Where do we go from here?

It’s Attendance Allowance not Assistance Allowance (in case you’re googling)

@GnomeDePlume your DM may be entitled to Assistance Allowance, which is not means tested, to help with the cost of carers even if she self-funds some assistance. There are two levels depending on whether she needs overnight care, the forms are lengthy but straightforward

@GnomeDePlume I have found the rehab staff much more involved with the rest of us as a family. They are extremely busy but it's usually possible to speak to the nurse in charge of her bay, who has sat down with me a couple of times to run through her notes, including her physio notes.
Hospital was more to get her medically discharged, and the unit she's now in are focused on getting her to whatever mobility levels she's able to reach, and then help with decisions regarding where she'll go next (home or residential care - it's too early so say yet)
One occupational therapist seems to to have been assigned to mum which is brilliant as she's getting to know her, and she's phoned me twice to get info, give updates and generally answer my anxious questions. She explained how her role differs from doctors/nurses/ physios. She's had mum out in the garden in a wheelchair as mum was a keen gardener, and they have worked on fine motor skills with puzzles and hand exercises, and started her on some simple word searches.
I was like you, fretting about how muddled she appeared and wondering if there was any hope for a good quality of life, but I'm blown away by what they've achieved in three weeks.
There's a physio gym there, and a room right in the middle for group activities where the patients sit with support workers and do various therapies and social activities. I walked in on a music concert the other day.
This is in a local hospital rehab unit btw, all on the NHS. I really hope your mum's is as good. I'm finally beginning to exhale after feeling on standby for weeks, as it's clear they see the patients there as whole humans rather than medical conditions.
Wishing your family all the best 💐

My DM thrived in rehab place. After 14 hospital stay with pneumonia I wondered long term result but she’s now back as she was before it happened, like it never happened

That is fab news.

Next it would be good to talk to the occupational therapists about your worries re going home - it's never too early. It sounds like a ring doorbell that you or your DB could monitor would be good, plus scam protections on phones etc. A falls review at home plus equipment and a pendant alarm might all help.

What great news!

We found out similarly last minute, @GnomeDePlume
Wishing both our mums all the best!
I wonder if we could come up with a secret signal, just in case there is a new lady in mum's bay when I next visit...
( We're dahn saf, feel free to pm if you are as well!)

My mum had a worrying hospital stay where she lost her lucidity due to a UTI and was then moved to a care home for reablement, and eventually home. It was being at home that really helped but she wouldn't have been in a position to go home without the care home stay. She did then recover and lived independently for several more years so don't lose hope of this.

I would say the best thing to be done for your mum right now is a move to somewhere with better care. Keep asking about this, politely but persistently. Find out what the options are and make appointments to speak to doctors and ward managers.

Can you get them to bring some Ensure type meal replacement drinks for her? You may need to push her to drink them but it's worth it if it breaks the cycle of not wanting to eat or drink. Sadly you are in the parenting role now and will need to get her to do what's good for her as best you can.

Sadly, I think this is fairly normal with elderly patients 😔 My mother solemnly told the hca that she was finding the children riding their tricycles up and down the ward quite disturbing ( I was there - not a child in sight) Ive also wondered if she's remembering dreams.

The thing I have found quite disturbing is that mother can sound quite lucid some of the time and answer yes or no questions correctly and without difficulty, so she is considered to have mental capacity. She knows her date of birth and other long term memories ( her family's birthday's for example) but can't tell you what month/year it is.

This was much worse when she was still in the hospital. In rehab, the occupational therapists challenge her mentally a bit more, so her clever methods of covering up her confusion don't work the same way. Having established this, they are helping her sort of re -engage her brain through pictures and patterns ( she isn't diagnosed with dementia at this stage so there is still hope for improvement apparently)

We've also been told that some of her medications could be responsible for it. Painkillers like tramadol can certainly cause hallucinations. Are the team aware that she's not normally like this? After speaking to one of the nurses it seems that they are so used to it that it seems normal to them. They were surprised to hear that she was mobile and cooking her own meals before this hospital admission.

Is your mum drinking enough? We really have to push fluids with mine. I hope you get a rehab bed soon as they do seem to have a more proactive attitude toward recover there. Honestly though, I'm doubting whether my mother will ever be how she used to be.

Sympathy and solidarity to you 💐

Oh, and another idea - if she will need carers and is self-funding, it may be worth engaging a carer to visit and have a chat/cup of tea with her now, maybe a couple of short visits per week. Then they become a familiar face and it can make the transition easier - for my DM having the carer pop in (oh, I'll just make you a sandwich while I'm here...) rather than the first time they see them is for the official care visits really helped.

Just popping in to this thread to wish you all the best (and your DB) - often it takes this kind of incident to realise how fragile the "ecosystem" is around independence for elderly relatives, and once that ecosystem is interrupted eg by a fall or illness, how it seems almost impossible to regain.

On the eating front, now is the time to lose any concept of healthy eating, at least in the short term. I found an open box of chocolates, fancy biscuits, even small petit four sized cakes all encouraged my DM to eat (and eating triggers an insulin response which can lead to increased hunger). And sharing food with visitors can help too, the social cues are important.

Literally just been through this with my mother. Slightly different as she has advanced dementia. Mum was very active, she walked miles around the care home with a wheely walker thing, every day. A bad fall, broken hip then a month on a ward. She had to be fed and encouraged to drink. There was some physio but not much. Then a month is a 'discharge unit' where people were safe warm and fed but bog all else.
So now she can't walk, or do anything much.
Fortunately a transfer to a nursing home has transformed her life. She is up and dressed and eating by herself and is obviously in a better place.

Sounds like my DGM, she was supposed to go to a place for therapy but they just sent her home instead. The OT comes to her house for the therapy. She's a lot older too but has always lived independently so struggling with being stuck in bed. She's doing well with the therapy but hating being stuck in bed but she's so tiny and frail not sure if she will improve any.

Ps my mother was in a kind of holding ward too, and they did their best while waiting for the rehab bed to be available. I think she did 6 wards in total,in 4 weeks. The OT has chatted with both of us about how that is enough to discombobulate anyone, and they are working on re-orienting her.

Also I second @Bonbon21 to suggest eating with mum might be helpful. I took in two favourite mugs recently so we could have tea together like we used to at home ( the housekeeper provided the tea as the trollley is available all the time at this place)

@GnomeDePlume I could have written your post a few weeks back. Mine has made it to the rehab unit. They say they keep them for 2-6 weeks,sometimes longer, and the physio and occupational therapists are really very involved. It's much nicer than hospital.
We're not sure if my mother will be able to come home. I mean she could, but she'll need a lot of extra care. 4 visits a day are provided for six weeks, for free, but they don't cover overnights. This is from a local community rehabilitation service. After that she'll need to self fund carers, and it'll also depend on how much care we can offer as a family.

I really feel for you. It's tough ( easier as mine can fund care or we'd probably have a funding battle) and our mothers sound very similar. The OTs have been very useful in helping us with things mum needs to help her poor muddled brain settle a bit. Photos and pictures talk about, which give the staff an 'in' for conversation starters.

The hospital food wasn't to my mother's liking ( she's always eaten very fresh food) and she's appreciated fruit and her preferred yogurts etc when I visit.

Best wishes to you both 💐

Can the visitor take in something to share, so they and your Mum are eating at the same time....? Then they can chat about how good it tastes, maybe a bit salty... etc... If she is expected to eat while visitors sit and look at her , she might find it a bit embarrassing.
Hospital food is rarely appetising!

Keep pushing for updates.... have to fight for everything/anything these days!

My mother broke her hip when she was 84. She already had dementia and was in a care home. She was in hospital 10 days and would not cooperate with the physios, they told me she was immobile and incontinent, and refused to eat and drink. None of those things was true, she just needed prompting and the right type of help.

The care home manager ensured she returned to the care home asap - which was 10 days. Within a fortnight she was mobile and eating, after a month she was back to her old self and you wouldn't have known she'd had a fall.

The environment is really important and hospital is absolutely the worst place for elderly people to recover. Does your mother have the funds to pay privately paid for rehab? She shouldn't have to, but it may be the best option. The longer she lingers in hospital with no one doing anything, the more she will decline.