Hospital facilities in final days (possible TW)

After 8 hours in a&e with only a couple of NHS custard creams to sustain us (I didn't want to leave very elderly DF as he needed advocating for and it was chaotic) I now have an a&e grab bag as well as a hospital bag for DF. The a&e one would be a good fit for this as it has in everything we needed but didn't have with us, including:

• long-life snacks like sealed packs of nuts, dried fruit, ritz crackers & kitkats
• small bottles of water and kids juice cartons
• an inflatable camping cushion as NHS plastic chairs are incredibly uncomfortable after a few hours
• loads of change for the vending machine and car park
• baby wipes
• a thin extra blanket, as NHS ones seem to be rationed

What happens should be part of her care plans. We have agreed with my mums nursing home that she will only be taken to hospital if it is something like a broken arm, needs stitches etc. Otherwise she will be cared for where she is until the end. Even if there isn't a nurse permanently on site it should still be possible to manage with the district nursing team. Certainly you should talk to the manager.

Rarely given anything to drink but on a few nights a recliner chair was brought in for whoever of us was doing the night vigil.

Pack snacks and lots of water, you get very thirsty.

@MissMoneyFairy sorry you covered what I was going to say.

If the patient is in a care home and death is near there is absolutely no need to move them to a hospital even if they have a stroke. Why would you move them to unfamiliar surroundings when family can’t be near.
We had responsibly for a relative and were asked by the home to fill in a DNR form and also end of life instructions. We said in these instructions that we did not want her taken to hospital.
If the patient is in hospital and they are not in a side ward surely the relatives have to consider other patients at night.

We do still open a window, in every hospital I’ve ever been in it’s one of the first things done ❤️

It might be better if she stayed at the carehome in familiar surroundings with people she knows. The carehome should have an end of life plan for all their residents, ask the manager or nurse in charge what is in place now like ot for resuscitation forms, level of care, when to go to hospital, medication, family conracts, funeral directors. Sometimes having plans in place does ease the pressure and the GP should discuss whether hospital would be appropriate. You would also be more comfortable at the carehome with her own room, bathroom, their communal lounges are empty in the evenings.

2014 with my grandad he was moved to a side room, we had open visiting as end of life and was regularly brought tea and coffee, and extra chairs when needed.
2022 with my Nan there wasn't a side room available. We had open visiting but because she was on a ward it was only 2 at a time. No tea and coffees, we treated like normal visitors. My mum had a call at 6.30am one morning to say she needed to get to hospital. She got there within 20 minutes and was told she had passed away in those 20 minutes. Sorry if this is upsetting but she was stone cold, she had obviously passed away in the middle of the night and hadn't been checked until the morning.

My mother died in a care home, my father in a hospital. The window was opened by a member of staff after both their deaths.

In our experience they fed us , just sandwiches and cakes with hot drinks but we used to pop to the restaurant and get hot food to bring back to dad’s room. We didn’t stay overnight so no need for blankets but a cousin who was in the nursing staff stayed one night and had been given blankets. I understand the risk of feeling you need to be there 24/7 but honestly you’ll need a break some nights I was back in a 5am to sit with him but the last couple of days he didn’t know we were there really. I was there when he passed , thankfully I’d just got back after a few hours at home leaving my brother and mum with him - it was as if he had waited but if he had passed when I wasn’t there I wouldn’t have felt guilty , I know I’d done more than was expected especially as my mum had been on holiday and I’d had to manage the whole situation until I could get her flown home

Depends very much on the hospital!

If she's in a home, they're unlikely to take her to hospital in that situation.

In the hospice they provided tea/coffee/water and biscuits, plus had a relative's room with a microwave in.

Hospital very varied and depends on the staff. Many have an M&S Simply Food near the entrance and/or a cafe. Usually there's a vending machine available 24/7 (although may be out of order!). So make sure you've got some small change as well as a bank card. Sometimes wards will offer tea/coffee in this situation if the tea round is going past. Sometimes a meal is assigned to the patient's bed and they'll let the visitor eat it instead.

It might be a good idea to pack some cereal bars, biscuits, bottled water and always have a bag of fruit around you can grab easily. Also a travel mug and hot chocolate, tea or coffee sachets?

You will be lucky to get a cup of tea, me and my mum spent 72hrs on a ward with my nan when she was dying. We slept in shifts on the plastic chairs, took it in turns going to the toilet or hospital shop ect. But I didn't have much of an appetite watching her die tbf so didn't really eat much.

But if she's in a care home they probably won't take her to hospital, they might have external hospice nurses come in.

Hopefully she'll die in the care home.
There is no need to move a dying patient to hospital at all. It's disruptive and she'll get far better care in the home.

The GP can sort out end of life medications. Have you talked to the Matron about this yet?

If she is already in a care home there should be no reason to take her to hospital for end of life.

Make sure as a family you have agreed with the care home and her GP that she has a DNACPR in place, documentation to say not to go to hospital and injectable medication prescribed should she need it when she is at the very end of her life.

This should be something the care home are used to dealing with regularly.

It sounds difficult, can she stay at the carehome instead of going to hospital. The staff and gp can make arrangements

DM was on an elderly ward over the summer, in a side room as on palliative care. DF was given meal vouchers for the hospital cafe (and parking vouchers), we were offered hot drinks. There was an M&S, coffee shop and cafe in the hospital as well. The hospice she was moved to had no shops but did have a kitchen with fridge and microwave and hot drink machine.

is a hospice an option? They care for the whole family.

Is she already in hospital @BibbityBobbityToo?

If she's at home, or in a care home, that's the best place to die.

Hospitals are busy, noisy places. They don't offer snacks, but you'll get cups of tea now and again.

I think it varies depending on where the hospital is.

No side room, chairs or food for visitors when my 98 year old grandmother died on a Care of the Elderly ward in the Midlands, it was very bad, both the nursing care and the whole environment.
There were 6 beds crammed close together in what should have been a 4 bedded bay. No space for visitors to sit down, all taken up with trolleys, lockers and equipment.
No privacy, everyone could hear what everyone else was saying. My grandmother was fully with it and knew she was dying but very deaf so we had to shout. The staff didn't even try to communicate with her and said she was confused!

Try to find out where your MIL is likely to go and have a look round the ward if you can so you'll be prepared and maybe able to arrange somewhere else.

For my Mum they put in a bed, gave us blankets, tooth brushes/tooth paste and loads of biscuits.

I would say wear comfy clothes, soft waist band. I had a book which was nice to read to my Mum when I was by myself in the middle of the night.

You may also want to read up on the last stage of dying. It was helpful for me to know what was going to happen.

I had one parent die in a hospice and the other in hospital. Also MIL in hospital.

If she can stay in a care home or get a hospice bed that's the best option. A hospice cares for the family as well, though not to the extent of feeding them.
Hospitals not the same. If you are lucky she may get a bed in a private room with a chair for one or two visitors. You are unlikely to get even a drink, that's really not the NHSs role. Make sure to take cash for vending machines as cafes shut overnight. You don't have to stay, the hospiatal will phone if they believe the end is near.