So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die 4

@rickyrickygrimes I really hope the doctors are sensible and don’t suggest other life extending measures. There certainly seems to be a drive to keep people alive regardless of their quality of life. Although my mother died four years after being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s she might have been spared the last 12 months of complete indignity and distress if the NHS hadn’t persisted in feeding her up and giving her medication to stimulate her appetite.

My DH 95 is now in hospital. The care home thought he'd had a stroke but now maybe a UTI but given his delirium the hospital have decided to keep him in. It's all a bit confused. I will visit tomorrow. Not looking forward to it in terms of what I might find and whether he will know me. I feel upset that being in hospital in a very confused and dementing state must be very scarey for him. Oh dear. I'm wondering if the hospital will know about his POA and living will and DNR wishes.

Thank you both. DH and SIL have been asked to meet with the dr tomorrow: fingers crossed that we will get some resolution that’s in everyone’s best interest.

That sounds like a terrible situation @rickyrickygrimes - my heart goes out to you.

My DM is getting to the stage your MIL is at. It’s pitiful to watch and we would not put our beloved pets through this agony.

And yet here we are, going into another New Year.

@rickyrickygrimes

This sounds horrific, my heart goes out to you.

I'm so glad my mum's at home where I can make sure no one is "building her up". One of the HCAs is obsessed about increasing her liquids and would be giving her complan if she could.

It's terribly sad how some people want to keep their patients or loved ones alive at all costs.

Thinking of you xxx

Thank you for this thread. The first page perfectly summarised where we are: MIL , advanced Parkinson’s / dementia / osteoporosis and 4.5 yrs into nursing care, where she has been doubly incontinent, unable to speak or move, skin and bone. She’s had chest infections in that time, always treated with abs. This time, the home had said that she’s to weak to swallow the abs and they don’t recommend giving then intravenously in her condition, so they’ve been giving morphine and she’s on end-of-life. Yet they continue to encourage her to take complan and water. And it turns out that my SIL and even DH to an extent are actually hoping that they are able to ‘build her back up’ so that she can take the abs! I can understand that they don’t want to lose their mum but she’s already gone and they are supporting her being kept in this horrible limbo. At the same time, of course the home can’t starve her to death if she’s still able to swallow . It’s horribly confusing. After wrestling with it all I think I have to accept that she’s not my mum, and that I will support DH as best I can, whatever he wants.

I have seen dh both parents go into nursing homes with dementia and Alzheimer’s
It was the most horrible thing I’ve seen a human being slowly pass away which took months
They just lay there, didn’t speak, one of them ended up with off the scale bed sores
which. Sister at the hospital told me in all her years nursing she as never seen anything worse
They had gone down into the bone 😡

I have my POA form to fill in with any wishes I’d like if I was to become seriously ill
from seeing what I have with these people I am going to put
No DNR
If I am refusing food do not force it on me
I do not wish if any other decease is found
to go through any chemo, operation, radiation
if I have dementia/alzheimers/parkinsons/Mnd etc
I do not want to be given medication if I can not swallow

This is such a good thread, I will be taking notes from

, @CornishGem1975. You feel how you feel,there is no right or wrong way of doing it. Take care of yourself.

MIL still hanging on (the home reckoned “hours or days” at the weekend, but as always they underestimated how tough she is). BIL has gone over there today, we’ll go tomorrow. Not quite sure what to do if this goes on for weeks. It’s all extra complicated because DH and BIL had found a buyer for her house but not yet exchanged contracts, and if she dies their appointment as her attorneys comes to an end and they’ll have to apply for probate before they can sell it.

@CornishGem1975

Hugs to you @CornishGem1975 🤗

@CornishGem1975 I’m sorry for your loss. You’ve had good advice from previous posters. There’s no way you should be feeling, and hopefully you have people around you supporting you.

I’m really sorry to hear about your loss @CornishGem1975. I also think anything you feel or don’t feel is perfectly valid so don’t beat yourself up. I also think it’s difficult to feel or have space to admit or acknowledge your feelings if you’re the one sorting everything out. I hope you get support from your family. Sending hugs.

@SinisterBumFacedCat You have my heartfelt sympathy. My Dad, and siblings all died from HD. Any dementia is awful to watch, but HD is wickedly cruel. I had to keep careful when I visited because it took so much out of me.
I hope you have people around you for support, but I’m always open to a DM if you want to talk.
Take care of yourself… and that goes to all on this thread x

Sorry for your loss @CornishGem1975. As @PermanentTemporary says, there is no way you “should” feel right now. Every journey of grief is different and valid.

Be kind to yourself, listen to your body when it tells you to rest/eat/etc.

So sorry for your loss @CornishGem1975

It sounds like your dm had a peaceful end and it's okay to feel gratitude and relief for that, amongst the grief.

You feel how you feel @CornishGem. Feeling not very much, or relief, now is valid; suddenly being overwhelmed with sadness at the funeral is valid; going back to not feeling very much is also quite possible. Glad to hear you've got distractions today.

I honestly didn't feel much at all but relief when my DF died 5 years ago. Since then I've had some loving but sad moments and good memories which have really been a gift as our relationship was not the best.

Morning. Not been on this thread for a while as we had a rollercoaster year but my DM finally passed away in her sleep last night (dementia). Got a full on day with the kids today and not really sure how I should be feeling.

Sending solidarity and hugs to everyone on this thread and hope you’re all managing to get through Christmas. We’re with my elderly step Dad and it’s been draining. I just want to be anywhere but here. I feel I need a holiday but this has used the last of my annual leave until April. Absolutely no support from extended family and the final straw was when someone wrote in a Christmas card they hoped I’d have a fab and fun filled Christmas. This person knows about everything I’ve gone through this year and how stressed and overwhelmed I’ve felt. They also know that with my step dad on his own I’m in no position to do any of the stuff I love doing.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Sending hugs and patience to those that need it today.

You’ve worded this perfectly. I hope this sentiment brings others some comfort over Christmas

I'm thinking of everyone on this thread waiting for the end... xxxx

Yes, exactly. Poor Mum, if she saw herself she'd want the person she saw to be quickly gone. Thank you.

It is. She barely registers what time of year it is. She thinks it's March in the 1950s sometime.

Thank you xxxxx

Thank you so much. Many years ago she told me if she ever got like her grandmother or father to put a pillow over her face. She would never have wanted this.