🪳 🪳 🪳 Cockroach Café Late Summer 2024

It would @ArabellaFishwife, but I must say that just recently I was posting about how lovely my mum's new nursing home is and really feeling very peaceful. So I have definitely had some good breaks along the way and appreciate them.

@LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE what a nightmare!! I must look at the Truetalk thing for the people I work with maybe.

Sorry you've had such bleak news, @PermanentTemporary .Wouldn't it be lovely to take a break from Everything Being Shit?

May I join in? I've spent quite a lot of time over the past few days trying to sort my Dad out. Internet/phone scammers have taken him for ~£3000. I came on here and bought one of those TrueTalk secure gadgets recommended (thank you so much whoever suggested it on an old thread), and have found a new mobile phone recommended by Age UK. He's going to have a new phone number when we get the new phone and we're getting his computer wiped and reset.

I'm so tired of it all. Every day it seems like my Mum has a new thing that he's done or hasn't done. Or his physical health is poor again. Or he's left the shed open at night or lights on where they shouldn't be. I could put up with it more if he was nice to my Mum, but he isn't really. She's much younger and not infirm at all.

I'd just quite like it to stop, I've got young children and my husband is away for months with work.

@PermanentTemporary what horrible news, I’m so sorry.

@MereDintofPandiculation it's such a specific and unusual site of primary cancer that I'm not going to say, but unfortunately the surgeon used the words 'highly aggressive' and some of the metastases are in the stomach so my guess is that he will start feeling sick and will struggle to maintain his weight. I don't think the outlook is good. He is very philosophical though and is not going to try any significant intervention.

oh how sad; I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, @PermanentTemporary . That's awful.

Oh no @PermanentTemporary what a shock that must have been

Sending hugs @PermanentTemporary.

@PermanentTemporary sending hugs - such a difficult time for you.

So sorry to hear that @PermanentTemporary

Thank you. Off to see him this week. Balancing multiple elderlies as we all are. He is OK at the moment so that's all I can ask.

Very sorry.

I’m so sorry @PermanentTemporary 🌺🌺

Really sorry @PermanentTemporary

@PermanentTemporary I’m sorry. That’s shit.

It turns out FIL has metastatic cancer. The nicest, most reasonable man who has been watching my MIL decline with dementia for six years. Caring is literally lethal. I feel very sad.

Sympathies to all going through such a hard time, my woes seem tame in comparison.
My DM needs to make some key decisions, but am getting frustrated that the default always seems to be to "keep things as they are". Last week she wanted help to draft a letter to change the way a payment is made. Was pleased to help and wrote something suitable. This week has decided that it's best to keep things the same "for now". How long that will be is anyone's guess.

@notcopingwellwithDMdementia sorry my reply is later than the others Not, but in our family’s experience it was the wandering that did it in terms of getting MIL proper help. Long story short, FIL was in hospital (dying) and MIL had/ has early dementian and was wandering around the street at night. (There was also alcoholism in the mix but the outcome is the same). Me and DH are 2 hours away, SIL usually dealt with stuff but had Covid and couldn’t see MIL but she played a blinder and rang MIL’s GP and told them that a vulnerable elderly lady was wandering at night with no family member able to intervene and what were they going to do about it? They rang an ambulance, got her admitted (and sectioned, and dried out) and after a long period being an inpatient, found her a suitable care home, where she is still living relatively happily today.

The key things are “unsafe discharge,” “safeguarding,” “liability,” etc, and making sure that this time she only leaves hospital for a suitable environment. Sadly that may then mean assessing funds to pay for it including possibly the house. But unfortunately the wandering stage very often means the elderly person cannot be left unattended, it’s very hard. Sending courage for all the meetings.

Yep, mum did the wandering off thing. Wanted to eat, fine a quick bowl of cereal, then wandered off to change her socks and left it then insisted she'd already eaten it when the bowl of cereal was still untouched in the kitchen.
Thankfully the hospital was efficient but she now has referrals for 2 batches of tests. Joy.

@countrygirl99 also solidarity.

DF would obviously have got up only on my ‘I’ll be there in 30 minutes’ warning text and tell me he’d gone to bed at 3/4/5/6am so only had 2/3/4/5 hours sleep - when the appointment had been booked for weeks and he’d had lots of reminders a week and over the days before. Also diabetic - so horrendous self-neglect in that he’d usually not done blood sugar, meds or eaten.

Plus you’re juggling appointments in between your own life so often know after herding that cat, you’ll be back at work.

Sending strength for the rest of your day.

Oh yes, the mum wrangling. Going anywhere with DM requires a military organisation operation. Mine has lost all sense of time so will wander off to go and do something else half dressed, so needs constant supervision and chivvying along. And YY to having got up at silly o’clock to get yourself there.

Solidarity.

Coming in for a strength injection. At outpatients with mum. She wasn't answering the phone when I tried to call and remind her so she was still fast asleep when I arrived 20 minutes before we needed to leave. It was like herding a cat. I've been up since 5 as I needed to muck out my horse before my hour trip to.her house. Knackered already.

Thank you all so much. I spoke with a nurse in A&E this afternoon who was very much of the view that DM should not be going home without a good plan in place, she said she would be recommending this very strongly.

I will use all of the phrases mentioned and if need be, sob a little. I am going to push for some sort of respite care for her via the LA.

Thank you again