AIBU to tell someone they will be dead in 15 years so relax *MNHQ ADDING CONTENT WARNING FOR TOXIC PARENTING DISCUSSION*

Nobody knows the OPs relationship with her mother. Only she knows and it was this situation that caused her to say what she did.

You've said it now, apologise if you feel the need or want to.

But a lot of people also need to bear in mind that not everyone has a good relationship with their Mom. You see advice on here all the time about leaving husbands, cutting off brothers, not taking any abuse or nagging etc off males, why are we so ready and willing to accept it off a woman?

You only get one Mom? And? You only get one Dad and other relatives, why are they so disposable?

It depends on the context. I even tell myself sometimes that "I'll be dead then so who cares?"

Oh, is it a woman not putting the clip back on the packet? No, it's a man, therefore it's the man's fault. I think the mother should move out, get her own little place, so she doesn't have to spend her remaining years making up for other people's mess and lack of taking care of things.

I'm curious as to how old your Mother is OP?
70ish?
Everyone in my family have died at completely different ages. Decades apart.
But I know what you are getting at.

Could depend on how old she already is…
I say this about myself all the time, and if someone said it to me I’d just laugh. There are far worse things to say.

Not a nice comment. If you want to put it into perspective, saying 'it won't kill you' would have been a reasonable response.

How can you be so sure your mum will be dead in 15 years? Are you planning to kill her?

Depends on how you speak to eachother usually and your family culture.

I can quite happily tell my mum to take her pain meds because worrying about prolonged use on her liver is frankly stupid when she's 85, for example.

Your mum is right about the cereal though. Soggy cereal I'd a today and tomorrow problem, not a 15 year problem

Can’t believe how many people think this was cruel, in my family we quite often use ‘well I’ll be dead soon/you’ll be dead soon’ as a leveller! No wonder we’re so fucked up as a nation if it’s cruel to remind people of their mortality.

But it's not horrible to treat a small child (OP) so badly that she used to cry when she dropped a bloody spoon on the floor?

A heart to heart chat with your mum, fine. Telling her she'll be dead in 15 years like that not fine.

Horrible comment. Really nasty.

We all die there’s no surprise about it so I don’t think it’s bad to be reminded of that fact while making a fuss about minor things 🤷🏼‍♀️

But the OP doesn't say her mother has a particular hang up about the cereal clip. She suggests that her mother is like this about EVERYTHING (even spilt water).

So imagine it is the 10000th time the OP's mum has reminded her husband to put the cereal clip on. But in between those 10000 times she is also telling him to hang the toilet paper the right way round/not leave a teaspoon on the side/put the remote control back in its special place and a million other completely inconsequential things.

The problem with people like this is that it's not just one thing. It's everything. And if you make an extra special effort to remember to do everything they have ever asked you to do, they will find more things to criticise you for.

Criticising others is basically a personality type, or a hobby for some people. They don't have any other setting. And it's exhausting to live with.

OP’s first line

My mother is a complex person. Very loving in some ways

So not all bad!

it was a mean thing to say - no idea if it’s factual as I don’t think we know how old the DM is.

1000% with you OP. Hopefully will make her pause in dishing out anxiety to others.

id have said much worse.

Your point being? Mothers are as capable as anyone else of being complete bitches.

....I'm impressed. When I read the OP, I couldn't see any way of making this one a man's fault. Excellent work. Well done.

Sounds like she had it more than coming, to be honest.

The OP didn’t say she was going to kill her mother! She just reminded her that our lives are limited and her death will happen too - we’ve got such a bizarre squeamishness about death in the West now, as if it’s a dreadful shocking taboo event that only happens to bad people caught out somehow.

We are very definitely all going to die! If someone is 75 they are more likely to die that if they’re 7, and plenty of philosophies encourage us to remember and dwell on it daily so we avoid exactly the kind of stresses the OP’s mother was bothering with.

OP, you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, and if more MN posters dwelt on our finite lives and how short and precious they are, most of AIBU wouldn’t exist anymore 😂

I think OP has had a rough ride here. Yes, it was an unkind thing to say but these kinds of people are horrific to be around. My own mother was like it for much of my childhood. She's actually improved recently, but her general instinct is to act like everything is terrible, everyone has bad intentions and even minor mistakes are the end of the world.

You spilt a cup of water? Worst thing that's ever happened. Someone asked you for help? Why would they dare do that. It's so so draining and as a child truly awful to be around and impacts on your self esteem.

So yes maybe in an ideal world OP wouldn't have said that. But I do get it.

MN never seems to believe that mothers can be toxic or nasty that role is reserved for mothers in law

OP - YANBU. You didn't wish her dead - you were just telling her not to get so worked up about something that doesn't actually matter in the grand scheme of things. At all.

Interestingly, it's also posters telling you how horrible you are who are ones who've been the most unpleasant on here 🙄

Vile thing to say.

I would say it in a joking way. As in “jeeez mum, life is short and none of us is getting younger. Do you have to stress about this stuff?”

your mum sounds hard work. I probably would call her out on it if you are both adults

Your not a nice person