Panicking about Elderly Parents. Really need some advice to calm me down

I strongly recommend you ask MNHQ for this to be moved to Elderly Parents (report your own post or start a new Post there) where there will be people with experience who can give advice.

I think you (and your mother) need to be refusing his discharge as being unsafe and insisting he be assessed and discharged into an appropriate care home, but others can advise exactly how you do that.

Is your mum able to look after your dad by herself? If not, then you must notify the discharge team that this is the case and as such he cannot return home. He can go into respite for further assessment. Do not tell them you're able to drop everything to support your parents! Tell them it will be an unsafe discharge.

Is there any way of stretching to a live-in carer? (I know this may be a pipe dream; MiL went through her savings at terrifying speed when it was needed, but she stayed at home as was her wish.) Or could you find a local 'befriender' to be around for some of the gaps between care visits?

It's horrible. My mum (almost immobile, and with dementia) was discharged with the same package to live with my very frail dad, who of course wasn't going to just ignore her yells if she tried to get up and fell. We constantly expected to find that he'd injured himself in trying to hold her up. She did have to move to a care home and it took a few to get the right 'fit'.

Please, though, don't make infection worries your main concern. It's just not the main priority over getting the general care sorted.

Better off at home than hospital, take that as a positive.

What fear has to do here, two very elderly people who are hanging on a thread anyway. How having carers brings fear to you. Sorry, but you are right that your thinking is not correct anymore. You don't want doom prophecies???? - what do you think the reality in the coming months and years will hold also?

My mum was immuno compromised
and never got Covid despite carers, hospital admissions, appointments etc. best wishes for your dads return home.

Why do you think you passed on covid, covid and Niro are in hospitals, care homes and the community. Have they carried out a home assessment for dad, us the house all set up ready for him, who are they hoping will look after him in between carers visits and overnight or if mum is unwell.

If they can't look after themselves and you are not happy with that responsibility (which is completely fair enough!), then unfortunately the only other option is a care home.

My DM had dementia, which became too much for my father (even in his 60s with none of his own health problems); my sister and I both had very young children and also worked so we couldn't help in any practical sense, so a care home was necessary.

It was a dementia-specific home and my DM settled in okay. It was a very friendly and homely place.

You can then go back to enjoying the time you have left with your DP as a daughter, rather than spending it constantly fretting about them.

Oh dear. That's tough OP. These elderly folk do scare us. The reality is carers do go from patient to patient and stuff happens. They will clean up though if norovirus does happen.

Perhaps no immediately but is it worth looking at warden controlled areas. Still a move but their own place with some back up? Don't be afraid if your mum does end up in hospital to say dad needs respite care. They will fight it especially if they think you will fill in the gap bit it will take some pressure off.

What a nightmare!

Are you and your parents happy for Dad to go home? Are the discharge team aware that there will be times when he will be alone. Having had a Mum with COPD, heart failure, kidney problems and MS I know that over winter it is likely your Mum will need multiple hospital admissions for chest infections and UTIs.

I’m wondering if they should be moving into a care home. My Mum is no longer with us but I remember and I imagine you have icy chills of fear every time the phone rings. At least in a care home they would be safe.

Can they go into a care home for some respite care and are they both up to date with their covid jabs? It may just ease things a little for all of you.