AIBU to tell someone they will be dead in 15 years so relax *MNHQ ADDING CONTENT WARNING FOR TOXIC PARENTING DISCUSSION*

That's the sort of thing I'd say to my mother. I wouldn't say it in frustration or anger, but then again my mum didn't make dropping a spoon on the ground such a big deal that it'd make me cry when it happened elsewhere.

You're right that she could have asked more politely but the fact that you were very direct with your retort about when she was likely to die was a bit harsh and the message you were trying to convey was lost.

You could have phrased the same thing slightly differently about life being short and it would have been a little better I think.

I understand your frustration and you probably have put up for so long that you just reacted. Families and people are hard work.

Nothing wrong with reminding people of their mortality, particularly when their behaviour is making you want them to experience at your hands!!
Honestly, we all snap at those we love; don't worry

This.

You can guarantee that if the OP's dad (or whoever) made an extra special effort to remember about the cereal clip, her mum would find something else to chastise him for, because this is her personality.

Nothing will change her at this point, it's baked in and probably already was before the OP was born.

But it's exhausting to live with.

Said exactly the same to my mum. She was worrying about the state of the world and global warming.

@pallindromeemordnillap my mum must be your mums long lost sister!

I totally see your point, it’s so exhausting to watch and I can relate to your spoon dropping incident.

Mine was a cucumber on her friends floor, I must have been about 9 years old, her reaction was so over the top and she was acting like the world was ending.

I agree with your comment, you weren’t being nasty. You were just trying to put things in perspective for her, all this stressing will do her no good.

I will pm you.

‘Imo there is no issue with saying “please remember to put the clip on”.’

There is when it is the 100th/1000th/1000000th time you have asked that. And your mum is only human.

It might be something trivial to you or your dad but clearly it is important to your mum. How hard is it to show her some consideration and keep the cereal from going stale/attracting ants/cockroaches by putting a clip on?

How much does she do for her husband? How much has she done for you? How many times has she come last while she looks after other people?

Life is short and maybe for the last couple of decades of her life she doesn’t want to eat stale cereal or be continuously replacing it or doing without cereal or continuously asking someone to be thoughtful and put the blasted clip on!

Being reminded of your mortality is not altogether a bad thing. It’s very freeing for some people. I often think we’ll all be dead in 50 years so who cares if I wear whatever to school, or I don’t earn as much money as the next person, or my holidays aren’t as nice etc etc. I don’t think it’s an overly mean thing to have said.

I think for you @pallindromeemordnillap its a useful reminder that both your parents will probably be dead in 10-15 years, so either cherish them while they are around, or let the old memories go and take what happiness and joy you can from their being alive. Chances are they’ll both be dead in less than that and you’ll outlive them and you’ll want a few nice memories. Try not to hold on to the past, you yourself only have a limited time to live too. Don’t let the hurts of the past ruin your own short life if you can.

Disagree, and if it help her Mum from ruining everything all the time then it’s a bonus.
We are all going to die. Why choose to let your shit over a cereal clip and worse why think that everyone is going to go along with it?

I completely agree.

My mother made me anxious my whole childhood, EVERYTHING was a catastrophe, I could do everything right and she would find something to chastise me for. A life constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop has lifelong impacts that I'm still struggling with now.

YANBU

I love this response, regardless of who it is to. Honestly has been lost as we’re all told to be nice to one another.

Living in a house with a someone who is dramatic is so difficult, though bet your dad was impressed (even if he did pay for it after you had left!).

The brutal, nasty answer will make anybody feel awful and will not do anything against that person's worry about small stuff. That was my point. And it may backfire.

Sounds like you just had enough and didn't express it in the best way. Everyone has their breaking point. I'm sorry your mum is a twat ❤

Very similar situation except it’s been almost four years. We only get one mother and when mine was gone it was like being run over by a truck. Anniversaries are hard 🌹

Yanbu how downtrodden must you have been as a child to cry when you dropped a spoon? That's seriously fucked up. Sometimes horrible people just need telling.

How about your previous mother saying to you after you had eaten a bowl of spaghetti

”I crushed all my sleeping pills up and put them into your food, you will be dead on a few hours. It doesn’t matter you will go to sleep and not wake up”

If stating the truth is disgusting, where does that come on your level of disgust

What if your mother had driven any children she had away either by suicide or them leaving and never speaking to them again.

All this rhetoric of “she’s the only mother you will have” just shows me that here is someone who doesn’t understand how dangerous a mother can be

Some mothers want to kill their child or involve them in a joint suicide

Some mothers aren’t just cruel they are deadly

Nothing to say about her mother's behaviour to her as a child, which sounds like it's continuing?

Has your mum ever said sorry for what she put you through as a child? Have you ever told her how she made you feel? Does your dad ever tell her to stop?

My parents were both like your mum when I was a child. It was very difficult to live with and I was a very anxious child. When I stood my ground as an adult and tried to discuss how their behaviour had affected me, they would minimise and play the victims, especially my mum.

After years of it and lots of other abuse, I had had enough and made the decision to not have them in my life. I told them why and was accused of being nasty. I had a few comments like ones here from other people telling me I would feel guilty. I never have. I figured they didn't so why should I when I hadn't done anything wrong.

After a childhood spent feeling anxious, it took me years to live a normal life. That sort of childhood takes its toll, it's no wonder you put her in her place OP.

No, I think that's reasonable. She's your mum, you should be able to say things like that and her know it's an expression.

Very horrible thing to say to anyone, but especially the woman that birthed you.

Disgusting statement (imo)

My mother was a bit like yours. She always had a confrontational manner over trivial issues. I did try and tell her but it didn't work.

Your mum won't take any notice of what you blurted out so don't worry. It will have been water off a duck's back. Forget it and move on.

I'm with you on this one. If anything, I think it wasn't too bad a thing to say. It was just factual really.