🪳 🪳 🪳 Cockroach Café Late Summer 2024

My MIL has vascular dementia. It’s not a steady decline, she carries on much the same for a while and then deteriorates suddenly. She had to be moved into a care home in the spring when she very suddenly started hallucinating. Now she doesn’t know me or her DGD, is angry and unhappy all the time and probably has another two or three years to live. The care home seem hell-bent on preserving her as long as they can but have finally been persuaded that if anything happens she shouldn’t be hospitalised.

Anyone with experience of vascular dementia? Re MIL her behaviour has deteriorated again. We did not realise she was so bad. The nurse in charge spoke to DH today and said we'd rather she have a good last 6 months than a terrible 2 years which took him back a bit. They are prescribing an antipsychotic now against medical advice because she's just agitated, fighting, not sleeping, not eating, not taking her medication. She has no quality of life and is so angry. Its heartbreaking. They mentioned having to be careful with her meds because of the coroner. Its shocked us that we are thinking like this. A year ago we'd just moved her into assisted living. Its been so rapid.

I agree @EmotionalBlackmail I am certain that caring in a lot of forms is not good for your health

Somebody at work, a woman in her 60s, died suddenly last week. She'd been run ragged caring for her 90yo mum.

Can't help thinking the two things are related. Although I've no evidence for that, could be she had multiple health problems herself!

She wasn't in my team, or someone I knew particularly well, I'd just had a few sympathetic chats with her.

That's lovely, @countrygirl99 .
Every time we think we've got a handle on things here, they take another step downhill. So I can relate to the hospital feeling.

Bit proud of DS1 I've been nagging him for Christmas present ideas and he said he doesn't want anything but could we give e a donation to the Stroke Association in memory of his nan who died just over a year ago.

I was optimistic to think I would never see Redacted General Hospital for a while, wasn't I.

There are all sorts of infections going round and my poor #elderlyrelative, not long after her husband's funeral, is now in the hospital herself.

To be fair I continue to be impressed by the hospital, there always seems to be someone in the bay keeping an eye on the six elderly patients there; she's been taken up to the special oldies gym(!) for a bit of mobilising; and I haven't heard anything baffling come out of the mouths of any of the staff. Which as you know is normally to be expected.

Compared to everyone else on here I feel this is nothing. Still...

@PanettonePudding so sorry for your loss

@PanettonePudding sorry for your loss 💐

@PanettonePudding sorry for your loss 💐

Thank you all x

@PanettonePudding so sorry for your loss. 🌺🌺

So sorry @PanettonePudding glad to hear it was peaceful for him at the end and that some support was there to help facilitate that when you needed it.

Sorry to hear about your loss, @PanettonePudding . It's awful when it gets to the stage where death is the best we can hope for.

My condolences @PanettonePudding I am sure that you have mixed feelings about his death especially since with dementia you are already mourning the loss of the person they used to be.

Oh @PanettonePudding I am sorry. Read your post yesterday and you seemed to instinctively know that he was near the end. Glad you were able to be with him. 💐

I am so sorry for your loss xx

@PanettonePudding thoughts are with you and the family.

@PanettonePudding

Sorry to hear that Panettone. Wishing you peace too.

Just an update that dad died last night. The GP continued to refuse to come out but did send a "rapid response unit" who thankfully said he was for end of life care. He was finally peaceful. We were with him at the end.

PermanentTemporary, I think they would be like that if it wasn't for the chest infection, which they think might be at the root of the current issues. Personally I think it's more of a golden clusterfuck and maybe his time has come. He has been sleeping more recently and they haven't been waking him for meals, just giving him food when he wakes.

@Morenicecardigans oh goodness I could have written your post. The nursing facility Dad is in report he only gets agitated when our mother visits. She even admits she doesn’t see any point going. And yes to the 60 plus years of marriage. It has made me reflect though and join dots together that they have not ever had anything in common in terms of conversation etc. She ruled the roost and effectively told him what he could think. It is lovely seeing him free of that and with a relaxed smile when we visit. Yes to the chocolate sharing. She even refuses to take one out of the spirit of joining in.

@PanettonePudding would the home staff think about when he appears to be less stressed, and try to maintain those moments? Rather than bothering him with food? Unfortunately since the obsession with the bloody Mail campaign against the Liverpool Care Pathway, care institutions are obsessed with finding some way to insert food into people, even if they would much rather be left in peace or asleep.

That sounds very stressful @I8toys FIL was very agitated when we went to see him in his care home yesterday and MIL just makes him worse. I can't understand how after more than 60 years of marriage she has no idea how to behave towards him. Yesterday he had some birthday chocolates and he wanted to share them with us and of course MIL refused to have one and upset him.