@FeralNun I contacted Age Uk some time ago at a ‘wits end’ moment and they sent me a prompt response. I will post it as it might be useful to you…..
Thank you for your email about arranging suitable care for your mother and the issues you are experiencing with this. It sounds like a difficult situation for you and I hope you will find some of the information below of interest in addressing it.
It is important to note that providing care for anyone, even a parent, must be a choice. There is no obligation on you to provide support for your mother. Any support she needs can come from other sources.
It is also important to say that as long as your mother has the mental capacity to make her own decisions about what care she wishes to receive she can, in almost all circumstances, decide to reject care.
You can read more about mental capacity and how it is assessed in section 3 of Factsheet 22: Arranging for someone to make decisions on your behalf.
If your mother would be willing to look into support that may be appropriate for her a starting point may be to request a care needs assessment from her local authority Adult Social Care Team. This assessment would look at her care needs and how they can best be met moving forward.
You can read more about how to request a care needs assessment in section 3 of Factsheet 41: How to get care and support. Section 4 of this factsheet discusses what the assessment will look at.
If your mother would be willing to have this assessment to see if she would like to accept any of the support the Adult Social Care Team may propose she, or you, can contact her local authority and request an assessment. You can search for contact details for her local authority using the link below.
Find your local authority
If you feel that your mother’s refusal of support may be putting her wellbeing at risk you can report this as a safeguarding concern to her Adult Social Care Team. They could then make enquiries to see if they felt that your mother’s refusal of support could be seen as self-neglect.
Self-neglect is a difficult area due to a person’s fundamental human right to private life. If someone chooses to live in a particular way, however worrying or upsetting that is, there are limited circumstances when the law can intervene. This consideration must be balanced with the right to safeguarding, which is also based on human rights protections.
You can read more about self-neglect in section 2 of Factsheet 78: Safeguarding older people from abuse and neglect. If you would like to discuss whether your mother might be self-neglecting you can read about how to raise this with her local authority in section 4 of this factsheet.
If you feel that approaching her local authority would not be appropriate at this time for your mother you may wish to see if there is other local support available. A local Age UK can sometimes provide some support services or be able to direct people to local sources of support. If you would like to see if there is a local team in your mother’s area and investigate what support may be available, you can search for a local Age UK using the link below.
Find a local Age UK
It sounds from your email that your mother’s situation is having a significant impact on you. If you would like support for you in your role of trying to support your mother you may wish to contact the charity Carers UK for support.
Carers UK provide information and advice about caring alongside practical and emotional support for carers. You can contact them using the details below.