Where do we go from here?

@GnomeDePlume that is shocking, the UTI is probably what is causing all of the problems. I just don’t get the need to discharge a patient when they clearly are not medically fit. It’s stress upon stress for you and your family and of course your DM. I hope she’s ok over the weekend. For you the anguish continues and I understand how tiring that is.

Hope your mum settles ok @GnomeDePlume

Dad’s hospital appointment this afternoon was a waste of time. As he’d had a catheter fitted by the District Nurse last night they decided they didn’t need to see him after all, but of course they waited till he was at the hospital to say that.

Mum said he is struggling with his mobility again - needed a wheelchair to get back to the car at the hospital - but hopefully this is just to him being tired after a long day yesterday and a disrupted night’s sleep. My brother saw him last weekend and said he was doing much better with his mobility so fingers crossed this is a short relapse.

@GnomeDePlume ours is a teaching hospital also in special measures. I hope rehab provides the stability your DM needs and that she improves away from the hospital environment.

That's interesting about the food and the delirium. Mam had a bad bout of delirium her first week in, but she was also not eating much of the food because it was horrendous. She is thankfully eating at home (hopefully it continues). She does say however she has no memory of the entire first week in hospital.

Huge sympathy for your situation. My MIL 90 had a fall about a month ago and it sounded dire. DH works in a hospital and has all sorts of depressing stats about the length of hospital stay vs likelihood of recovery. Amazingly she was ok other than bruising and was discharged home. There followed a few weeks of her being babysat by her children (really difficult as all work full time and she’s about 2 hours from all). She has just gone into a care home - not v happy about it, but there really aren’t any alternatives. She’s very frail but still eating.

sending ((())) to all those with elderly parents.

Continuing solidarity for all on this thread 💐 My mum also went through nine wards @GnomeDePlume We're just sorting out a nursing home for her and it turns out that even when self funding this is easier said than done! Or possibly it's because she's self funding as we're not getting much in the way of guidance. But she does at least have choices. I've now got hold of a summary of her medical records and can see how complex her needs are. Thankfully she is currently eating reasonably well and is coping without the catheter.

It's all a big learning curve, for sure. Siblings can be both a help and a hindrance I'm finding.

@GnomeDePlume , the same happened to Dm. She had three different sized catheters one after the other. Even the largest couldn’t drain enough urine and that’s where the problems became worse and the infection started and caused kidney problems. We were not told this until a week before she passed away. Ask the hospital how much of a problem it’s causing for your Dm.

@CaveMum its just a constant onslaught isn’t it.

@CaveMum add that to the cliche bingo card!

In news that will surprise no one, mum had to call out the district nurse in the middle of the night as dad was unable to urinate. He’s now got a new catheter fitted. In typical martyr fashion when I asked mum how she was her reply was “we’re dealing with things as best we can”.

We’ll see what the hospital say when he goes back this afternoon.

@CaveMum , sorry it didn’t work out today with the catheter. My DMs sepsis started as urine retention, that then caused problems with the kidneys. I don’t want to worry you but the reality of not passing enough urine can be very serious as I’m sure you know. Fingers crossed tomorrow brings progress. Best wishes.

@CaveMum it's so familiar. My mother won't eat but cannot see beyond the end of her nose as to why it's not a good idea. My great aunt didn't want mobility aids in her house (and died of a fall at home). I guess the part of your brain that sees reason just ... goes?

@Holesintheground she's got a bit of a gag reflex and said the drinks made her feel sick.

When I was going through all of this 10 years ago with my elderly great aunt she said 'they've given me all these drinks but I don't need them, I don't want to put on weight, you have them' I was a healthy and well built 25 year old and she was 88...

Have they tried either of your mothers on the meal substitute drinks like Ensure, @GnomeDePlume @Borgonzola ?

Dad had an appointment today to see whether he was able to have his catheter removed. They were at the hospital from 9.30 till 4pm. Dad hasn't passed enough urine for them to be satisfied that he can manage without the catheter despite his bladder being pretty full. However he has refused to have the catheter put back in so they are discharging him to come back tomorrow.

I get that he doesn't like the catheter but if the choice is between catheter or ending up hospitalized with another urine infection? My mum is being typically passive about it all and just saying "It's not what your father wants."

Have they ever come up with a concrete reason for not eating? I just cannot work it out. My mother's doctors seem to think her delirium is exacerbated by malnutrition and dehydration but still not moving forward with proper feeding and it seems to be a vicious circle.

And after saying that 'escaping' isn't an issue, she is actually trying to do that (despite 0 mobility) and so they're having to fit her with an alarm so they can catch her doing it. Aghhhh. I still just cannot fathom that this is simply hospital delirium

@GnomeDePlume was she any more lucid in the rehab setting? It seemed more positive for us, though still with confusion.

I've realised the potential horror that is Christmas is coming up. We normally spend it with ILs as family Christmases have been horrendous in the past (joyless, tense affairs) and ultimately caused the estrangement between my brother and mother. This year I wanted to do minimal travel as I'll be 8m pregnant but I can't stand to think of my dad alone, visiting my mum then going home alone (he has a brother who is next to useless). My brother won't be going near them and I thought the best case scenario would be mum back in rehab but now with this 'delirium bed' god knows. I don't know how Christmas even works in hospital!

@GnomeDePlume the anger sounds terrible, I'm so sorry. Mum mum has started getting quite cross with my dad over small things but... this is nothing out of the ordinary! She also apparently told a woman in another bed who kept moaning at the nurses to be quiet which again is not out of character but quite forward...

@BlueLegume the issue is that docs appear to be convinced that delirium is temporary, as is my dad, and my dad is actually consenting to everything so far (though tube feeding may not go well), despite not thinking she's in hospital. So having Googled best interests, I'm not sure what the outcome would even be - everyone agrees they want her to get 'back to normal' but it's the endless lingering.

@GnomeDePlume my mum wouldn't try to get out of bed even if she could mobility is too limited and she's not a wanderer, she's just not with it. My dad told me that she called 999 in the first week of hospital - had t told me that at the time - as she was convinced she was in the middle of some huge police sting.

They're right or course, it could well just be hospital delirium mixed with the affects of not eating for months. But she's not reading, writing or listening to the radio anymore - her three main activities usually. She doesn't really do anything. She just seems to be lingering there being taken care of by nurses, there doesn't seem to be any action!!!