🪳 🪳 🪳 Cockroach Café Late Summer 2024

Didn't expect to spend Christmas day emptying mum's freezer. Found the door wedged open and half the contents defrosted and the other half has clearly been defrosted and frozen again in 1 solid lump. The door was wedged open because mum couldn't separate a bottle of milk from the solid lump. The whole lot stinks and cardboard boxes have disintegrated.

We have Xmas dinner today which means we can spend tomorrow with DS opening presents and playing with toys. DMiL can with one of our grown up nephews and my mum is here. My MiL is deaf as a post and either that makes her appear rude or she is both rude and deaf! She was here for 4 hours and it was like a sitcom. Not very peaceful and now DH & I are at odds. I think next year we will go out or disappear somewhere!

@MysterOfwomanY chocolate and Baileys for breakfast I think. I dreaded those messages from my mum, especially the midnight ones.
Gone now for 2 years they are something I don't miss.

@gingerlybread oh jesus.

Slightly perturbed here that I've had no lengthy, semi-comprehensible speech-to-text messages from my elderly yet today.

My hearing is ballsed up (the GPs are letting me have an appointment today, Xmas miracle!) so I had to get OH to do most of yesterday's call. Her ward bay is closed to visitors due to flu but we're not well enough to go down yet anyway.
We have issued our 2nd Xmas card today!

Heard Mariah Carey on the radio today and nearly cried. Five years ago I'd just lost my Mum. I remember getting her a little Xmas tree for her hospital bed table because I didn't think she'd make it to December (she didn't). Normally I'm pretty stoic, but :/

Screw the season, let's all go out for a virtual curry!

Thanks @FiniteSagacity MIL died last week and we discovered that she had been withholding FIL's pension from him and leaving him in dirty clothes, among other things. SiL is perpetuating this as far as we can see

@gingerlybread that all sounds shit but most especially SIL making the carer redundant, then deciding she needs a break so someone else has to step in and she has summoned your DH.

I gather SIL ‘stayed’ near ILs and your DH committed the sin of ‘moving away’ so no matter what he did in terms of effort over the years, your MIL believed SIL was the greater contributor and more deserving in some way. But in reality perhaps SIL could do short visits because of the shorter distance, perhaps focussed on MIL and so not as familiar with FIL’s needs.

Wishing you strength for this stage.

@gingerlybread.

Not a thread just a post!!!

Sorry for the long complicated thread! My MIL has just died and I have discovered she's done some really horrible things to DH and 89 year old FIL - neglect, financial abuse, favouring my SIL with inheritance. FiL now needs some help and care.
During MIL illness DH was constantly there for his family, did practical care and arranged for attendance allowance and carer support despite living 500 miles away he went to their house and lived there on and off for 6 weeks working from home . SIL did a couple of days a week visiting MIL in hospital and stayed over once or twice in the whole time- she has her own business. She promised to stay at Christmas. We have adult kids and are hosting at home. Now she's made the carer redundant and asked DH to go to his dad's to look after him so she can get " a break". She has no partner or children and lives 30 minutes away and spends every Christmas and New Year at FILs house. Frankly she's a complete cow who's never been able to sustain a relationship for longer than a year when they find out how selfish she is. DH has to travel 5 hours up and down for one night and we are going to them on the 2nd for the funeral. I think we have done enough but SIL sends tearful messages and he feels awful. There's more but just too much to say.

Glad you managed to get home @funnelfan and will get to enjoy your Christmas without worrying, she is in a safe place being cared for at least.

That was bad timing @Tupperwarelid I hope it is not too bad for her.

My DB should appear again today at some point so I am hoping he can sit with DF in hospital for a bit. It takes so much out of my day and energy I don't have to be travelling back and forth daily. It isn't far, but between recovering from being unwell with 'flu myself, poorly kids and work, plus a lack of sleep over last week sitting with DF whilst waiting for a bed I am beat.

i managed to speak to both the doctor and the physio yesterday, so felt confident enough that I could come home for Christmas. Looking at the other patients and their families in the ward, there’s plenty in a worse situation than us. Hope everyone manages to have a decent Christmas.

Mum has tested positive for Covid today. She says she doesn’t feel too bad so told her to rest, take paracetamol and keep warm. Luckily she is up to date with all her jabs. She also has plenty of food in as we were supposed to visit tomorrow and DB on Boxing Day.

Everything is crossed @funnelfan for you to have a break from the travel and the worry, very glad your mum was admitted to a ward.

DF has had a fall in the nursing home but the nurses have checked him over and patched him up on site, he seems okay and in good spirits. Grateful this didn’t result in a hospital admission this time of year (also praying there aren’t more falls). Very grateful he seems to be being nicer to me, although his short term memory is increasingly poor.

I’ll pack a hospital grab bag learning from the wisdom of others here.

Mum has now been moved from the emergency assessment unit to a ward full of old ladies who’ve had falls. She’s spending most of the day dozing. I’m hoping to speak to the medical team and then go home and spent Christmas with DH. Keep everything crossed for me!

MIL (who is also made of cast iron) may finally be reaching the end. BIL called last night to say the home think she may only have days left - we’ll go over there today and see her. I’ve cancelled the plans we had with friends this evening. Really hoping I can get DD to the Christmas services at church tomorrow: she’s meant to be singing.

@ArabellaFishwife it makes me think that too 😂 I feel for you with DFiL - same here! Think mine is made out of cast iron. He goes on and on against all odds. He has finally been made palliative which is the kindest thing to do, I think! ❤️

Sorry, I had to laugh at poor @Newmum738 's sofa disaster. Like having a beloved elderly dog around the place.
In similar though darker vein, the doctor treating FIL at his fourth hospital in two months outlined the most likely development of his illness (one way street) and the decision -making process that will be worked through in his best interests. FIL was there the whole time, and while he struggles to communicate, he can hear okay, and afterwards wrote down a straggly one-word note that we by process of elimination figured out meant he wants any treatment that might extend his life for a few weeks. I was glad he was able to say something. Throughout the conversation, it felt as if they were talking about a pet on its last legs needing to be put to sleep, rather than a human being with capacity to make his own decisions.
I still think it wouldn't be the best or kindest decision. But it's not mine to make.

@Remaker definitely worth getting her checked for a UTI. They don't seem to do that y less prompted!!

Oh no @Newmum738 I noticed DM was wearing incontinence pants the other day when I took her to the doctor for a checkup. This is a new development. I’m now wondering if she might have a UTI as she wet herself at the hospital a couple of days before. She’s always had such good bladder control.

She lives in a care home and has just spent a night in hospital yet this doesn’t seem to have occurred to anyone but me.

@funnelfan hope you and your mum are doing OK.

DM has arrived at ours for Xmas and has already wee'd on the sofa. Happy Christmas to us! 🙄

@countrygirl99 wise words. In fact I still have my phone on Do Not Disturb. So I got a solid 8h sleep for the first time in days (albeit from 330am to 1130!).

@funnelfan ah the relief when the tone of the chat shows that at last they see what you've been seeing for days now. Enjoy your breakfast!

That must be a bit of a relief @funnelfan I hope that they don't try and back track and that she is ok.

DF is still in hospital too, improving, but luckily he will have a full assessment from physio, OT, respiratory team and dietician before they even think about letting him go. His heart was also struggling with going to the toilet made worse by his breathing, dehydration and lack of nutrition. They are prescribing some medications that should help. The upside is that he has been so scared by going into hospital that he is suddenly being more amenable to all the things he has been refusing for the last year because he doesn't want to end up back there 🤦. Hopefully he won't regress back to his old habits once he gets home.

Fingers crossed for you Funnelfan. Breakfast sounds good

i slept but not as much as I needed, although I found an old bottle of sherry at the back of a cupboard. Made the mental assessment of “what if the hospital call me in” and took the risk of a small glass before bed.

I am currently in the hospital cafe, they do a nice cooked breakfast! Mum had a funny turn while on the commode so the doctor sent me for a coffee, which I interpreted as “bugger off and let us do our job”. It’s looking more and more likely that no imminent discharge and if/when it comes it won’t be to her house. Thank God.

@ArabellaFishwife the storms just add to the joy don't they.

@funnelfan I hope you got a good sleep.and no one makes any dafy discharge decisions today.

@MysterOfwomanY once you feel better wait a while before you let anyone know

DB2 visited mum yesterday and found another crisis to deal with. Fortunately a relatively simple one in the grand scheme of things but there is one daily at the moment. But the doc thinks she is fine so still waiting for the big one.