What Is the best course of action to try and help my parents who are going downhill fast but are not open to receiving advice or support from myself and brother.
My mum has always suffered mental health was sectioned lots when younger and has always had my dad as her 'carer'. They have more of a co dependant can't live with each other but cannot live without each other. There is trauma within our family, especially around my brother who they have never been great parents too. He lives miles away and does try to help with administrative support but it is always problematic for them for some reason and they do not like to accept help but clearly cannot do many daily tasks/bills etc. My mum has a psychiatrist who comes and sees her otherwise she does not leave her bedroom. They both have copd and my dad's health has taken a turn after a fall where he ended up in hospital. During this time chaos ensued as mum had a breakdown and it highlight how we have to plan for what will happen in the future.
We tried to get them to live closer to us so we could look after them better I think they think we are being selfish and it's all about us. This is not further from the truth.. I understand now their reasons for not wanting to move as they have always lived in that house.
Whenever we try to talk to them about the future they say we are fine. (Apart from when my dad says I do not know that your mother would do if I wasn't here) No plans have been put in place for how they would like to live at home safely. They have no money to pay for carers etc and they just seem to be stuck in this horriblly sad space. My mums smokes loads and rarely speaks to anyone and dad had just started smoking again after stopping for 20 years and is so frail I worry what will happen over the winter months. My mum has always said never put her in a care home. I think she thought I would take over the role of carer from my dad but they live an hour away, I work full time and my husband had a breakdown last year and I need to prioritise his wellbeing and my children's too,
There has been no more discussion on future and I know my parents will be burying their heads in the sand as it's all too difficult to address/organise. I do knot know what I can do to plan for the inevitable? I know if we don't plan now everything will be crazy soon.
I wake up every morning anxious that we are going to get a phone call that my dad is unwell and my mum has flipped.
there must be something more pro active I and my brother can be doing but I du not know what?
Any advice would be really appreciated