I'm exhausted by my Dad

Yes my Dad loves to rant and rave when I see him. I'm also his sounding board and I hate it.

He doesn't insult me but fuck it's tedious. He's really not interested in anything I have to say and will give me a 2 minute window (max) to talk about what's going on in my life. But apparently it's ok for him to monologue at me for an hour.

I'm low contact as a result.

I had the same with a relative. I finally decided about a year ago to tell him exactly how his rants made me feel. There was a long silence (it was during a phone call), then the conversation resumed along ordinary and pleasant lines. He hasn't ranted at me since. The world didn't end (I thought by telling him how I felt, I would kick off World War 3. I didn't). I've thought a lot about this since, and concluded that bullies need to be told. He had been bullying me into listening to his stream of consciousness. And now life is much more normal.
I commend this approach! If your father is different from my relative, and WW3 ensues, just block him.

@TeeNoG FYI i don’t always follow the advice when emotionally I am overwhelmed but it helps

@TeeNoG hello - there’s so much excellent advice based on real life experiences on here. You will get the naysayers who expect if you don’t drop everything that’s means you don’t care - ignore them.

Have a read …the toolbox and glossary are really good…https://outofthefog.website

Do you think he'd do it to other people or are you the main audience?

Mine cultivates an image of being fun and witty etc and saves all the negativity especially for me.

Oh I am right there with you. It's only been two and a bit years for us but the amount of insulation that my late mum provided has become very evident. I spent the first 18 months on a minimum of three points of contact per day at least one of them being a phone call or video call. Over the last year I've managed to bring it down to text or FB Messenger and only speaking to him about once a week and during those calls I basically just say "uh huh ", "mmm hmm" and "is that so", on repeat for an hour.
What has allowed me to do this is therapy and coming to the realization that I am neither his mother nor his wife and also that I get to hold boundaries that I set regarding what I consider to be acceptable ways of speaking to me and about me.
It's so hard. Sending you all the solidarity I can.

She was diagnosed 4 years ago but it's pretty common in alzheimer's to forget you've been diagnosed and to forget all the issues you have so you think you are fine and everyone else is wrong.

Took me years to realise that I could just tell my mum to stop complaining and that I didn't need to hear it. She still tries, but I don't humour her any more.

At her worst, I get calls 8 times a day. I have no told her I'm not picking up the phone during working hours, but she still leaves messages and texts. I've had 5 calls and 2 texts so far today. I've taken 2 of them.

Difference is that it doesn't bother me any more.

OP, just tell your dad you call for a light chat, and you're not prepared to listen to his rants anymore. What's the worst thing that can happen?

@countrygirl99
You need to get her assessed for alzheimers.

Send him a card with your second from last paragraph written verbatim in it. ('I don't want to be insulted', etc).

Tell him also that you expect phone conversations from now on to be civil, cordial, and involve pleasant topics, and if he starts on his usual harangues and rants you will hang up on him and keep doing so until he remembers his manners.

Life is too short for that kind of depressing boorishness.

Could you cut down on the phone calls? Daily is a LOT! I speak to mine once a week and use the grey rock technique which helps a lot.

Not the same but the last few visits to my mum I've been called a liar. I took her to a hospital appointment to have a 7 day heart monitor fitted when I went to collect it to take back the appointment hadn't happened, she'd never seen a cardiologist or had a heart monitor and got really angry. This week it was the last 2 Christmas's since dad died. She said they were dreadful because she'd been all alone snd none had even visited. Except I'd done a 2 hour round trip to pick her up and she'd spent Christmas with us. The first year she stayed over but she couldn't cope with our stairs so the 2nd year it was 2 2 hour round trips on Christmas Day. That one was particularly difficult because it was only a couple of weeks after MILs funeral and she kept asking DH how his mum was. All could think was " yes it was dreadful but not for the reason you gave". When I pointed out she'd come to us I got told I was wrong.