🪳 🪳 🪳 Cockroach Café Late Summer 2024

Sounds like the situation with your Mum and Dad @Lightuptheroom falls under adult safeguarding because your Dad is elderly and your Mum is being physically violent towards him which puts him at risk of injury and falls. Definitely your poor Dad's ability to manage your Mum's behaviour and needs should form part of the assessment.

Hopefully someone will be along who can advise if there should actually be both a care assessment and a carers assessment.

@Lightuptheroom have a diary ready that you’re prepared to hand over (I typed up a timeline and forced it on SW).

Also make it very clear you’re taking notes and prepared to complain.

Hi all, I haven't been around for a while, could use some help... Backstory.. mum 82 now has diagnosis of probable dementia, dad 87 being abused by her daily both verbally and physically.. ignored by social worker who disappeared on leave... Finally sorted out 4 care visits a day. 2 weeks ago my mum hit my dad in the face with a bunch of keys, the following day she hit him with a stick and pushed him from behind, the day after that she pushed him into the TV. Social worker recorded it all and promised mum had been referred to the community mental health team (she is currently on Risperidone) and that the social worker would be doing a capacity assessment on finances and 'where she wants to live'
I contacted the social worker yesterday, nothing had been arranged as she said her diary was too full.. I escalated it to her manager. Now the capacity assessment is due to take place next week and we have been told that 2 weeks respite is provisionally booked to start on 9th September.
What happens if she refuses to cooperate? Will they somehow assess that she has capacity and that's ok for her to continue hitting my dad , or does the safeguarding aspect over ride everything else. We don't feel like we know what is actually happening and the social worker is now being supervised.
What happens if my dad says she doesn't need to be moved (she most definitely does)
What happens after the 2 week respite, can the home doing the respite make her bed permanent or can they send her back home?

😅

@Nodancingshoes 🌺 how loved your nan was.

@Nodancingshoes well done on the clearing too. Sorry your nan was so poorly 💐

Sending strength @PermanentTemporary and solidarity on dealing with the system.

DF has run out of money and has an infection. Thank goodness he is where he needs to be in nursing care. Just scrambling to sell his house - considering whether to just let one of those ‘buy it cheap to flip it’ type businesses to get the millstone off our necks. Every thing I clear out makes me despair at what a state he allowed his house to get into.

@Nodancingshoes

One large gin, coming up.

Looks like funnelfan could do with one too.

And a farewell toast to nodancingshoes.

I'd like to pull up a chair and order a large G&T please!

This thread has helped me massively in the last year.

Mum flooded her bathroom yet again yesterday and rang me to tell me about it and ask what to do. I said mum, you can’t keep doing this, you’ll have the ceiling down downstairs. She said, “I know, I’m a stupid old woman. I know everything and I know nothing.”

It’s the most lucid she’s been in months and it broke my heart.

@Nodancingshoes sad to see you go and hopefully you can now regain something of your normal life back. As you say it is probably for the best your Nan was unaware of her illnesses. Hope things improve for you you have done an amazing job in difficult circumstances.

@Nodancingshoes please accept my deepest condolences

🌺🌺@Nodancingshoes

@Nodancingshoes
You and your sister did so much for your Nan, she would be proud of you. Best wishes now you have some freedom to move on with your life.

@sickasapug I know what you are going through! Currently clearing my nans flat - 17 full bin bags of clothes, 8 boxes of ornaments, 2 sets of my late grandads false teeth...just some of the things we are dealing with!

Just popping in to say Goodbye. Things have finally settled down here. Finally. The coroner ordered a post mortem which was very upsetting and it turned out that Nan was very poorly indeed. She had sepsis, pneumonia and stage 4 colon cancer - which I am glad she didn't know about. I'm so grateful her suffering is over now. And selfishly that this time in our lives is over - it really has been the worst 6 weeks. We laid Nan to rest at the end of last week 😞

Large glass of red if possible. Actually, can you leave the bottle?

Being thoroughly worked over by the process of moving Mum. And the process of reporting back to siblings about it. Right now everyone is unhappy and nothing has actually gone wrong yet!

Sorry to hear you've been ill @MereDintofPandiculation - hoping you're starting to feel better.

😂@BlueLegume. Hahaha, no he wasn't that good 😂😂😂😂

@MovingSwiftlyOn that sounds so helpful. On a slightly amusing note I skim read your post and misunderstood “anyway he is still asleep atm’” thinking you meant the man who removed the earwax🙄…note to self READ properly!

Aw @FiveFoxes I know what you mean, winters are always worse aren't they.
I'm pretty sure MIL gets SAD too and our late night dashes always go up over the winter months.
Sorry to hear she has CLL as well, as if dementia isn't enough, poor lady.

Thank you for the new thread. I've had a nice summer of Mum doing ok and not having to do a huge amount extra on what I already do. I nearly wrote not having to do much, but that's because all the things I do have become normal now.

Facing a difficult autumn with Mum needing treatment for CLL on top of Alzheimer's and her own version of SAD (not diagnosed), so I'll probably be here more often.

I sit quietly in the corner of the cafe usually, just eavesdropping, but chiming in in case it's helpful to one of you - DH got a man to come to MIL' house on Friday to do ear wax removal, and her hearing has improved quite a bit. She has hearing aids but we've been having to shout at her lately before she can hear us. Apparently he got loads out
Anyway, he's still asleep atm, but if anyone's interested, let me know and I'll ask him for details.
I think it cost about £85 but the guy that came (he does evenings too, came at 8pm) was absolutely brilliant with MIL and she was very happy to go along with it and let him do it.

I considered myself lucky I had a 4 hour round trip by car - at least I could leave when I wanted to! Other DSis had a 6 hour round trip but ‘wasn’t visiting enough’ and when she got there was cleaning and caring too.