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Elderly parents
Original poster

DM, 70, is in a flat only accessible by climbing 40 steps, and doesn't have the money to move anywhere she deems acceptable

35 replies

ForCalmGreenCat · 09/11/2024 13:18

The long and the short of the situation is

  • DM is 70, and still in good health but can't / won't walk as far as she once did.
  • She lives in a small flat, in the top floor of a converted house, owned outright. There are 40 steps to climb to access her front door, and a stairlift isn't an option due to the shared access. Her neighbours are young professionals, and unlikely to be on board.
  • DM doesn't have much money, and never has. She was in low paid, often insecure work until she retired during lockdown.
  • DM likes the idea of moving, but will only consider purchasing a two bed house or bungalow, in a nice area of the same city. Unfortunately this city's house prices have gone crazy, and she simply doesn't have the money for what she considers the 'minimum'. If she moved to my city, she could have a nice bungalow that ticks all the boxes within budget, but she doesn't want to move cities.
  • DM is also a procrastinator extraordinaire, with hoarding tendencies. She has been talking about moving since around 2004. We are not particularly close, so there's a limit to how much I can push things, but I'm also an only child, so there's no one else. I have an LPA, but she has full mental capacity.

At the moment, the way I think this is going to pan out in the coming years is that she stays there until a crisis is reached - perhaps her falling down the steps and breaking something - and ends up in hospital too immobile to return home but too well for a care home. Alternatively she'll just become a hermit as the stairs become increasingly difficult.

Does anyone know how this sort of scenario pans out? Will the council refuse sheltered housing on the grounds that she's a homeowner? (NB she regards sheltered housing as a threat, not an positive option). Even if she could finally be persuaded to sell up and move somewhere on the ground floor, what happens during the months of conveyancing?

Everything I've read and heard over the years seems to assume a starting point of adaptations being possible, the older person being willing to move, or the person being so decrepit that they need to go into a nursing home anyway.

OP posts:
AInightingale · 09/11/2024 13:40

Housing providers will do an assessment based on the person's needs, but if she is still managing the steps okay it's unlikely to get her very far. Does she have any pain on climbing or issues with her sight, if so the GP could provide a supporting letter. But it sounds as if she's dead set against sheltered housing, probably viewing it as 'for old people'. Sounds like one of those scenarios where something WILL happen in the next few years and you'll be in a 'told you so' situation. It's rubbish for you OP. The hoarding is a way of besieging yourself in my experience - oh I'd never get all this stuff packed up, look what I have at this house - my mother was like that. You have my sympathy.

295bkq · 09/11/2024 13:37

You'll just need to leave her to her own stupidity and consequences.

pinkdelight · 09/11/2024 13:34

How bad is her mobility? My mum (82) has insisted for years that she's better off staying in her home with loads of stairs and says that people get less healthy by not going up and down stairs, which is a fair point, borne out by her so far. My dad had COPD but still managed the stairs for most of his life. They put a stairlift in eventually but he died two weeks later then my mum had it taken out. I can't tell from your post how much of an issue the stairs really are for your mum, but if she's managing with them, she may continue to do so for a good long while yet, until such a point as you can have more influence, or leave it up to the support services to deal with. If she won't listen to you, there's not much to be done, and she's still relatively young and it's fair enough to let her live where she chooses.

SweetSakura · 09/11/2024 13:28

A stair lift actually sounds like a sensible option and I can't see why it would be much of an issue to her neighbours

graceinspace999 · 09/11/2024 13:27

Don’t worry until she’s there. At the moment she’s in good health. If she loses her health she may decide to move town.

I have a 72 year old friend who walks 6 miles per day and dead lifts 45kg at her 3 times weekly CrossFit class.

RandomMess · 09/11/2024 13:27

TBF she doesn't want to move and doesn't want to listen so you will have to leave her to it. Although a ground floor flat conversion is on a par to what she has now.

RandomMess · 09/11/2024 13:26

If it's only a 2 storey house could she put in a lift from the entrance hall to her flat. It would be in her flat apart from when using it.

Wouldn't work in a 3 storey building obviously.

AgileGreenSeal · 09/11/2024 13:25

If she’s so very determined to stay until exactly what she wants becomes available (which it won’t) then it will probably take a crisis to change things. 😕

Newterm · 09/11/2024 13:22

You can go into rented sheltered housing if you have a home to sell. There may be a waiting list, but the turnover is quite high (for obvious reasons) so that’s a possibility. If your mum at 70, which is actually quite young, doesn’t want to move then it’s in her hands. I wouldn’t offer advice to her, or solutions at this stage.

Octavia64 · 09/11/2024 13:22

The council will refuse council housing on the grounds she is a homeowner.

There are sheltered schemes where you can buy (eg mccarthy and stone) but they have their own problems (largely huge fees which you have to pay even after the owner has died until the flat sells).

Usually what happens is the person stays there until there is a crisis and they are physically unable to leave/get into the flat at which point they have to sell it. This usually upsets them.

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