Where do we go from here?

When my mum was still verbal she informed me she was going home to Scotland. She left Glasgow in 1946.

And she does regularly tell other visitors that she hasn’t seen me for months 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve just reread my messages and it sounds like I’m there all the time. Actually I only visit once a week I’m afraid.

I don't really understand the rule about care workers moving residents between floors. To me that is their purpose. In fact I always get a carer to do the moving when I am visiting they are trained for that. When in the lounge is there not at least a carer(s) wandering in and checking most of the time.
However, I have ended up calling a carer for another resident when I have been a bit worried about them. I’m probably not very popular!!

Also have problems with the any sort of conversation now. But I think she is just happy to have us there i have also resorted to reading her paper and discussing what’s in it etc.
Is there entertainment in the home? If I can bear it going when they have music or a singer etc passes the time and she loves it

i don’t know if the nursing home lets you do this but we find if we take some lunch in for us and sit chatting and giving mum a hand then she eats better. Also we bring her treats she enjoys such as chocolate and crisps! Anything is better than nothing. We leave the chocolate broken into pieces in a cup/bowl on side table in her room where if she is in her chair she can reach it

Isn't your mum on a weight management programme @GnomeDePlume ? We had this - it involves weighing the resident and giving them a liquid nutrition supplement. My mother had lost 6 kilos in 6 months purely for the same reasons you describe - classic 'anorexia of age' or just complete loss of appetite and interest in food - they started to give her the supplements and there has been a little gain back.

My mum is very hard to converse with now. I read to her a lot. Your brother might find that easier.

Morning @GnomeDePlume how are you and mum doing? Have you got any further with the mental capacity situation?
My mother is much the same. She's great if people manage conversations but it's clear that her short term memory is seriously affected now. I'm wondering if she's still having TIAs. My brothers find her difficult to converse with her, preferring to just keep her company, watching tv or reading her paper. They visit less often now. Still a couple of times a week though. They aren't bad lads. Mum has a couple of favourite ( male) carers who are gently flirtatious with her and make her laugh. They aren't inappropriate at all, and it makes her happy. She's still talking about getting better and going home which really hurts my heart. She knows she wouldn't manage at the moment but is still convinced that she'll improve.

Sorry, i was tired and a bit fraught last night. Yes, I agree that options are presented neutrally @GnomeDePlume It's an excellent way of describing it. I hope the system evolves to something @PermanentTemporary describes. I used to work in care and being able to gently cajole using such means was once considered a skill. More recently we were trained to be really cautious. I mean it's good, there were also carers who did just insist on washes and changes of clothes and i reported one for showering a lady who was screaming. That was the year the mental capacity act came in. It really needs to be handled with care though.

My mum respond well to my ' I'm gasping for a cuppa, shall I put the kettle on?' I like it being termed cultural competence.

Best wishes all round!

Or better yet, 'I've made a pot of tea, can I bring you a cup?/Im having a tea, will you join me?' The implication being that the tea will go to waste if she doesn't have any, or that she's being mildly rude to refuse. That to me is cultural competence, because that kind of very gentle emotional blackmail is how offers from host to guest work in actually a lot of cultures, but certainly if we're talking older Brits that's how it is.

The capacity thing, despite all the good reasons for it, can end up really endangering people, I think. It's very frustrating when were trying to keep our loved ones safe, isn't it? When someone is clearly confused and muddled.
@GnomeDePlume very occasionally, if it's hot, I have been able to persuade mum to have a glass of cold lemonade with orange juice. She's not touched squash for years. She's so bloody minded independent and won't be told what to do. Fortunately she eats reasonably well now so does get fluid via soup, gravy, a bit of salad, ice cream etc. Won't eat jelly. I get it to a degree - she fears wetting herself - but she got very cross with me when i said if she gets a uti due to being dehydrated that isn't going to help her continence. I am much nicer to her than I sound when relaying it, really I am. I know her brain injury means she can't quite understand certain things, but the frustration is making me want to scream, as we're all just trying to keep her well and safe.
Peace and love 🍷

I nearly fell out with mine over fluid intake today. Despite the staff allegedly monitoring, she's clearly drinking very little. And then she makes poor choices. There was an old looking glass of water on her table today alongside half a cup of cold tea. We had a cup of tea together, but i was encouraging it all the way, much to her annoyance. I cleaned and refreshed her water and gently reminded her it's important to drink it. She said it's a waste of time as it just goes straight through her. I did point out that her body needs to absorb fluid to function, and it'll 'flush her pipes' and keep her brain sharp, but she was having none of it.
I feel your pain with all the complications @GnomeDePlume 🌻

Is there not a crash mat with an alarm next to her bed? That would seem to be a given for someone who needs her level of care. I wouldn't be happy about that.

What beautiful ideas! My mother is still able to look at her diary, so we've taken to writing in that. Did you fill in an 'about me' book when she arrived? We did ( although it's disappeared) and it's good for starting conversations with staff. I definitely think it's wise to connect with staff over these things. I've found they do things if asked, but otherwise simply deal with care needs. It's taken us this long to work out who is responsible for what as that's one thing nobody really explained at the beginning. It's got easier as we've got to know the team, definitely. I've recently got mum put on fluid watch, as she gets much more woolly when dehydrated. The carers use an app to log what she's drinking. She always has water beside her but doesn't drink it without a prompt - and then often argues because then she'll need a wee, which bothers her in case she doesn't make it in time, or like your mum @GnomeDePlume, doesn't want to bother the carers. She's in pads, but old habits die hard!
Continuing with the solidarity for you and all on these boards 🌻

We used a white board with my DF ( with yesterday, today and tomorrow visitors written on it. )

We also bought a little Polaroid camera and took pictures of him with visitors and wrote the day on it so he could see who had visited. Helped for a while