So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die 4

Wishing you continued strength @GoldenSpraint and sending a hand hold across the ether.

That's a good idea! I want to remember her being surrounded by churches and asking me where the ground goes and her asserting very strongly that she is the personification of our address!

"I AM 21 Acacia Avenue!" 😆😂

Oh @GoldenSpraint i know this feeling well. My mum got names and people so confused at the end, and some of the names she conjured up would have had her howling with laughter if she was well. I wrote some of them down, they sound like Dickens characters, because I feel like when it’s not so raw they’ll bring a real smile to my face.

Thanks everyone for checking in with me, I really appreciate it.

Feel weird today, the days seem so long, and it feels like barely any time has passed.

There can only be a few days to go, Mum asks for me, checks I'm there, and sleeps. I moisten her mouth every now and again when she wakes.

It's all very peaceful most of the time.

I'm not sad, I feel proud really that I've taken care of her throughout her dementia, and that I've been able to advocate for her. I honestly don't think I could have done more for her whilst she's been receiving palliative care.

My mum brought me up on her own, and it's been my turn to look after her. I am SO SO glad that she's at home with me.

All I want now is for her to be peaceful, and happy that I'm with her.

I’m glad your Mum settled after the medication and hope it continues to work for her. Wishing you and your Mum a peaceful night.

Thanks everyone - I did some shopping today (fruit at last!) and am getting some sleep, enough to keep me going for now.

The biggest stress is thinking Mum's peaceful, then something new happening and the whole phoning the nurses, getting them out, doing new meds starts up again.

Some of the things Mum's been hallucinating about are mindboggling. We'd have laughed together about that in the past. 😥

Thinking of you @GoldenSpraint, like @AInightingale says I hope you are able to take a little time for your own self care too.

Thinking about you @GoldenSpraint and another long night ahead. How are you managing to eat or sleep or shower?

Today I was introduced to the horrors of terminal agitation.

Poor poor Mum.

However the just in case meds came to the rescue again, and she settled after a little Midazolam.

I like spending time with her and listening to her breathing and the in and out of the air mattress. It's all very restful, which is how I want it to be for her.

It reminds me of the times I spent with my dad in his home when he was dying. Just sitting listening to the gentle noises of his bed, and his occasional grunts.

Thank you so much @LarkRize 🙏❤

Thinking of you @GoldenSpraint - I am a lurker on here but remember the sense of suspended time when I did a similar vigil. Sending you all the very best for tonight and the days to come.

It's just me @AgitatedGoose but I'll get through it 😊 Always do!

Feeling a bit more peaceful about it now. 🙏❤️

@GoldenSpraint Sending a hug and handhold. I’ll be thinking of you at this incredibly sad time. I hope you have people to support you as I know how difficult it is if you’re going through this alone.

Thank you @AInightingale ❤️🙏

No it's just me. It'll pass, just another stage to acknowledge and accept. 😔

So sorry @GoldenSpraint. Have you someone else with you as it sounds as if you will be keeping vigil through the night. You must be completely exhausted which isn't helping emotionally either. It sounds so hard.

District nurses have been tonight. They thought she will live through the night, but that the breathing is her body getting ready.

I feel so crushed and twisted inside. I've been waiting for this since September, there's been a tension in my life, the not knowing when coupled with the knowing it's inevitable.

Only the other day I was wondering if she'd make another Christmas and hoping she wouldn't.

And now it's happening and it's so peaceful for her, but everything is suddenly gushing out, and I'm finally feeling all the emotions and can't bear that I'm going to lose my dear mum.

Thank you so much @ajandjjmum ❤️🙏

.We had the privilege of having Mum at home for her final six weeks, after she'd stopped eating and medication was withdrawn. Her breathing became like your Mum's @GoldenSpraint , and we had a few false alarms. She eventually chose her time, early one morning with my brother and I sat either side of her bed. She breathed and then she didn't. It was calm and everything we wished for her and for us. The stressed calls to out of hours nurses over the previous nights were forgotten very quickly.

I wish the same for you and your Mum.

Thanks so much @PermanentTemporary 🙏 💓

Thinking of you Golden Spraint and of your mum, I hope all remains peaceful.

Thanks so much @AgitatedGoose 🙏 💓

@GoldenSpraint Wishing you strength in the period ahead. The breathing that you’ve observed is known as Cheyne Stokes breathing and indicates a person is actively dying. I’m told people can still hear for a long time as this is the last sense to go. Thinking of you.

Sorry for continuing to ramble on here.

Mum's sleeping very peacefully, her breathing is a couple of deep breaths then nothing for about 30 seconds, then a couple more deep breaths, then nothing. Her hands are swollen, a lot of her is cool to touch.

Dr Google tells me all this is end of life. I'm totally at peace with that.

As long as she's comfortable and pain free, I'm happy.

❤️ 🙏

Thank you @Guineapiggiesmalls it's really helpful.

One of mum's carers last night said another client of hers didn't eat for four months before she died which I thought was horrific for the poor lady. When my dad stopped eating I think it was about 10 days.

District nurse has been and given her an injection. I've to ring them when my mum's in pain and they'll come and give another injection. Meanwhile I'm giving the usual 5ml which isn't touching the pain, so I'll be ringing them a lot I imagine!

I mentioned a driver but District Nurse said to try other ways first. I imagine it's quite invasive.

Mum says she wants to get better poor thing. Because she has advanced dementia she's no idea what's going on. She's suffering mentally and physically and I just want it to be over for her. ❤️

I'm very thankful she's here at home and no one can be stopping her from just gently resting like some of your experiences here. ❤️

@GoldenSpraint I’m not sure if it’s helpful or not to know that my mum last ate on the Sunday evening, and died just a day less than two weeks later. Writing it down is really sad, but I also feel like she took control herself and feel reassured that she was able to make the decision. I did have to be quite fiem
with the hospice, and quietly lose my temper when I found an opened nutrition drink thing in her room