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Elderly parents
Original poster

Help with mum. Dementia and where to live ?

57 replies

lifetheuniverseandeverything42 · 12/11/2024 16:14

Hi, any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. My mum is late 70's and clearly has dementia. She is getting worse fairly quickly but lives in her own home quite happily and is physically fine (for her age). Whilst she is ok at the moment to drive and look after herself
I am just trying to think what would be best in the long term re housing in particular. I feel that in another year or two her current house wouldn't be so suitable. She has a 4bed 1 bath in a nice location but I think it will become a bit much and the bathroom would need work to make it more suitable as she gets older (walk in shower etc). I had wondered about building a 1 bed granny flat in our garden but she would need to fun it with her house sale. And I think that as she has dementia it may not work long term (her mum lived till over 100) so could be considered deprivation of assets and we wouldn't be able to afford to pay it back without selling. So probably a non-starter but it would keep her independent but not lonely. But if that isn't an option then what do you do? I'm just really struggling with it at the moment and would like to have an idea of options. Thanks

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 12/11/2024 17:44

@yeesh yes that's why I questioned it. OP didn't give enough info on what's been happening to jump to a dementia diagnosis- I'm a bit more forgetful at 62 , my hearing isn't 100% what it was and I frequently walk into a room and can't remember why I went in there- but pretty sure I've not got dementia- just too much going on in my head- my RAM is full!!

unsync · 12/11/2024 17:42

She needs to be properly assessed and diagnosed. If you are adding to or altering your property for her benefit, to enable her to live with you and be cared for, it is not deprivation of assets.

Make sure you have PoAs in place before she loses capacity.

yeesh · 12/11/2024 17:04

If you really think she has dementia why do you think it’s ok for her to drive!

Crikeyalmighty · 12/11/2024 17:02

@lifetheuniverseandeverything42 what makes you think she has dementia that's got worse quickly ? As if she has I really don't think she should be driving. Is it just forgetfullness, repeating herself etc as many old people do this and are quite capable of looking after themselves ok- I'm not doubting you, just questioning as I've heard people using dementia Asa catch all on some occasions simply because the person doesn't hear or forgets stuff -

Beamur · 12/11/2024 16:46

Keep her in her own home as long as possible. Get her used to gadgets like tablet dispensers before she needs them

AInightingale · 12/11/2024 16:42

Assisted living development? They get their own flat, costs about £1300 a month in rent. But most are not suitable as time goes on and the dementia develops and the person needs personal care, or may start to wander. Some may have that option, you might be best researching and contacting the ones in your area and asking some questions.

Muffinbutton · 12/11/2024 16:25

I think my mum is in the early stages of dementia so I've been having similar thoughts about what the future housing situation looks like.

Having spent a week away with her recently, one of the things that I realised is that she needs familiarity. She can get around and look after herself on autopilot where she lives at the moment. But when in a new environment and in a new routine her symptoms were more prominent and she was more stressed.

There's a balance between keeping her where she's comfortable and keeping her safe, but I don't know where that point is yet with my mum.

So I can't offer any suggestions, but I understand the situation and how difficult it is.

Having said that, the extra bedrooms would be beneficial if you decided to go down the route of a live in carer at some point in the future.