Where do we go from here?

Morning @GnomeDePlume Family dynamics really show up in these circumstances don't they?
My mother still tells me how marvellous my brothers are when they do the smallest thing, yet as the daughter there is a lot of being taken for granted. I am handling it by issuing the men with jobs to do and making them feel important 🙄 It's important to me to know she's being taken care of, but I've become clear within myself about what responsibilities I'm willing to carry, and what I'm not.
I know exactly what you mean with the use of the capitals! Solidarity, fellow little sister 💐
So sorry things are not improving for your mum, and very much hoping the meeting tomorrow is useful!

How are things today @GnomeDePlume? Mum's settling in to her 'new normal' but it's very clear how her cognitive processing skills have declined. She went through a stage of seeing things that weren't there but that has thankfully stopped now. She seems quite content, for which I am grateful!

@Anjo2011 💐

@GnomeDePlume sending good wishes to you all, I hope you now begin to see some progress.
We say a final farewell to my DM this week, six weeks after being admitted to hospital it will be her funeral. Still can’t quite believe it.
I echo others in sending good thoughts to all of you in these tricky situations. Take a moment for yourselves, you are doing your best for your loved ones.

Love to you and yours @GnomeDePlume Mine's settling in to her residential home now. She still believes she'll get better and go home, but thankfully she understands why she can't at the moment. She really needs quite a lot of care and it's highly unlikely that she'll improve by much.
The rehabilitation unit believed that she'd reached a plateau so they didn't apply for an extension.
Mum was fed through a tube for a while because she had swallowing difficulties so they had no option, but I'm sure that it made a big difference. Three months and several wards here, and when she left the last one she assured them she'd be popping back to visit 😔 There's still so much she doesn't really understand but she can cope with simple conversations. Nothing like the feisty and fiercely independent woman she was before.
Heartbreaking seeing the decline, isn't it? We've been very fortunate compared to some of you but it's still a rollercoaster. I think we're probably all very tired and I send my best wishes to all 💐

@GnomeDePlume, I’m glad she’s responding to the antibiotics and a trip to A&E is off the cards, at least for now. Have you had the results from the case conference today yet, or will you find that out tomorrow?

My mums ward is still on lockdown so I haven’t seen her, but according to the nurse she’s doing ok, I’m hoping they’ll lift the visiting restrictions soon.

Hugs to all going through this xx

Hugs to all.

Mam has had 2 mild versions of her 'funny turns' the last two days which isn't great. She hadn't had one in a couple months. The thing is they have no idea what they are, what causes them, how to treat them etc, which makes life so much harder. And makes me terrified to not be here as if I wasn't and she had one when upright shed collapse.

@GnomeDePlume, that’s shocking treatment from the hospital, they should never have discharged her knowing she wasn’t medically fit!

I had a call from mums hospital this morning, they’ve locked down her ward due to a norovirus outbreak, so I can’t visit until Tuesday at the earliest. I’m just hoping she doesn’t get it, it’s the last thing she needs on top of everything else she has going on!

@GnomeDePlume that doesn’t sound good, and I agree it sounds like with her medical needs she shouldn’t have been discharged from hospital. Have they mentioned anything about kidney function at all, Mums AKI developed from a UTI and was picked up on a blood test, it was similar with high potassium levels and confusion/ delirium. I hope the antibiotics start working for her, it’s so hard to watch someone you love so ill xx

@GnomeDePlume theres just no end is there, I feel for all of you. It seems she should never have been discharged from hospital, she has too many medical needs. Waiting for the phone to ring is just awful, I felt the same for the last week of my DMs life. Her Dr said you know when I call it’s not good. Again so many similarities, IV AB’s, catheter and never ending confusion. Thinking of you.

Thanks everyone, actually had quite a good visit with her today, she seemed a bit more comfortable than she has been. We don’t know if the paralysis is permanent, but they can’t do any rehab while she’s so ill, so it’s just a waiting game at the moment.

Sorry @Randommother, my mum also fractured her pelvis but had none of the other horrendous complications you mention. Do they think the paralysis will be permanent? The thought of living with the inevitable impact on mobility with a pelvic fracture - my dm went from full mobility to needing a walking frame at all times and it has also caused incontinence - is bad enough, but what you describe is so much worse. A life lying on a bed in a nursing home is no life and I'm not surprised she's had enough.
PS if she is on codeine for the pain, it will likely be making the constipation worse.

@Randommother sorry to read about your DM, so many complications to deal with. My DM had a very similar story , they even considered dialysis for the kidney injury but there were so many other complications that it wasn’t to be. Sending good wishes to you, it is the most difficult time.

Sorry to hear about everything your poor mum is going through. I’m in a similar situation with mine. She had a fall 3 weeks ago, where she hit her head and fractured her wrist and pelvis, which lead to an internal abdominal bleed and a significant brain bleed, which currently is causing full left-side paralysis. She’s badly deteriorated in hospital with a pneumonia first, then a UTI which has lead to a stage 3 kidney injury and sepsis - all of that’s been treated with antibiotics which she is responding to, although we don’t know what the long-term damage will be.

However, she’s completely lost the will to live. She’s been through so much in the past 3 weeks, she just wants it to be over now. The food is crap, tasteless mush that she has no interest in eating, she hates using the bed pan as it’s so uncomfortable to get her on it with her fractured pelvis, and there’s no privacy in the ward, other than the blue curtain, so she’s constipated despite the daily dose of laxatives. She’s telling anyone who’ll listen that she wants it to be over, and I don’t blame her - she in constant pain and can’t even adjust her position to make herself more comfortable.

No advice I’m afraid, just a hand hold and some solidarity from someone going through similar xx

We framed it to our mum as a convalescent move too @GnomeDePlume It did seem to help!

The nursing home liason people are helpful, but but they obviously want the custom, assuming they have vacancies. Self funders amd their families can't rely on social services to help navigate the system. The rehab unit have been much more helpful than the hospital but even so, it's been a case of assessing her home to see what could be improved to make it safe, and we were left to decide whether to bring in live in carers, live in ourselves but get carers to assist with personal care ( too much for one person) or find a nursing home.
It might be worth you casting around so you have an idea of what's out there. Assuming your mum's ailments don't get the better of her, they will want you to find her somewhere to live once they feel they can do no more for her. I wish you all the best in navigating this!
Care is eye wateringly expensive but there is quite a variation.