Persuading elderly parent to buy a new car

@NotTooOldPaul
Your situation is a bit different than the OP's.

Her mother is 88, and is losing her confidence with her driving skills.

Whereas you are 77, and are a professional driver.

You can't really compare the two things.

Why assume that "her driving days are nearly done" just because of her age

Oh, this is the sort of Mumsnet post that really annoys me - champing at the bit to accuse another poster of an -ism.

It’s not “just because of her age”. The pertinent information is in the OP. The OP’s mum is not going to be driving an HGV anytime soon 🤷‍♀️

Why assume that "her driving days are nearly done" just because of her age? I am now 77 and so far, have taken, and passed, my HGV medical examination every time it is required. If I ever fail that medical, I will probably stop driving but while I am considered to be medically safe to drive a 40 tonne artic, I am happy to drive my car or any other vehicle.
I do struggle at night with glare from headlights, but this will stop when I have cataract surgery.At present my eyesight, with my spectacles on, is well above the standard needed to drive.

Really at her age, if she is finding anything about driving hard she needs to give up. For what it is worth I am early 70s and hope to stop before I am 80.
Living rurally should not influence her decision. There are always ways around it.
Although I have driven an automatic for many years, I don’t advise getting an automatic for the first time in very old age. These fatal accidents where the driver presses the accelerator hard instead of the brake always happen in automatics. A geared car would just stall.

Yes Ford fiesta are great cars to drive.

I'm missing my old one

Autos are also so much easier to drive imo

My mum bought a new car when she was 83 and it barely made a difference to her insurance. She didn't find it particularly difficult to adapt to the new car, and she had another seven years of happy and safe driving until she stopped when she was 90.

I agree with an earlier poster that an automatic version of her current car would seem the lowest risk way of changing in the circumstances. Fortunately my parents are still competent drivers, though only in their late 70s, but they do insist on having a car each, changed for new ones every 5 or so years, despite they fact there are no circumstances in which they would both ‘need’ to go to different destinations at the same time!! We haven’t yet got to the stage where either has said the next one will see them out, but that can’t be far off ;)

I've got a 5 year old Toyota Yaris auto which apart from being auto is almost exactly the same as my previous manual Yaris. It has keyless ignition but lights, wipers etc are exactly the same and it is SO easy to drive. I can still drive manual no problem (DH has one) but would never buy another manual myself now.

I'd see if she could test drive an automatic or try a rental car first.

Then look at insurance and maintenance costs.

I drive a pretty elderly car which is very reliable and low maintenance costs. Also cheap to insure. I have friends with much newer cars who seem to be constantly at the garage sorting something out as there is so much more to go wrong!

DD has a hyundai i10 auto. It's very simple and very easy and lovely to drive.

I've just bought an automatic and it's bliss.

If you can get one with automatic lights and windscreen wipers aswell it will make her life so much easier and she can concentrate on just driving then.

There are some good small basic automatics out there that aren't all computerised.

As long as she is driving safely and there's no worry about how she is why not go for it.

Maybe you could go out with her for a couple of test drives and see her driving yourself.

My mum has an automatic Ford fiesta, it is about 7 years old. At that age it is still pretty light on technology, pretty basic stereo and all the controls where you’d expect them!

Even on our electric car the basic controls (indicator, wipers) are pretty standard, it is just getting the temperature right and the entertainment going that is less intuitive.

So, aged 82, mother changed her car and bought a lovely little red VW Up. Really happy with it. Unfortunately, about three years ago (think she was about 87 or 88) the car was munched by mice and a write off. Mum was devastated and although she was only driving very short distances was insistant on getting another car even though we were beginning to think that she shouldn't be driving. We bought her the exact same car but obvinewer so a few more bells and whistles. She barely drove it, I think she put another 50 miles on it. She couldn't process the difference plus her general processing speeds reduced. Last year, just before she was 90, I managed to persuade her to sell it. A huge step for her as it was a symbol of independence even though she hadn't driven it for a couple of years. In your shoes, I would leave her with her 20 year old car and start investigating other modes of transport. There was a really marked downturn from 88 to now. She's still fabulous for an almost 91 year old but processing has gone and anything new just doesn't happen. She's got a replacement grill and we've all shown her how to use it but because it isn't the one she had from 1950s she just cannot work it even though it is really simple. I'd buy her an air fryer but know she just wouldnbe able to work it out.

She's 85, perhaps she shouldn't be driving at all now. There's no way her reaction times and reflexes are still 100%

Could you take her to look at some, have a sit in them or test drive them. You could ask to look at base model cars that don't have all the gadgets. I'm half her age and I don't understand most of the modern gizmos in cars. Salesmen will try and promote things like the Bluetooth, heated seats, sat nav etc, so you could make it clear prior that you don't want all that. Stop/start is also something you would probably want to avoid, especially as you can't switch it off in some cars.
Also worth looking into what cars have things like dials instead of buttons, an actual handbrake lever rather than a button, a key ignition rather than keyless etc.
Hopefully you can find something she might be comfortable in .

My mum, similar age, recently changed to an automatic. She found an automatic version of the car she already had. It was secondhand.
The guy in the showroom was incredibly patient. She was allowed to drive it as much as she needed to until she felt confident, and then I went out with her a couple of times initially as well.
She admits there are things she doesn't understand on the display but she knows the important things, and ignores the rest! (We spent quite a bit of time with the manual at the start, working out what everything was).
The idea of automatic driving lessons is a good one.

My DD has a 9 year old Citroen C1 automatic. Nothing complicated about it at all.

It's a great little car and super easy to drive.

I'd just take her to a second hand dealer and ask if she can test drive a few.

Out of interest, was the neighbour's new car a high end, modern model?

If you can get her to try an automatic, she is likely to be surprised at how much easier it is to drive. The car does the work leaving all responses free for the road ahead. I think an automatic will likely extend the period of independence via driving.

I switched about 15 years ago and within a week knew I could never go back to the fag of a manual.

You are going to have to seek alternatives at some point. Definitely try now. Driving at that age is incredibly difficult for many reasons. Let her keep the current car for as long as she can.

Havjng just got a newer car for elderly mother I was horrified by the insurance. Her existing insurer wouldn’t insure the new (second hand) car. Many companies refused altogether. Her premium is sky high. Unfortunately since DF passed, her premium has changed due to her change in marital status.

This has been an issue over the last few years with my own parents, within the extended family and in my wider friendship group. All kinds of strategies were tried to help people stay safely on the road for a bit longer, including driving lessons on an automatic.

It's not what you want to hear but, from experience, she's not going to change her car. She'll listen to the advice of whoever is telling her what she wants to hear. If she thinks she can't adapt she probably can't. When this car dies that will probably be the end of her driving.

Your only sliver of a chance is if you can find the exact same car in automatic but even then it's a long shot.

I think she would find it so much easier in an auto.

Ive just changed car and have been nervous of controls so I totally understand

Driving lesson is a good idea