So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die 4

Mum's still in hospice and I'm still staying with my brother. DP is coming over next weekend and I've just booked flight home with him when he goes home on Sunday. Missing my kids terribly. If thins change I'll just cancel my flight. Drs have said that they didn't think that mum would have been with us for this long. She's having meds increased pretty much daily, is having issues with cough, stopped eating so much over past couple of days and is having thickened fluids. She's totally fed up with everything. It's hard

@Thiszebraiscrossing I’m not really sure how I see the future at the moment. There’s a lot to sort out which will take several months. I think I’m just going to take one day at a time for now.

Sending strength @AgitatedGoose . How do you see your new life

Sending lots of love, @AgitatedGoose

Yesterday was my Dad’s funeral. It was beautiful and poignant and the only thing that was difficult was three members of Dad’s family turning up particularly as they hadn’t bothered with him or me for years. Now that everything’s over I feel cast adrift and untethered. As an only child I’m now completely alone and I know moving forward I’m really going to struggle. It’s a good thing that most of the time I’m extremely capable.

From my experience, hospices tend to work to about two weeks. They would assess the patients condition after that, but if your mum was ill enough to qualify for a hospice bed, it would be unlikely for her to pick up enough not to qualify for hospice care (at home or on hospice).

I had the same worries about my mum when she had a ‘good’ day. We had to battle to get the space in our hospice, and I was terrified of her being discharged. I think it’s quite unusual though.

Thank you. Today felt like a difficult visit though it was far from the worst. I'm not at peace with dm living like this. Nothing to be done.

@PermanentTemporary not wrong at all. My chief concern was that she was not in pain. Thank you and I hope your own circumstances are not too difficult.

@CeliaCanth I hope this doesn't come out wrong when I say it is lovely to hear of a peaceful end - even if after too long a decline. I hope you have found a bit of space this evening.

Well my mum died this morning. She died peacefully in her sleep but it has been so painful watching her decline yet her life being prolonged way after all quality had gone. Feel a strange sense of release but oddly adrift. Have had a good cry tonight. Love to all on this thread.

@Gcn I managed to get signed off sick by my GP but obviously this couldn’t have continued for long as I wouldn’t have been paid. I knew my Dad probably wasn’t going to live for much more than a week as he couldn’t swallow food or fluids.

@gcn I'd speak to the hospice about whether or not your mum is likely to get discharged. I have heard of this happening (MIL was in a hospice then discharged to die at home) but not dealt with directly.

I think work wise it depends very much on your circumstances. I work for myself so took as little as possible time off but also it helps keep me sane! My DSis is public sector so has been able to take more sick leave.

It's the uncertainty of everything that is so hard. I feel so guilty when mum has a good day and it makes me worried that she might be discharged from hospice to a nursing home. Is that likely?? She had another PICC inserted yesterday, not sure why as we missed the consultant's visit.

I'm staying with my brother - he's sleeping on his sofa, refuses to let me sleep there. If this goes on for months it's going to be really difficult. What do I do about work??

@AgitatedGoose She's been a lot better, thankfully, and has been bossing us!

@HoraceGoesBonkers I hope your cat is continuing to be ok. You’re absolutely right about so much effort being made to prolong people’s lives when there’s no quality left. Humanity is much kinder when it comes to
pets.

@Gcn My heart goes out to you as it really is an emotionally draining time. My late Dad spent nine days in a hospice but I’m so glad I moved mountains to get him there as the care was exemplary. Look after yourself at this heartbreaking time.

Big hugs if wanted @Gcn

my dad was like that for a while. I know how hard it is.

Mum hs been in a hospice for a week now. Bed bound for past 3 days, syringe driver and catheter in as soon as she was admitted. She's getting more tired and is sometimes confused, not eating as much. The hospice is wonderful. I'm staying with my lovely brother, he's been on his sofa for the past week. DP and kids coming over at weekend, we'll be in an air b N b, so at least DB will get his bed back for a few nights. God this is hard.

My much loved and very old cat had a some sort of seizure last night. She seems fine now.

I'm weighing up whether to take her to the vets to try and get her assessed, which will be distressing and may or may not result in any help, or just to let her potter around in peace, which might mean she doesnt live as long but is less stressed. She's 5 years older than the average life expectancy for a cat and seems happy most of the time.

We wouldn't as a society keep a very elderly, incontinent, blind, immobile cat alive because that would be cruel, but it's OK to keep a human going past the point of all reason.

Hi all

really sorry but MN display has gone mad so can't read posts without faff

I just wanted to hop on say after seven years of constant drama, mum is now well enough to get rid of carers.

she isn't making a bad decision. She nearly dies and bounces back. I've loat count of how many times. She joked today that she must be immortal but she is depressed about it too. It's such an awful thing.

of course it's good that she doesn't need personal care but it just means years more of no life. It's awful.

l've already had one nervous breakdown over it. I shudder to think what the future holds. She weighs nothing. She can't do anything. I mean thank god for not needing personal care but it's such a waste of ...everything. Old age is such a tragedy.

@GoldenSpraint I hope your Mum’s funeral has given you comfort and that you find a special and meaningful place to scatter her ashes on a similarly sunny day.
I’m still at my Dad’s house dealing with all the admin, arranging his funeral and clearing his house. It’s a very sad time but the sun has shone every day since my Dad died.

@GoldenSpraint hoping that today goes well and that you feel peaceful afterwards. Take comfort in all you did for your lovely Mum and that you were with her. My DM's cremation isn't for another couple of weeks, lucky to get it even that soon evidently, feeling rather in limbo until that happens.
Love and hugs, feel free to DM me if you'd like, this next chapter of our lives without them will be strange

@GoldenSpraint sending more good wishes your way. It’s tough but also you will find moments of peace. Thinking of you.

Thinking of you today @GoldenSpraint

Best wishes for today @GoldenSpraint and I hope the funeral is as good as these things can be - I've been to three in quick succession and each had very good moments and left me feeling at peace.