AIBU to tell someone they will be dead in 15 years so relax *MNHQ ADDING CONTENT WARNING FOR TOXIC PARENTING DISCUSSION*

Better to say it won't matter in 100 years, then we'll all be dead. so it's not personal.

The OP clearly had a lifetime of pent up feelings and it came out in a less than ideal way.

Have none of you ever said a word out of line or overreacted?

Yes what she said was hurtful but then so is being raised in that way.

Sometimes things just slip out.

@Garlicfest Completely pragmatic and, actually, quite wise! Perhaps your stark injection of realistic priorities will give her pause enough to think about how to use her energy. Or not ...

I completely agree with this. It might just make her think about how she behaves to people.

@aladderformoths read my comment next to that one then

I don't think you said anything terribly wrong - she was arguing over a bag clip on some cereal - she needs to recheck her priorities and by bringing her back to earth (with a bit of a jolt) you may have started that process.

I've heard people say similar expressions like "You'll be a long time dead so give it up" as in to stop what they are doing/going on about, so I don't think in the great scheme of things what you said to your mother was so terrible.

Your mum was probably surprised to hear it coming out of your mouth is more likely.

Good for you 👏👏 and I speak as someone who ( age wise) is in God’s waiting room.

It's not that the cereal will be dry it's more that some creepies will get into the open bag. I keep everything in plastic containers or put the open bags in another sealable plastic bag. We got weevils once, I think they came in some dried supermarket pasta and then they got into anything not well sealed up, I had to throw tons of stuff out and disinfect all the cupboards. I've been a bit paranoid ever since, no one better leave anything unsealed in my kitchen either.

OP literally gave the back story in the OP.

Some great points about how the mum may be the one running the house and we see things through a different lense.

However, I think we should look at the example in the OP, OP dropped a spoon (an accident) and was terrified. That doesn't indicate a normal level of 'mum having to poke everyone to do things/behave at home'

If you had said this in my family, everyone would have laughed! Interesting how we treat death as so taboo.

They really are, I hate all the "oh you only have one mother, cherish her"
My auntie was & is more than my crazy mammy, some people aren't equipped

You can't jump to a conclusion like the mum has always been 'vile' just because the OP describes a couple of examples. Who knows what was going on in the family all those years ago? When people snap over 'nothing' there is usually 'something' else going on that the other person knows nothing about- maybe marriage issues for example or deep unhappiness that isn't being addressed.

Vile seems to be the 'in' word on MN for anyone's behaviour that annoys someone else.

It's one thing to say someone might be dead in a certain timescale, as a joke, but it's another to say it meaning 'I will be glad when you are'.

As a child you dont have the scope for understanding why your parent does behave like that. (On the side - the spoon was dropped in a different household with different people but OP still had bad reaction to it as she expected to be badly scolded. That sounds like she had really hard time as a child).

Even when you later have the understanding, the damage is done. And more being done if the parent still does it to this day which they would do. Its damaging even if you do have the understanding as an adult. Every single occurence makes you feel really small.

This. And don’t insert yourself into conversations your parents have that have nothing to do with you. If you don’t like hearing her go on and on just leave the room

It is not a nice thing to say but I understand where you are coming from. Its so depressing to live with this toxicity from your family.

Eh?

So you're quite happy for someone else in the house to do something that will allow food to go off and be wasted?

@pallindromeemordnillap Funny how you had a go at your Mum isn't it, but didn't tell your Dad to shape up and just do something so simple.

I don't know if you're married or have a family of your own but IME mums who snap like this are snapping because, as another PP says, they have spent decades clearly up after everyone without any recognition or appreciation.

How much support have you given your Mum over the years or were you a stroppy teen who's not become a stroppy adult and never lifted a finger to help her at home?

All relationships have two sides to them.

Well played OP

OP has had to put up with the nastiness of her mother all her life. Sometimes the mouse has to roar at the lion.

Does he "need reminding"? I've never closed cereal with a clip either.

Its not about him not listening. It's not our job to fuss over other people choices on a daily basis.

I don't think you are being mean or unreasonable. We will all die. It shouldn't be a taboo to say so. You were hardly wishing her dead. You said it in the context of: so don't sweat the small stuff. Fair comment!

You left her speechless. Maybe she needed to be shocked into considering the impact of how she treats others. Bullies often do need to be faced that firmly.

It's a nasty thing to say, and I think you have a conscious over it as otherwise you wouldn't have posted on here.

It's fine to stand up to her and address her constant negativity, and I can see why you would react the way you have, but its an awful thing to say nonetheless. A different choice of words would have been better.

Edited to add - people are bringing in sense of humour, but this has not been been said in a jokey manner by the sounds of it, its been said in anger in the heat of the moment.

I think your mum will maybe think on what you said and hopefully she’ll get a grip. YANBU

DH and I say it to each other. It's really not such a terrible insult, I agree. The fact that poor old OP is so worked up about it suggests she's been made to feel responsible for her mother's feelings all her life

She didn’t say it on her deathbed.

I was treated badly my my stepmother who said things to me that still haunt me. Do you remember the saying Sticks and stones will break your bones but names will never hurt you. I disagree bones mend names hurt for ever.