Advice: gentle encouragement to stop driving not worked

Those short familiar local journeys are the ones where they kill innocent people. Good for your husband for taking the keys.

It's very hard, I know. FIL is currently housebound after a fall, but was recently told he shouldn't drive pending further medical tests. He'd only been making familiar local journeys as it was, and we've been getting concerned about his ability to process information quickly enough to drive safely.
DH somewhat ungently, but with a degree of relief, took the car keys away to prevent him falling into temptation and visiting other elderly relatives, all scattered in various rural villages. Some of them have a patchy bus service, but the stops are a long way from their actual houses, so 'just getting a bus' isn't a viable route to independence. I don't really know what is.

There would have to be a huge increase in the number of driving examiners. At the moment you have to wait 24 weeks to get a driving test in many areas of the country, let alone for assessments for elderly drivers.
There needs to be better processes in place to stop those no longer capable of driving safely.

Rather than telling him what to do (which in my situation would make her much much worse) try telling him you’ve just learned something shocking- that your insurance isn’t valid if you haven’t kept the DVLA informed of health conditions, and that people can be driving illegally without knowing it, and be prosecuted and so on.

Put the fear of God into them, without telling them what to do.
If they were reasonable they’d already have stopped!

To be fair, the previous cases are awful and sad, but unusual. Most older drivers self limit, only going to familiar places, only driving in the day, becoming more cautious. Then they have bumps and scrapes. Then they stop.
FiL stopped after an accident that was someone else’s fault, but he couldn’t remember what happened so didn’t want to risk it.

I agree. I did an online speeding course recently and actually I think they ought to be compulsory regularly. It was very useful and eye opening. A great refresher.

Hi Op, you haven’t explained why you think that your Gf shouldn’t be driving.
Has he had an accident or have you observed his driving at all?
Being old, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a danger on the roads and if he’d been diagnosed with early dementia, his Dr would inform the DVLA.
So what is worrying you?

You take his keys off him and tell him he’s not safe to drive anymore. It’s not rocket science. Do it before he kills someone.

@Askingforadvice78 This is why I believe an annual driving test should be compulsory after 75. Or possibly 70.
driving is a privilege, not a right, and drivers should be regularly assessed for fitness given the cost of accidents both in human and financial terms. I would also support 5 yearly check tests for all drivers.

Well done for taking action OP. If it helps. the stubbornness / entrenchment is likely part of of the cognitive decline, it's not their "true" personalities.

Learning to drive seems to be happening later as it is so expensive. I wonder if cost of insurance and having to have black boxes is also having an impact on new young drivers.

I'm not disputing that older people cause accidents, but the statistics in no way bear out that they cause 75% of them.

That's what we were told by the leading police investigator of our case. It may be regional. It's also been super traumatic, but I am pretty sure he said 75%. Our population is mostly ageing. Perhaps we just don't realise how many old people are out and about on the roads causing havoc.

BiL just took his father’s keys and drove the car away.

I only ask as I always thought young male drivers were the most likely to cause accidents.

You could contact your local police station and discuss this issue with your local traffic police.After an elderly driver nearly killed my husband last year, I happen to know that they estimate that 75% of their workload is dealing with elderly drivers who cannot always cognitively respond to other drivers soon enough to avoid collisions.

Do they? Is it?

Just a short distance from where I live an elderly woman lost control of her car, mounted the pavement and killed a toddler. Not only was this life lost but the driver had to carry the guilt of what she’d done.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5ylx5ex4ydo

You could contact your local police station and discuss this issue with your local traffic police.

After an elderly driver nearly killed my husband last year, I happen to know that they estimate that 75% of their workload is dealing with elderly drivers who cannot always cognitively respond to other drivers soon enough to avoid collisions. And then dealing with families like mine, affected by the fallout.

A spouse not coming home from work, being in ICU for weeks and having to recover from the impact (literally) of an elderly driver is not something I'd wish on anyone. But having had a lot to do with traffic police for a pending prosecution - they are really lovely and want to make a difference and talking to your relative may be effective in getting them to realise their life has to change. They'd rather talk to alive and we'll people than people like us, who are devastated by the choice of an elderly person to drive beyond their capability.

The possible outcome of a prosecution is prison. Whilst I think it is more likely a suspended sentence, it's hardly the point if the collision has resulted with life changing injuries. At best.

So I suggest contacting your local traffic police for preventative, not punitive, conversations.

My dad 95 blames me for 'making' him sell the car when he moaned how much his new insurance premium 900. was going to be I said 7 grand is an awful lot of taxi fares dad ..... go figure ??

@RandomMess we tried that. And claiming the car was 'broken'

Finding FIL on the phone to the car dealer to buy a new one was the final straw.