napped on the sofa for a couple of hours then I took over and he went to bed. I sat in the chair next to her with her favourite big band music playing quietly on a dvd and talked to her about all the concerts we had been to together. From quite noisy breathing it gradually became slower and during her favourite “Moonlight Serenade” it became very soft and slow. I said to her that I knew she wouldn’t go whilst I was in the room (a very private person and a bit stubborn!) so I told her that I was going downstairs to make a cup of tea and she could go then. I hugged her and opened the window a crack, when I came back, she gave 3 deep slow breathes and was gone. Probably the best ending that was possible by then.
Everything seems so strange now and I’m sure that it’s the same for you and everyone else going through this. Wishing you all strength

So pleased that your Mum had such a peaceful passing, and that you were able to be with her. I hope your memories will bring you comfort in the days ahead. Sending love.

So sorry for your loss @GoldenSpraint.

Be kind to yourself now, you’ve done so much these last few weeks/days.

@GoldenSpraint Such a beautiful end to your Mum’s journey. The sun shining and birdsong. So perfect and peaceful. Wishing you strength in your solitary journey going forward and thank you for all your support. It’s really meant a lot to me. xx

@GoldenSpraint So sorry for your loss, there is nothing like it. It’s never easy. You spent lots of quality time with her and it sounds as though the end was peaceful and that’s a blessing. Thinking of you today and in the coming days and weeks. There are no rules on how you will feel, just go with it . Your DM is at peace and you have done her proud. Remember that. Sending good wishes.

What a gift you gave to your Mum @GoldenSpraint, the kind of peaceful end everyone wishes for. Peace to you both.

So sorry for your loss @GoldenSpraint but such a peaceful, 'good' death if there can be such a thing. 💐

You did her proud @GoldenSpraint - what a beautiful ending.

Mum's gone, the sun on her face, surrounded by love and birds singing.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Thinking of you @GoldenSpraint

It sounds like you’ve created a lovely and peaceful space for your mum 💛 in the notes my mum left for me, she had added at the end ‘the nice thing about your final journey is that you don’t need to pack’ which I quite enjoyed. Wishing your mum a good final journey.

It's a worry every time I go to the loo! I mentally say, please don't die whilst I'm sat on here, Mum!😕

I've found a dawn chorus on Spotify so am playing that. A dog has just barked! 😁 Cat is wondering what's going on!

Mum's breathing has become very shallow and quiet.❤️🙏

Good morning @GoldenSpraint and your lovely mum (and of course your Chaos Maker in Chief 🐈‍⬛)

Hope today is peaceful for you all. Very gently I will say don’t be surprised if she chooses to gently slip away when you are not there. I have nurse friends who tell me it’s incredibly common for patients to pass in the short space of time a relative leaves the room to go to the loo/get something to eat drink.

Sending much love and strength.

It's a beautiful sunny day here, and the sun is shining on Mum's face.☀️

I read that brightness can cause discomfort but I can't shut the sun out, and I'm sure Mum will want to feel it. ❤️

Our cat's chattering at the birds and causing havoc. 🐈‍⬛️

Another day dawns.

Oh Mum ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

She's holding on so tightly to life. Two whole weeks since her last fluids. Her fourth day of actively dying.

I spoke to her last night about it being okay to go just in case she was holding on for me.

I just have no words left for all of this.

@AgitatedGoose I hope your dad had a comfortable night, sending hugs to you for today's vigil 🤗🤗🤗

@Cupofteaneeded Sending you hugs and hoping for a good day for you and your mum 🤗🤗🤗

@AgitatedGoose thinking of you too. Sending good wishes.

Wanting your DM to be at peace but also the unimaginable pain of knowing she won’t be there.

Yes. I just want to go back in time and spend more time with her, do more with her, and talk to her more.

I've had to work though, so no use wishing. I just have to be grateful I'm self employed and can decide to spend all my time with her now. I know other people aren't so fortunate.

When my granddad was dying I was in another country and couldn't get to him. I wrote to him every single day telling him I loved him, and my mum who did visit read the letters to him.

Spending time with loved ones is the most important thing in the world. ❤️

That sounds wonderful, @AgitatedGoose about your dog. Our cat has been curled up next to mum for the second day. We've all just had a really special day. Mum is 99.9% unresponsive but I gave her a massive cuddle earlier and I could make out a happy sound. When I was talking to her about one of our favourite pastimes she turned her head and opened her eyes a little.

These were such special moments ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I'm going to treasure these times forever.

And I'm so glad you decided to be with your Dad ❤️

Yes, guilt flowers are too late. If she puts them on the step that's as far as they'll come!

I am waiting on a carer bringing me much needed snacks as I've run out! They've been wonderful these last few days ❤️

@GoldenSpraint Wishing you and your Mum a peaceful night together. Your love for her absolutely radiates and I’m so touched when I read your words.
My Dad is still here and I’ve spent the day quietly sitting in his room at the hospice. I’m able to take my dog which is lovely.
I would have ignored the neighbour and as another poster has said - too little too late.

@GoldenSpraint you are doing amazingly well, I remember the feeling well of just waiting. Wanting your DM to be at peace but also the unimaginable pain of knowing she won’t be there. She’s lucky to have you and you her. Do what feels right and that’s all you need to think about. The guilt flowers are too little too late. Don’t give it another thought. Thinking of you.

Oh and neighbour who feels guilty for never visiting mum has phoned twice. I saw her coming back from shopping with some daffs. I correctly surmised they were guilt flowers as she called five minutes later. Haven't answered. Am I bad for not wanting them?

Had a lovely day today. 😊

Expected nurse visit didn't happen, don't know why, which was disappointing 😕 Won't see her again as she's not in work again till this time next week. I wanted to thank her and say goodbye. 😔

Am feeling a bit overwhelmed now. Been so many times today I've thought Mum has gone.

Was offered a sitter from the hospice tonight but I intend to stay with mum. This morning when I said hello she was so overjoyed to see me that I can't bear to leave her. It won't be long, and I don't want her ever to be without me for more than a few minutes. I can doze but most important is for her to know I'm right beside her. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@GoldenSpraint wishing you lots of peace and happy memories. My DM has been conscious at all since the early hours of Monday and doesn’t seem to respond when any of us are there but we’re playing music and talking to her etc. Syringe driver is being delivered today and the local hospice at home are involved from tomorrow. I’m going to keep the regular carers coming in too though as, although she didn’t want anyone coming in at first, only me, she’s since got used to them and they are such a lovely set of ladies. They’ve been a big support for me too

What a horrible dream @HoraceGoesBonkers

Hoping for much needed release for you soon ❤️

I'm going to see my Dad soon - I feel bad but I've not been in a while because of various other things popping up.

I had a horrible nightmare last night that first I was on a bus trip with DH, then my Dad turned up on the bus trip. In the dream he could move but was very confused (in real life he can't move and hasn't really been reacting to his surroundings for many months).

The bus trip turned into a Game of Thrones type wedding (?) and we had to leave Dad as a hostage, and I was wondering if it'd be better if he got killed.

Urrrrgh, horrible and I was so upset when I woke up.

I think all the stuff about the war in Ukraine is stirring it all up in my mind, - it was just short of three years ago, when the war started that he had the last near end of life event (perforated bowel) where my mum was determined to keep him alive then send a message praising God when he had a turd.

It was not long after Russia bombed the maternity hospital in Ukraine I remember rolling my eyes and thinking God should sort out his priorities rather than intervening to save an octogenarian with an incurable and degenerative health condition.

A rainy day here. Mum was so pleased when I returned this morning and held her hand.

By tonight we'll have completed at least three days of active dying.

Her nurse is due to call today. Big changes since Monday.

It's been lovely going over old times and thinking about what a wonderful, talented person she is.

❤️