Where do we go from here?

If she's getting up and going to tea, I'd take that as a small win. It's movement and engagement with food.

I certainly plan to have afternoon naps - in bed or wherever I like! - when in my later years. If that's what your mum wants, why not? My dad had always enjoyed his food and one of the treats he liked in the last few years was a bacon sandwich (got a George Foreman grill in so carers could do it more easily) - I had some comments about healthy eating from certain quarters but I felt that as someone approaching ninety, it was a bit late to worry about that and I'd rather he ate food he enjoyed.

Sounds like you had a decent afternoon with your mum @GnomeDePlume and I hope you can have more. Make sure you take care of yourself and get enough rest too. It's all stressful even when it's going fairly well as you're often just bracing yourself for the next issue.

Does your brother see a nap in bed as 'giving in'? I have a friend who is inclined to say things like that.
My mum probably thought there was something quite decadent about it come to think of it. Ditto daytime television.

My immediate family ( DH and adult kids) love a nap!
Your poor mum. It's all happened so fast! No changing your brother now of course. You mum's being well looked after. Make sure you keep looking after you. How's relationship with your brother? Mine seem to need some support from me at the moment ( both are long term single) I'm very fond of them and this has thrown them both for a loop I think.
🌻 🌻

My MiL ( advanced dementia and in a care home) tries to get out of bed because she forgets that she can't walk. They lower her bed and have a crash mat on the floor. There are also alarm pads on the bed and floor so staff are alerted if she attempts to get up by herself.

This is the stuff they don't tell you about getting old, isn't it? I don't think any of us are prepared for this unless they've seen it before.
Continuing to send love and good wishes 🌻

When my mum kept falling out of bed they lowered it right down to the floor so she could only roll out, not fall. Is this an option?

@GnomeDePlume and so it continues. Your poor DM, she just can’t catch a break from it all and more stress for you and your DB. Hopefully the ABs will kick in quickly and she will feel better. It’s a tough situation there’s no doubt about that. Sending good wishes.

Good morning! Just catching up with the updates. @LambriniBobInIsleworthISeesYa 💐
It's just one thing after another isn't it @GnomeDePlume 🌻
My mum is doing quite well, thank you. She's beginning to put on a bit of weight, and she's better orientated thanks to the routine and becoming more familiar with the staff.

As always, sending my best wishes to all who are in this position, and their loved ones ( even the awkward ones!) 🥂

Sorry this is happening @GnomeDePlume - we've been through all this with my Nanna who went from living independently aged 90 to literally being in a wheelchair and unable to really move herself in any meaningful way within a few weeks. She had a bad fall down some stairs and a stroke before she was found, then another stroke in hospital. This alongside a preexisting heart condition meant that we were told she probably wouldn't live longer than 3-6months.

She was shunted around the system of the hospital and then to a nursing home. 2.5years on and she's got a myriad of health issues including the original heart issue and another, new one, lung problems, has had four strokes and hardly eats or drinks; she's like a bird now, 5ft tall and at last count only weights 5 stone... yet still somehow she continues to hold on. Her quality of life is so poor and it's really pretty bleak. She tells my dad and aunt often that she wants to die. Despite the strokes and now not being able to communicate verbally very well, she has a clear understanding and no signs of dementia... she's actually pretty on the ball, which makes the whole thing worse somehow. She has a DNR and- alongside conversations with her NOK- has been refusing treatment for everything (up to and including refusing antibiotics for pneumonia back in October) but has recovered from everything acute by herself. It's baffling that the human body can carry on despite everything that she's had thrown at her.

As you said at some point, it's dying in increments really, and horrible to watch. She was a bit of an old cow really and endlessly arguing with someone in the family, but even-so she was a force of nature and seeing her so diminished is terrible. Wishing you love and light and the hope that your mum isn't suffering. It's not easy, especially alongside a difficult relative in the form of your DB (we've got a couple of those too!) so be kind to yourself.

@GnomeDePlume sorry that things are still so unsettled. Has she been eating better since starting the ABs?

I’m really sorry. It all sounds very hard.

@CaveMum that's a lot to be worrying about 💐

@GnomeDePlume how is it going? Agree that the nursing homes are more restful. I do hope she's able to stay on the nursing unit as hopefully that would mean less likelihood of dashes to A&E.

So much for 'putting people in homes' that's so often bandied about. Like you, we've still been actively involved in our mum's care and decision making.

💐

is Mum able to have those vitamin drinks like Fortisip or something? So that she's at least getting vitamins? and maybe some strength again to be able to eat food again?

I'm glad she's out of the hospital environment; she may recover a little quicker at the care home.

Hope the assessment goes well for your mum today @GnomeDePlume.

We’ve got a bit of denial going on at this end - mums sister has booked a break for them both in April (on a flipping narrow boat of all things - don’t get me started on how that’s supposed to be a relaxing holiday for two 70 years olds, one of whom is starting chemotherapy tablets in the next few weeks!) and my brother and I have been asked if we can look after dad while she’s away. Fine in theory but my brother can only cover 3 days and I can’t commit at the moment as I have an important meeting that is due to take place that week and won’t get confirmation for another few weeks.

Mum’s response has been to say she’ll just ask the carers to pop in twice a day rather than once a day, totally ignoring the fact that dad pretty much can’t be on his own for more than a couple of hours at most. He has resolutely refused the suggestion of going into respite care too. I can see a falling out on the cards.

Poor little soul. She's had such a rough ride 😔 Hope you all get some rest this evening.
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