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Elderly parents
Original poster

Dad getting aggressive in care home

54 replies

Remmy123 · 04/11/2024 19:45

My dad is 77 he was an alcoholic and lost mobility so kept falling over .. spent months in and out of hospital, had carers that came but it wasn't enough he had terrible bed sores, feaces on carpet etc drinking all day

Hospital sent him to a council funded care home. He was in bed for months recovering (still none the wiser as to why he now can't walk) i thought he had dementia but he has put weight on and memory has improved so much so I don't think he has.

we got him an electric wheelchair and he thinks he can now do what he wants and go out alone.

he gets v rude and aggressive to the staff they have now banned him from leaving his room so he is now stuck in his room. He can't go to the lounge or restaurant downstairs.

he kd like this because he feels like he is being treated like a baby and has lost his freedom. It's not all the time as staff say he is really funny and lovely and so he volunteers.

i took him to the lounge yesterday and everyone had dementia and not with it at all and only my dad and one women had mental capacity.

my dad can't live alone and he can't live with me but he is calling me 6 times a day saying he is suicidal that he can't stay there. That they won't let him downstairs. Why can't he go out etc

I feel drained from this I am having a call with the manager as they can't leave him in his room

I'm worried this is it now fior tears and years until he dies stuck there with no freedom but he can't live alone!

not sure what I can do to make life more bearable and can only visit on de a week

thanks

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 04/11/2024 21:18

Right so he wants to go and drink. And smoke maybe?

This might be one of those impossible situations. I can see why staff don't want to care for him when he is drunk, and have perhaps decided to stop his ability to go looking for alcohol, along with refusing to put him in the wheelchair so he's not mobile. But there would have to be some kind of process covering this, they can't just imprison him.

I think you need to talk to the manager and to the social worker he presumably has? It sounds as if he desperately needs an addiction support worker. Do you think he would agree to that if his GP would refer him? And when did the GP last see him?

Original poster
Remmy123 · 04/11/2024 20:44

Thanks both for responding. I have never heard of depravation of liberty .. I will google it now.

he wants to go to the pub as it's right next door however I've told him he can't alone so he gets that now. He calls me saying he wants to go into his new wheelchair and they have refused this as he gets demanding asking to go down to the lounge etc so I asked them
to put him in his bedroom chair instead for now.

yesterday he was in his wheelchair but they knew I was coming so I took him downstairs a and it was fine

today he has called so many times and they said he isn't allowed downstairs only up and down the corridor until I speak to the manager because the other week he was rude to the staff! So he is basically banned!

I said you can't confine him to his room and a corridor!

the LA are funding his care it's unlikely he will be able to get a flat - I gave back his warden assisted flat as it was on the third floor and now I'm thinking I've made a huge mistake. However he is double incontinent / an alcoholic / disabled with no money!

OP posts:
savingmysanity · 04/11/2024 20:12

I would speak to his social worker about the fact they are denying him his liberty. You cannot just confine someone to their bedroom without processes in place. I would also question how they are doing that if he has an electric wheelchair, if they are refusing his request to be hoisted into his wheelchair they need to evidence why they have removed that choice.
If he has capacity there is nothing stopping him from choosing to live elsewhere but if the LA are funding his care he will struggle to get agreement to move.

PermanentTemporary · 04/11/2024 19:51

None of this sounds at all good. Is your dad under a Deprivation of Liberty? Where do you think he wants to go - is it to buy alcohol, go to the pub, go home or just to get out and about?