AIBU to tell someone they will be dead in 15 years so relax *MNHQ ADDING CONTENT WARNING FOR TOXIC PARENTING DISCUSSION*

You sound like a chip off the old block 🤣🤣🤣🤣

The problem with those brutal statements like "you'll be dead in 15 years so what do you care" is, they may come back to bite you. She may well be alive and still nagging your dad in 15 years and you may be dead of breast cancer in 5 years from now. In my country we say "don't spit upwards".

She sounds like a total pain in the arse. I can see what drove you although in an ideal world you wouldn't have said it and would have avoided stooping to her level.

This is very true, those words will repeat, they already have . Make amends for you both.

I hope your mum can forgive you.

Can OP forgive her mum for years of shit behaviour, including when she was a child though?

Nasty and you know it

That's a lovely thing you did, both for your mum and for yourself. And you are so right about the standards we as children have for our mothers verses our fathers.

OP Anger is toxic, if you can't be the person you want to be around her, maybe you two need time & space apart for a bit, because that was really bonkers to say what you did. I hope your mum can forgive you.

Perhaps her mother was desperately worried about keeping their home nice for her family. Women were judged on those things to a huge extent a generation ago. She could have been massively unwell with anxiety.
Intentionality is important here. Her mother sounds stressed, unsupported and vulnerable.

It's on her to seek help and not make the lives of others miserable.

I suffered with awful anxiety years ago over a few year period, but I was always careful not to pass that into my children. I can recall a couple of occasions where my stress/anxiety impacted them (and my partner) and I apologised and explained. Anxiety isn't an excuse to ruin other people's lives. My aunt, now 70, suffered with anxiety and she also didn't put that in her children. She had also sought help in the last 20 years. There's no excuse to keep repeating this behaviour and if people do, them sometimes they're going to hear things they don't want to. Tough.

I don’t blame you tbh. A childhood spent on edge, worried about dropping a spoon, is no childhood at all. It could ruin a person. She treated you appallingly because of her anxieties, and will now no doubt play the victim. Yes you were blunt, yes it was a horrible thing to say: but honestly in light of the way she was with you, I think it’s fair enough.

And no you won’t be haunted by this fgs 🙄. You didn’t wish her dead. You reminded of her of a statistical probability and gave her perspective. There was nothing false in what you said. If she doesn’t like it, her problem.

Only you know if your comment was OTT and if it will affect your mum because only you had to live with her when you were a child.
She does sound hard work but if it was me I'd go and see her. Give her a hug and apologise.
Neither of my parents are in good health and both are in their 80s so I couldn't relax if I'd said something like that to my mum. I'd hate that to be one of the last things I said to her.

Obviously you have your reasons, but as a society we are unkind to our mothers and often hold them to unrealistic standards. I strongly advise you to think carefully about the things you say, they can never be taken back.

OPs mothers actions when she was a child put her on edge and made her anxious. It's hardly 'unrealistic standards' to expect a mother to not be destructive and not make their child anxious over very normal things that kids do. It sounds like OPs mother is the one who had, and still has, 'unrealistic standards' of other people.

My adoptive mum said a terrible thing to me when I was 11..I remember it so vividly, once words have been said, they can't be unsaid. They have an awful power.

As does making your children and others around you feel permanently on edge, which is what OP had to cope with as a child and still has to listen to now. That has a 'awful power' too.

Perhaps her mother was desperately worried about keeping their home nice for her family. Women were judged on those things to a huge extent a generation ago. She could have been massively unwell with anxiety.
Intentionality is important here. Her mother sounds stressed, unsupported and vulnerable.

Yep ✅ These threads are so strange. Everyone totally ignores OP's description of a mother making her little girl terrified to drop even a teaspoon. Instead, they just go on about the cereal clip.

😬

You sound a wonderful Daughter. 🌷
Edit...My adoptive mum said a terrible thing to me when I was 11..I remember it so vividly, once words have been said, they can't be unsaid. They have an awful power.

She sounds like a pain in the arse, actually much worse because she made you anxious as a child for things that didn't matter very much. Does she feel guilty about that? Has she tried to change? Has she apologised? Maybe she'll think now before going on at everyone and making them feel on edge. Probably not though.

I'd find a comment like that impossible to forget even with an apology

When she's gone that comment may haunt you and how you made her feel. I'd apologise and explain your frustration.. that really wasn't a nice thing to say to her

Or flip it around and instead of blaming her mother, say, "Gee Dad, are you still not putting the clip on the bag and ruining the food? How hard is it to put the clip back on?" But mothers are always the bad guys.

If I were her mother I'd just stop buying cereal. Eliminates the problem and I can just shrug when there's a complaint about lack of cereal. I don't even eat the stuff.

What you said was cruel and not relevant to the situation so gratuitous. .

You could have made
your point in many other ways.

Well said!

Hard hat on for this but sometimes people need to be told straight.

Yeah, stop being so bloody neurotic and enjoy what you’ve hot because you will be bloody dead one day and so will everyone else.

YANBU at all and I suspect people saying YABU had the luck to not have parents who are constantly negative and invent something to be mad about. If they had, they would understand.

My mother is like this too, for example she would get annoyed at me for wiping the kitchen with kitchen cloths because she did not want to get the cloths dirty 🙃This is just one of the many batshit things she would tell me off about

I'm willing to bet that your mother is the 'nag' because, let me guess, your father sits back and let's her handle it all, therefore never has to deal with anything so is never a nag?

Bet your mother also gets frustrated when no-one eats the cereal because it's dry or hasn't got the clip on and it sits there forever, while people keep adding new boxes of cereal to clutter up the pantry she is eternally trying to keep tidy, while everyone else does their best to mess it up?

I understand why she'd be frustrated and say something (not nag). Maybe people should put some clips on and then your mother won't have to deal with it? Or she could just stop buying cereal altogether? Then there won't be a problem either. Of course, everyone will complain and your mother will be the bad guy again.

Instead of expecting your mother to ask a particular way (how many times has she done it already?) why not put the clip on? It's not hard.

YABU and you said a mean thing.