Persuading elderly parent to buy a new car

I recently bought a new car and avoided an automatic. I test drove one and couldn't get used to it. Just habit, no doubt, but I didn't feel safe. I'm a good driver generally and happy to go anywhere.

Electric is a much bigger adjustment than an ordinary automatic.

Would she consider an electric car? Easy to drive and very suitable for short local journies. A big advantage is being able to get the windows defrosted and the inside nice and warm using an app on her smart phone. That would save a person with arthritis getting too cold.

Sadly, however confident she is as a driver, she is 85 and has arthritis, which will almost certainly mean that any car will be too heavy for her before too long. I would seriously think about other options - taxis for short journeys, hospital transport where necessary. Are you in a position where you will be able to drive your parents where necessary? I do understand that this is a symbol of independence, but there comes a time when driving is too much. This is why insurance premiums are so high for very elderly drivers.

My mother bought a brand new car at 82. She only drove it for two years and has sold it to a family member and stopped driving. She had already stopped driving at night and in the last 6 moths of driving only went to the shop and back or to my house. She's glad she stoped and I go by and take her where she needs to go like Dr's Bank etc she only goes out about once a week now.

We had this with my dad, stuck with what he knew, which was a Toyota Yaris.

I would try and get the automatic version of what she's in now.

If that's not an option then check where the basic controls are and try and have them mainly in the same place.

I would just observe that a 20 year old car is not necessarily about to drop dead, I kept my dads 2004 Yaris when he died and I've done 20k miles in 2 years in it and it's absolutely great - now at 73k in the clock! There's less to go wrong/be buggered up by a parent on the older cars, so I wouldn't rule them out.

I think 85 is too old to change to auto
I’d be terrified she it would run away with her or she’d press the wrong pedal and cause an accident

the internet is full of videos of pensioners cars ploughing into shop fronts

listen to her she’s 85 I realise it would be difficult without a car but safety trumps convenience

There's a middle ground between removing her independence totally by not having a car vs offering her a new car with too many bells and whistles : its been said already but an automatic version of her current car for now to keep her familiarity with the model would be a good idea. But, and it's a big one, there has to be a convo around plan B when the time comes, which it will, when driving is no longer an option for her.
My parent in law still drives, at 87, and is very competent, but I'm not entirely comfortable about it, as 87 is 87, and reaction times, hearing etc are definitely compromised at that age.

This.

Christ.

There is very little chance an 85 yo with arthritis is a safe driver, and zero chance she will be in a few years time.

Don't get fixated on this being the way things have to be. You need to start supporting her to find other options.

I prefer an automatic and have found that there are garages that specialise in buying ex Motability cars, which are often small automatics. They are well maintained and can be great cars. Have a look on Autotrader, search for Automatic, and low power, then see which local (ish) garages have a few. If you take your Mum, then she should be able to have a look and see which ones feel right for her.

Why shouldn't she carry on driving? You cannot make sweeping generalisations based solely on someone's age. OP has confirmed that her mother is a safe and competent driver.
My 86 year old mother still drives, and drives perfectly safely, I haven't noticed any reduction in her abilities or reaction times. When you've been driving for almost 70 years you've got a hell of a lot more experience on the roads than some 17 year old kid in their first car and no one tells them they should stop driving.

My elderly mum (92) wanted to continue to drive after dad died but their old car was too big for her. So we found her a Honda Jazz auto that was old enough to have basic controls and a somewhat simplified 'early days' touchscreen rather than the more recent complex cockpit type controls in more recent models, and she's happy with it. Only drives to go shopping & the hairdressers, but she's safe,and keeping her independence is important to her.

My auntie is 85 and has just been given an automatic, not all are so computerised and she finds it so much easier to drive, she loves it, I also think it's safer for her as she doesn't have so much to think about.
She has a Nissan micra if that is any help.

I would suggest she buys, say, a 10 year old car, which will be far less daunting in terms of tech. I am in my late 60s and I would not want a brand new car with loads of computerised kit I don't want/understand.

Recently I bought a 12 year old low mileage automatic car. It's Japanese so has a bit of 'kit' but nothing too fancy and it's fairly similar to my previous 20 year old car.

I know I'm a fair bit younger than your mum but I had very little experience with automatic cars, I had always driven manuals. But within ten minutes of getting my new car I completely had the hang of it. It's so easy!

I hope you can help to find a good option for your mum.

@mitogoshi
I agree with you which is one reason why I do the medical to make sure I am safe to drive.
Anyone worried about a person's ability to drive can suggest that they do the medical, there are loads of companies doing them. I've used d4drivers as they have loads of appointments.

When you switch to an automatic car a top tip is to take your left shoe off. It reminds you not to use that foot and you adapt to just using your right foot only, for the accelerator and brake, much more easily.

@NotTooOldPaul

It's not her age it's the arthritis, inability to drive after dark and inability / inflexibility to change to a new vehicle that are the issues. If you arthritis in your left arm is hindering gear stick use, is it hindering the speed you can apply your brake in emergency? Also if headlights glare you at night, what happens on gloomy days, in tunnels/trees lining both sides?

The reason there's no set age to give up licences is because we are all different but it relies on us as individuals to recognise when we are impeded beyond the driving standards as currently is a self reported system.

I just swapped to an automatic car, I was a bit nervous about my muscle memory for a manual, but it's been absolutely fine, I'm still tempted to put down the imaginary clutch, and get nervous that I'm going to stall at junctions, but it's pretty much disappeared after a day of driving. There are loads of features on the car, but if it's set up okay, she can probably drive it whilst ignoring most of them.

She sounds amazing!

Ask yourself, does her arthritis impede her driving, does it affect her reaction times, be honest! If the answer is yes then it's time to give up driving. It's also time to consider if moving to a larger village or town with public transportation is right. You don't get younger!

I’ve got a 15 year old Smart car. It has absolutely no bells and whistles, a basic radio, electric windows and a very plain display. Can’t stand new cars that light up like a Christmas tree and you need to read the manual before you can drive it. Maybe look for an entry level older car for your mum. I know an 85 year old who regularly drives up and down the motorway to visit friends. She’s home this weekend though as she wants to wallpaper her lounge!

Word of warning about changing from manual to automatic....i am 35 and had an automatic as a courtesy car last year...it was one of the most scary experiences of my life! 😬 Having been used to manuals for the last 18 years, I just couldn't figure it out.
The car was stalling, bunny hopping, revving etc everywhere, I was very lucky I didn't get rear ended.Didn't help that they didn't tell me to use the other foot...until I pulled over afew miles up the road calling the garage in desperation saying I needed to take it back, but still did as I had lost trust in it and thought I would probably forget and accidentally use the other foot and break sharply again without meaning to, potentially causing an accident.
You get used to what you're used to....I.would be wary of asking her to make a dramatic change going from manual to automatic, but perhaps it's just me...maybe she would find it OK, but definitely give it a good test drive somewhere off road first to make sure!

Apologies.