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Elderly parents
Original poster

How to get someone into nursing care if they refuse? No capacity

37 replies

user12743052 · 02/08/2024 22:12

D parent has dementia and complex medical needs, the family member who's caring for them is unwell and DP needs emergency admission to a nursing home.

DP will refuse, scream, wail etc and also I don't have my own transport or anyone else to help. They have been certified as lacking capacity due to the dementia but have their wits about them enough to know we're telling lies if we say we're going on holiday. How on earth do I get DP to the nursing home? I can't pick them up and bung them into a car seat!

OP posts:
Original poster
user12743052 · 03/08/2024 07:45

Thank you for all your replies. I have POA, SW and medical assessments have all been done, self funding with some LA contribution organised. SW and medics, carers manager and I agree that an emergency nursing home placement is needed due to escalating medical needs and dementia.

@MsCrawford At home care isn't possible due to their complex medical needs, hence nursing care not just a care home. It's arranged, except getting them there.

@parietal @skibiditoilet Wheelchair + drive them isn't possible unfortunately as I can't drive. I can't say we're going to the garden centre, Tesco etc as I've got no car to drive them and nobody else who can help. GP useless.

I spoke to SW yesterday after a team meeting including the family member who cares for them and is ill. SW have been helpful otherwise but basically told me to "just" phone a taxi. Parent refuses to get a taxi anywhere and is generally very stubborn, bad-tempered and always gets their own way as their outbursts are such hard work - they are likely autistic. Significant meltdown now likely. They have for years said they would rather die than move to an "old folks' home".

I will try phoning the home and see if they can help, I think this must happen sometimes.

OP posts:
Username2101 · 02/08/2024 23:14

Hey I'm an adult social worker. You really need to contact your local adult services, they will come out and assess the situation. You say she needs a nursing home, has she been assessed previously as having nursing needs?
Could her needs be met at home with a care package?
Funding wise, will she be self funding? (Does she have savings over £23250) if not you will need to contact social services anyway to access local authority funding.
Which will involve a care act assessment, a mental capacity assessment on place of residence and a best interests meeting if she lacks capacity.

Mum5net · 02/08/2024 23:11

Have been in this position twice:
we had to wait for them to fall to get them to A&E in ambulance. Nursing home team collected them from Hospital and took them directly to nursing home
Will they get into a wheelchair? You could park in an adjacent street with no visible nursing home in sight, and wheel them there
Does the nursing home have its own mini bus or transport? Can you ask them to pick up relative?
Can you employ a private ambulance and team of two private paramedics as a private collection service?
can you ask GP for some anti- anxiety meds for 72 hrs before journey
After that it comes down to straight lies:
We’re going to a hotel for coffee…
The garden centre is at the back of this building..
We’re taking you for a flu jab …
This mission has kept me awake at night. I don’t envy you

Hairyfairy01 · 02/08/2024 22:59

You need to contact the crisis team in adult social services. They will need to ensure people are acting in your parents best interest if they do not have capacity to make this decision themselves.

MsCrawford · 02/08/2024 22:55

Assuming in this description no one has power of attorney in place- contact your local social services team - (just google for the number) and you can request a best interests meeting to weigh up the pro's and cons of where the person should be, ie a care home, or at home. The person's safety will be a key consideration. Their wishes are really important though- and putting care in place for example in their own home should be an option. (Assuming they want to stay at home)
There are a few big however's here though- I'm assuming you are in England or wales (as I don't know how this works elsewhere) also, if it's a crisis now- a duty social worker will come out quickly, however, care placements are not easy to find, and care packages can take a while too.

skibiditoilet · 02/08/2024 22:54

We had to say we were going to an ‘expert dr’to get an appointment due to an ongoing health complaint they had and that they needed to stay a few days to get checked over. And that was it. I’ve never felt so wretched in my whole life.

HappyFridayGirl · 02/08/2024 22:42

Who is organising the emergency care place? Are Adult social care involved in any capacity. They must deal with people in this situation all the time. (I admit I've only witnessed this in the case of someone with no family being discharged from hospital and taken to a care setting).

Choconuttolata · 02/08/2024 22:41

Do you have power of attorney in place? Private ambulance and speak to the GP about possible medication to help keep them calm during the transfer.

parietal · 02/08/2024 22:39

does anyone have power of attorney?

it never works to argue with a person with dementia, you've got to work with whatever they believe at that moment. so is there any plausible reason they would go in the car - to tesco or the doctor or something? you can bring a suitcase of clothes etc later.

DoreenonTill8 · 02/08/2024 22:36

Does anyone have Powers in place?

olderbutwiser · 02/08/2024 22:35

Can the home help? Or the gp?