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Elderly parents
Original poster

Report Mum to DVLA, now what happens?

29 replies

NellyTheCake · 03/09/2024 10:05

I've had concerns about mum's driving for a few months after seeing some scraps appearing on her car. She said someone crashed into her when she was parked.
I asked her GP to assess her, which they did about a month ago and said she was ok to drive for now but told her she needed to stop if she didn't feel safe.

I visited her this weekend and she told me her car had broken down in the supermarket car park. She was given a cup of tea while some staff helped move it out of the way. The local garage came and looked at it.
All seems ok with this story except that she told me exactly the same story a couple of weeks ago, except that time there was no cup of tea. But she is adamant that the same thing happened twice.

Then I looked at her car. There is extensive damage to the front, both on the driver and passenger side. She's obviously crashed it at least once. But she is insisting that the car is faulty and needs to go to the garage. She hasn't said anything about the damage and I don't want to mention it as our relationship is fragile at the best of times.

So I reported her. And I spoke to her GP and told them what I'd found.
I can't find anyone at the supermarket who can tell me what happened there.

The car is sitting on mum's driveway. I've no idea how she managed to drive it home because of the damage.

The DVLA say they contact the driver and the GP but won't tell me anything.
Does anyone know how long this will take? Do they just write a letter?
My concern is that she could be done for leaving the scene of an accident. But atm mum seems to be in denial that anything has happened to the car other than it breaking down.

OP posts:
Original poster
NellyTheCake · 03/09/2024 11:21

In 2 years, my mum has gone from being quite active and busy, to practically being house bound. She hasn't been diagnosed with dementia, just her physical health has declined.

She isn't lying about what happened with the car. She's just not saying anything about the damage.
I'm her only living relative and I don't live very close to her. But I've discussed this with someone who knows her and we think the car has broken down, then someone has got it started again for her and on the drive home she's been so agitated and upset that she's crashed into something.

What's in doubt is whether she has realised that she's crashed. The impact obviously wasn't enough to trigger the air bag, but it's left a dent in the car and other damage.

She was angry that the car broke down again so she won't drive it until the garage look at it. And they will have to tell her that it's probably a write off!

I'm just concerned that the DVLA will let her self certify or they'll report her for dangerous driving and she could be charged.

I was just hoping other people have reported family members to the DVLA and they could tell me what happened after that.

OP posts:
MichaelandKirk · 03/09/2024 11:02

I hear this word 'stubborn' a lot - as though its a strength. My DH does this with his own DF who is pushing 90 and living on his own.

I am going to use another few words - stupid, reckless and lying to get their own way. I was very very firm with my Mum and she was somewhat scared of me so she did tone down what she was doing in the end. She didnt want to go into a care home. I made it very clear that if she did daft things she wasnt safe and a care home would be the best place to manage her needs.

A lot of elderly people do not think of others. Just what they want to do. They will pile on the pressure to often daughters and guilt trip them into owning and managing their lives whilst boasting to everyone else that they manage just fine on their own. Not all parents of course. But an increasingly large % are going that way. Some of it will be the bastard illnesses that overtake them. Dementia is the worst for me. Its truly horrible to see and I cannot imagine what the elderly person is feeling.

Sorry - rant over!

AmandaHoldensLips · 03/09/2024 10:39

My dad was an absolute menace on the roads - impaired eyesight, unable to judge things properly and drove way too fast - but was stubborn, refused to admit any problem and lied on his self-certification.

Taking the keys away is one option. (Even if you have to hide them and deny all knowledge.)

MichaelandKirk · 03/09/2024 10:23

Its pretty difficult to get this sorted when the elderly person lies about what has happened. They are scared the car will be taken away from them and I completely understand this. If someone told me that I could no longer drive I would be stuffed. There is no public transport around here, no Ubers and taxis are few and far between and only want to do airport runs as opposed to taking someone to the shops!

However - she is clearly a danger to herself and the other road users. I found my elderly Mum in particular had no issue in outright lying about what had happened or what she was doing causing huge issues to me the only sibling who is based the in the UK. My sister used to say we need to understand WHY she is doing these things! Fine for her as once she had spouted out her view she put the phone down leaving it all to me!

It could be that the DVLA do write to her but I suspect without any firm proof she will be asked to self assess herself and we all know where that leads! I guess it stops people reporting others to make myschief. She might not even tell you she has had a letter!