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Elderly parents

Can we cancel charity direct debits? If so, how?

66 replies

WhiteboardMarker · 04/11/2024 17:44

I’d really appreciate some help on this please

Dad has dementia, he’s got several DDs set up for charities but he needs carers, which obviously he’ll have to pay for and he just can’t afford the charity payments any more

If I ring his bank they won’t speak to me will they?

OP posts:
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senua · 15/11/2024 14:41

Well done.
Thanks for updating us.

PrincessAnne4Eva · 15/11/2024 14:32

Well done, great outcome! How awful that it was so hard to sort, though.

WhiteboardMarker · 15/11/2024 14:30

Finally got them done! Absolute nightmare!

Blueberry911 yes, please everyone let this be a lesson to get POA set up

Having a nightmare trying to get his care payments sorted now but that’s another story

OP posts:
Onthesideofthespiders · 05/11/2024 23:19

Get someone with a male voice to phone the charities and cancel them. Or just set up an email address for him and use his phone number and address to set up online banking. Sign in as him and cancel the direct debits. Is anyone in your family seriously going to investigate or reject at you doing that? Don’t do anything else with his finances until you get guardianship and don’t mention it and no one will ask.

Blueberry911 · 05/11/2024 23:13

Everyone is shaming the charities here but they have GDPR to follow and you don't have a POA. You need proper advise on this, legally and then to speak to the bank properly.

No use naming and shaming charities and messing around setting up online banking. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Let this be advice for everyone to get POA sorted early enough if you are lucky enough to be able to.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/11/2024 13:00

It is surely fraudulent to set up online banking for someone else without their informed consent, and to make transactions on their behalf. I get that the OP is well intentioned here, but there is huge potential for abuse with stuff like this. Why not follow the recognised legal routes for helping older people in this situation?

PrincessAnne4Eva · 05/11/2024 12:56

Gosh that's absolutely awful that they won't cancel some of them at the charity end. I think you should name and shame them. They clearly have no shame, but it would make me keep an eye out for PILs in case they sign up for anything similar and I'm sure others would feel the same.
When I suggested online banking, I was definitely not suggesting you do anything that might be dubious of legality! I just meant if he already had it, maybe you could sit together and get it sorted, but it's not set up so that's not going to work.
I think another poster's suggestion of going for deputyship might be the best way to go. It will take a bit of time but will help a lot with other financial situations as well as this one.

TheHangingGardensOfBasildon · 05/11/2024 12:41

Online banking is definitely the easiest way. As PPs say, can you get a cheap SIM or very basic phone, if it has to be registered to a different number?

When my FIL was very close to dying, my MIL was sent from pillar to post in trying to sort his financial affairs and make some urgent payments (they had separate accounts and no joint account, but largely joint finances in practice - and it was all coming to her anyway).

The bank couldn't help her in-branch, but they suggested she set him up with online banking. She didn't have a clue how to go about it personally, but we were able to help her - and it was all automated and very simple.

It's a difficult one as it's potentially open to abuse; but online banking can also be helpful when you're genuinely helping a vulnerable family member - in the same way that it's handy being able to lend your spouse/partner your bank card to pay in a shop with contactless or chip & pin, without having to be there to actually sign it yourself.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/11/2024 12:18

EierlegendeWollmilchsau · 05/11/2024 11:47

Please do it properly via the Office of the Public Guardian. Don't just set up random email addresses and phone numbers. You leave yourself open to all sorts of risks of fraud and elder abuse by trying to circumnavigate the correct process. Not everyone has their relatives interests at heart and the complexities of deputyship are there to protect the vulnerable. Doing it via dubious means is easily interpreted as being for nefarious purposes.

This.

MereDintofPandiculation · 05/11/2024 12:10

WhiteboardMarker · 05/11/2024 07:11

Thanks everyone, some good suggestions here. Definitely no online banking

Going to try the bank after 8 but I’m not holding my breath with them. I’ve got numbers for the charities (all 7!) and will go to them direct if I don’t get anywhere with the bank

Only 7? Grin

My dad gave to double that, but tiny amounts, and he had a principle of giving away a tenth of his income to charity. I was able to cancel everything using PoA. If you’re reading this, and you have any love for your parent, agreeing to become an attorney is a huge thing you can do for their welfare.

The charities seem to share mailing lists, so once you give to one, you are deluged by begging letters from the rest.

EierlegendeWollmilchsau · 05/11/2024 11:47

Please do it properly via the Office of the Public Guardian. Don't just set up random email addresses and phone numbers. You leave yourself open to all sorts of risks of fraud and elder abuse by trying to circumnavigate the correct process. Not everyone has their relatives interests at heart and the complexities of deputyship are there to protect the vulnerable. Doing it via dubious means is easily interpreted as being for nefarious purposes.

Shellingbynight · 05/11/2024 11:32

The potential problem with setting up an online account now is that the bank have a record of the OP telling them her dad is not capable of managing his DDs, never mind setting up an online account. So personally I would not risk it.

I am wondering how his finances are managed now - how is money accessed for shopping and bills, and how will the care agency be paid. If dad is no longer able to agree to an LPA, I agree with the posters who say the OP should look into a deputyship, although it will take months to be registered and will be a PITA to administer.

Holesintheground · 05/11/2024 11:26

@TwentyBillion makes a fair point. The charities should respect the account holder and could well say 'why haven't you had Power of Attorney put in place?'

The easiest way to deal with this now is to get online banking, as pp have said, and do it for him. It's easy enough to set up a new email address, so I'm not sure why you are persisting with the charities when you could do that. This type of thing will come up again. Online banking would help.

The other thing to look at would be getting your dad to add you onto his bank account as another signatory. You might need to take him physically to the bank yourself, but it would be worth the effort as then you'd be able to properly manage the account for him.

What's your plan for your dad now? You're going to need one.

bittertwisted · 05/11/2024 11:13

As above
Set up an email address and cheap sim, then easy to cancel online
The other option is close the account and open another but I'm not sure if he has capacity

As an aside banks have a duty to protect vulnerable customers, I would be taking this further

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 05/11/2024 11:12

DeliciousApples · 05/11/2024 09:29

When I've phoned for my elderly parent I say: "I'm here with my mum she wants help to sort out some direct debits please. Is it ok if I put her on she can give permission".

And then I put it on speaker. The woman says 'Mrs D A do you give permission to your daughter to discuss this with me'. I say to my parent 'say yes'. That gets said, and I get on with it.

Is he capable of doing that?

I have done exactly the same thing. Generally the people,you speak to are quite helpful when the account holder is obviously elderly.

TwentyBillion · 05/11/2024 11:11

I used to work for a charity and this is a very difficult one.

We used to get adult children phoning up to cancel DDs and we used to take their word on it and cancel.

Then we had a very irate gentleman ring up to ask why we'd cancelled his DD. All hell broke loose and it opened a whole can of worms about GDPR.

Unfortunately not all adult children are working in the best interests of their parents and cancel to save on their inheritance.

I left before they implemented a new process, but I know it's a really difficult situation. On a charity forum discussion there doesn't seem to be a "right" answer.

swiftieswoop · 05/11/2024 11:07

WhiteboardMarker · 05/11/2024 08:20

Got nowhere with the bank. They need to see him or speak to him. Told them he can’t get about and wouldn’t know what a direct debit is, made no difference

Wouldn’t get POA now

I don’t think online banking would work because my email and phone number are registered to my own online account and I surely can’t have 2 registered to the same ones with the same bank? Or can I? And is it legal for me to do it? Really don’t want to get myself into trouble

I will try the charities directly

Just create a free gmail account in his name and get a cheap SIM for a number you can use for him.

yukikata · 05/11/2024 11:00

Why can't you just set up an email account with your dad's name and then use that to register for online banking?

Realistically you're going to need it in the future anyway if he has dementia, you will likely eventually have POA. You might as well sort the online banking now so you can get onto it.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 05/11/2024 10:56

WhiteboardMarker · 05/11/2024 09:45

I really do appreciate your input folks

Mum is long since gone, Dad doesn’t have email, he’s got a very basic mobile which he no longer uses

Two charities have done it straight away, one has point blank refused, 3 are ‘ringing me back’. Yeah bet they will

This is so frustrating!

I feel like saying to them “So you’re telling me that you’re refusing to cancel a donation from a vulnerable pensioner who can’t speak for himself and can’t afford to pay any more, is that right?” But I don’t want to be an arse about it

Honestly I could cry 😢

This is where you're going wrong, OP.

You should want to be the biggest arse imaginable about this.

Try calling them back and saying that you're appalled that they would take advantage of a vulnerable pensioner with dementia in this way and that if those direct debits aren't cancelled immediately you will be naming and shaming them all over social media.

Spacecrispsnack · 05/11/2024 10:55

I would set up an email address for him and use it to set up online banking.

FusionChefGeoff · 05/11/2024 10:52

My Dad has had some success with online chats rather than in person but not sure about banks!

ilovedogsme · 05/11/2024 10:43

Contact the charity or email them.

Or create onine log in for dads bank and stop the DD

Shellingbynight · 05/11/2024 10:41

Can your dad still sign his name? If so do it the old fashioned way, type a letter to the charities who aren't playing ball, and get him to sign it.

If he can't sign his name, write a letter for him and send it to the charities, emphasising your father's vulnerability. You should get further up the food chain with a letter than someone on the phone working from a script.

Isobel201 · 05/11/2024 10:34

if you have his bank details and an email address, just get his online banking set up. Then you can cancel the direct debits from the bank account which will be easier. Being in the same bank will not be a problem.